How would you react when your boyfriend says "lets wait to get married...."

The boyfriend of over a year told me that we needed to wait on getting engaged until we got our house and baby settled. I don't want to wait that long. I am impatient...I am not sure how to react to this? Anyone with experience know how I should be responding? I'm pretty angry like it is a turn off.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What's the house and baby situation right now? If both of those things are in near-term change right now, I can see him wanting to delay the WEDDING, though there isn't a good reason to delay the engagement unless he can't afford a ring (which might be a very legit concern with the other things going on).

    Weddings are often full of chaos, stress, and expenses, and if you have several OTHER major events going on that are also chaotic, stressful, and expensive, it makes sense not to add another right now.

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    • HOuse closing in about two weeks...baby in about a month. Both things are all under control. His first my 4th (3 are with all one father). I told him that I didn't mean actually have a ceremony right now, but it would be nice to tell people that I was. I got no reply.

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    • Okay, so that goes back to my initial thought, which was that there is already so much MAJOR stuff going on at the moment that he can't handle something else too. And pushing him will make it worse instead of better. If you have some patience, I'm sure it will all work itself out.

    • I have had patience with him. He always used to tell me this in the beginning before the baby and all I got was dumped a couple times. I don't believe him. He would tell me the same thing...it will all work out. I don't believe him. I really believe waiting and patience gets one no where except false promise/hope and lies.

What Guys Said 2

  • You don't sound like someone I'd be eager to attach myself to for life. Get over it. It's only been a year. You got knocked up. He's trying to do the right thing by you. Maybe he just wants to wait until money is more abundant so he can get you the ring and wedding that you want. That would make him a royal prick, wouldn't it. Grow up.

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    • First...it takes two to make a baby. Second...not that eager to be with me? Explain.

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    • That changes things then. I never ever agree with using ultimatums, so don't think I'm encouraging that. It just seems odd that you're so desperate to marry a subpar boyfriend, even if there's a kid involved. The whole thing just seems very bipolar, it's either break up or get married. I honestly can't relate to that, and frankly I have no good advice to offer. I've said some harsh things, which were all judgments based on incomplete facts. Please don't take any of it too personally.

    • No I don't take it personally. I appreciate the guy point of view. I know you were only answering based on the information presented to you.

  • If you have only been talking/dating a year then it is very understandable that he wants to wait. Marriage is a very big commitment. It takes a lot of time to plan a wedding, and with a baby time can get a little sketchy. But he didn't say he wasn't going to marry you, just give it time.

    Just ask him what he wants now. He also might not have money for the ring like oracle said, considering the baby. And also tell him that just because you are engaged doesn't mean the wedding is going to be next month, because people are engaged for years before getting married.

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    • Understood. I am not asking him to marry me right now. I simply told him that I didn't need to get married right now, but it would be nice to tell people I was engaged. Marriage is a big commitment but when you BUY a house with someone that is also the same commitment. His exact reply to me was "lets get this house and stuff done first." Waiting too much longer isn't going to keep this relationship. I have tried to dump him before and he doesn't want to...i'm losing my patience.

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    • I don't either. I think it is his way to move in with me and a baby...and then when he feels it down the road MAYBE. The thing with this house is he wants to be on the deed, but not the mortgage. Once he is on the deed and doesn't want to marry down the road, I am screwed.

    • Hell no, no payment on the house = no ownership right? right!

What Girls Said 3

  • What is the rush?

    If you two are going to be together, you two are going to be whether you have a ring on your finger or not.

    Respect his choice, at some point you will have the commitment you desire.

    If you keep pressuring him to do engage you in the time frame that you want,

    you will just push him away.

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    • The rush is...he should have popped the question when he knew the baby was on the way. There is nothing stating/showing that we will be together. He only wants to be on the deed to my house...the loan is all my name. I was a FULL commitment or he needs to go. I didn't give him a time frame as to when, but I won't wait forever...actually I will only wait a few more weeks then he is gone. I mean he has had months to ask me about this. He tends to give false promises and I am not into...

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    • Im not into holding on to something that isn't there and may never happen. Haven't heard a word from him since he said to wait. That really burns my ass. I'm not into working on false promises. He has played that game way too much. I am also not into living with someone just to live with them.

    • Ok, well I wish you luck and it seems as if you already have your mind made up.

  • Sounds like he is thinking he wants to make sure you all have a well planed out future to me like making sure the money is there ect and with you guys only being together a year a baby and marriage may be stressing him out alittle try giving him time

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    • Hi. So what you are saying is if the money isn't there he is going to jump ship? Well if he has that plan I wish he would leave now. It is also stressing me out having no real commitment from this guy. I am not into just shacking up with someone to live because we have a child. We either do the full blown thing or we are done. I don't think that is being unreasonable. I gave him plenty of time after he knew about the baby. I don't believe him because he has told me many false promises.

    • That's not what I'm sayin what I'm saying is he could be looking could just be planing ahead that's all

    • Understood, but I am not willing to wait.

  • Well I think it might help to question yourself about what the hurry is. If you're going to be together for the rest of your lives, why do you need to get married ASAP?

    I also agree with what MrOracle said. I can't imagine trying to get married when a whole bunch of other stressful things are going on. I feel like it would take so much of the carefree happiness out of it.

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    • Im not asking to actually get MARRIED right now. Granted the baby wasn't planned...I don't know that we will be together the rest of our lives. All I told him was I wanted to be engaged right now. He apparently doesn't. He wants to worry about a house and a baby. What do you mean take so much of the carefree happiness out of it? We are the same people regardless of if it is done now.

    • Ah well maybe you could tell him that you could be engaged for years for all you care, haha. But it's still pressure. Why is it a big deal to wait? Is your relationship with him not the same either way?

      I mean having a lot of things to worry about can turn a wedding into a burden rather than a joy.

    • I don't understand why it is a burden when I only asked to be engaged? The deal to wait is he has given me so many false promisses over the last few months that I don't believe anything he promises me anymore. I think it is just a way to hush me for now. Our relationship is not the same either way because maybe an insecurity on my part, but I need more than just someone who will walk at any time.

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