I have been with my fiance for over 5 years now. We set a wedding date in late August, but some things are really weighing on my mind. When my fiance and I first got together we were friends with a married couple, Wes & Sheri. We had a lot of fun together. The problem was that Wes repeatedly cheated on Sheri with MY best friend as well as with other girls. I acted like I was cool with it and tried to mind my own business, but deep down it really bothered me. Also, I baby sat for this couple and Wes came home for lunch and tried to get me to mess around with him. I never told my boyfriend until about 1 1/2 years ago. When I finally did, my boyfriend never confronted his "best friend" about it as far as I know and is not bothered by his friend cheating on his wife. To this day my boyfriend is still best friends with Wes and I have grown to HATE Wes to the point of not wanting to see or speak with him. I get really angry just thinking about my boyfriend & Wes hanging out. My boyfriend knows I hate him and am uncomfortable around him, but never really cares. I think part of my anger is at my bf, feeling like he chose Wes over me and I wonder how my boyfriend can hand around with someone with little morals as Wes. Is this crazy??? What should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • For guys, a buddy, a best friend is more important that for girls. If his friend is cheating, he will not stop hanging out with him or stop talking to him. Yeah, it would be nice if he gave a few advice why he shouldn't but you don't know if he does that or not. Even if he doesn't, that's not something to blame him. As I said, friends are important.

    However, you said Wes guy was hitting on you and trying to make out with you etc..If he believes you for sure and he doesn't care that his best friend is fooling around with his future wife. That's not a good sign. If his buddy didn't hit on you I would be on your boyfriends side, but since you are one of his friends' targets, that's not cool at all. No matter how close they are. 5 years is a long time to be with someone. I'm sure you already know him pretty well, and you are still with him so that means he is actually a nice guy. My only guess, are you sure he believes you that wes guy did try to flirt with you? My guess is no. But if you are sure he does believe you. Then something major is wrong with you future husband. Beware!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Spouse vs best friend, girlfriend vs family member and conflicts alike are probably the most difficult to deal with. At one point you have the person that you feel is dear to you and at the other, there is a family member or a best friend. His situation is definitely not easy, but neither is yours. And your situation is a step further than a simple fiance vs best friend conflict

    I guess my first question to you would be if you ever talked to him about this. For one, you should probably ask him why he never confronted or talked to his best friend when he tried to full around with you and tell him that it bothers you that he didn't. If you already did so, it clearly is still an issue and you should definitely bring it up again. Because it won't go away by looking at the other way, if it involves you. It might have been easier to look away while he was cheating on his wife but you need to make your fiance understand that it still bothers you to this day.

    It might also be your own action that bothers you so much, as in, you chose to ignore the cheatings and didn't speak up or took a stand against Wes' behavior as despicable until he tried to do it with you. And it might be your integrity sizing you up without you knowing about it.

    Or could it be that you are bothered by your fiance hanging out with him because he might end up cheating on you, if not already. And the truth is in most cases friends influence one another into doing things or pressure them to do things that they wouldn't do otherwise. And maybe the reason he didn't confront we was that he emphasized with him.

    In addition, it was your best friend, who slept with your fiance's best friend knowing that he was married. My opinion is that there is no integrity in either one of them, and that shows wrong friend choice on your part, and I mean both you and your fiance. And from this rings of friends, I can easily assume that your fiance can easily cheat on you even with your best friend, as he seems not bothered by anything whatsoever.

    This is by no means a show stopper, but I think you need to talk to your fiance seriously about what is going on and how you feel. Moreover you should also reconsider your selection of friends. You will come across a lot of others who will be a challenge to your relation, so why have the challenge at the core of things? Marriage is not a walk in the park and it takes away a lot from both parties and from the relation itself if you constantly have to worry about things. You need to set your rules up front and go by them. you are clearly doing something right, as you have been together 5 years and decided to tie the knot, so I am sure you can find a way around this one too. And if you do, I have no doubt that you will get out stronger than how you got in. But if not, 5 years is not long when you consider to let go off a lifetime of misery.


What Girls Said 2

  • You should take priority for sure...but I know that I've got a few cheating friends that I'd never turn my back on because of what they've done. It's who they are that I love so at least put yourself in his shoes. If you would drop a friend because their morals don't align with yours then I guess it's fair to expect the same from your fiance. But, it seems like a little thing to break up a 5 year and lifelong relationship over...are you sure you aren't having cold feet and looking for reasons why this will never work? I've never been engaged so I dunno how the "cold feet" thing works. Good luck!

  • In my opinion you should take priority in your boyfriend life considering you are the woman he wants to spend his life with. Just the simple fact that he did not run to your friend and demand that he explain his actions when hitting on you makes me question who his loyalty leans toward. I would consider that maybe there was a reason he didn't confront him, like maybe Wes has some dirt on your boyfriend and would have exposed him. If I were you I would have a hard time marrying someone who wouldn't defend me especially to a creep like wes I also know that guys tend to overlook some undesirable characteristics when it comes to choosing their friends but wes is a total slime ball. Any man with any kind of integrity would have a hard time being friends with someone like that. Its obvious that your boyfriend doesn't respect the institution of marriage other wise he wouldn't condone wes's behavior or ignore it. Good luck.