Are people settling down too early? Growing up too fast? (please read before you comment)

i am a 23 year old attractive female, I have only been in one relationship and that was when I was 18 years old, and I have to admit, I was young and dumb. I fell for the bad boy and got my heart broken.

Now I'm smart. I work, college graduate, I'm an artist and I meet lots of people everyday. I have fun and enjoy doing what I do. I date but I just haven't met a guy that I could be in a serious relationship with yet.

i don't know if it is the area that I live in, or if all of the USA is like this but I have noticed a lot of very young people getting married and having kids before they have even moved out of their parents house, before they have even really did anything with their life.

It seems like a lot of people are rushing their lives and I'm the one who is behind because I don't have a fiance, and kids. I don't even have a boyfriend. I don't know what I am saying.. I guess this overwhelms me

i always thought that being in my 20's would be the best part of my life, its the time for me to go out and explore the world, work different jobs, Make loads of money and save up too. learn how to be a self sufficient adult and other fun stuff that I won't be able to do when I am settled down with a family.

But I find it hard to meet a guy who thinks like that

a couple of days ago I meet a guy at one of my shows and we go out for lunch and a movie the next day.. well I find this guy to be so interesting because he has done so much with his life and at a young age too and he also tells me that he is 24 years old and has a 4 year old daughter.

...he had his child at age 20

i also know this lady who is 28 years old has a 3 year old son and is going through a crazy divorce!

Stories like this just make me feel like I will end up being an old spinster with no kids because I don't want to rush my life right now.

i just think like this..

Old people in the USA live to be around 80 years old, give or take, right? so half of that would be 40 years right? so how can you make a life changing decisions to spend the rest of your life as a wife, mother, or both when you have not even lived half of your life yet. And then there are older people who have been married for 30 years and are like in their 50's when they decide to get a divorce, so it was more like they only wanted to be married and live happily ever after for the first half of their life and not the "rest of their life"

i guess I'm just wondering what everyone's views are on having kids and getting married and growing old. Maybe you can make me feel less worried that I will never meet a guy who is as "old fashioned" as I am.

Updates:
i live in north carolina btw

0|0
5|4

Most Helpful Girl

  • Your story sounds identical to mine. Almost all of my friends are settling down and getting married or already have kids with more on the way..here I am still in college and happy that I will have a fantastic career ahead of me yet I feel the outcast because I am not married nor have any children. Matter of fact I am a little outcasted already because they are hanging around with couples now more often and getting to know more of their husbands friends and stuff then taking time to have fun with their single friend I guess. I also look at it in the perspective of marriage being a forever bond and it being a serious commitment. I don't think that people really know what a marriage is about anymore or how to make one work for the best. Divorce rates for young couples is really high and over half of them will get divorced before they are 30..that is ridiculous! I have a theory that most of them get married because they feel it is the thing to do and they aren't really serious about it. I would rather I get married later on in life and actually love that person with all of my heart and be able to give them my whole self rather just partial. I want my marriage to work and bring children into this world through love and with a partner I know will always be behind me every step of the way. I'm not in a rush to get married or even have a boyfriend..that can happen after I can get to know myself first and have a great relationship with myself!

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • Statistically, people who are more educated wait longer to settle down into long term relationships and have children. Those people also tend to have a higher quality of life later on. You might be around a lot of people that don't fit into that demographic.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I only know one person under 25 that has married so far so it might be where you live in the USA but definitely not in my area. I think its good to marry around 26-28 for men and about 25 for women otherwise there might be complications during childbirth

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's not even safe for women to have children after 35.

    0|0
    0|0
    • ... ugh... I'm totally aware of this which makes me feel even more worried...so I should try to start a family now

    • You don't have to now, I'm just saying waiting until 40 to get married would make it more likely you wouldn't have kids.

  • Mo. In fact trends show the opposite

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 4

  • I agree with you. The way I see it is if you're gonna be married to someone for the rest of your life, why rush into it right now? Marriage a lifelong commitment, so take the time to really think it through. I've never been in love, but I do understand that emotions can get in the way and even take control.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you are doing the right thing. I got my bachelors, worked on Park Ave. in NYC, lived in Italy for 2 years, then got my masters before I got married. I now have 4 kids and have been married for 17 years and still going strong! I felt like you, worried about ending up alone, but I was selective and I am glad I was. Don't let anyone tell you to rush into marriage because most people I know that got married early, are now on their second marriages. And it is not that dangerous to have kids in your 30s. Lots of people do, so don't be so worried about it :-)

    0|0
    0|0
  • most people where I live get married upwards of mid 20s.

    i would like to be married before I am 30 and have kids in my 30s

    0|0
    0|0
  • yeah I know what you mean.

    in my high school, seeing pregnant people or girls or guys with kids was the norm.

    i kind of feel like the outcast for not being like them, but of course I don't care. (I was always the weird one anyway.)

    and it continues. people my age are getting married or having kids.

    it makes me a bit wary about meeting guys. I don't want a guy with kids. I'm only 20. I'll leave that for when I'm in my 30s or 40s.

    i agree with you though. I thought that in my 20s, I was going to try to figure out who I am, what I like, how to date, etc. its supposed to be a time of discovery. not settling down and shielding yourself from the world.

    i guess its different for everyone though. some people just want to settle down early, while there are those of us who are taking our time for things. I don't think those things should be rushed but OK. to each their own.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...