Disagreeing on marriage age...I don't want to scare him; help please!

my boyfriend and I were talking about taking a vacation to Finland, but it's really expensive, and I "jokingly" brought up that we could take a vacation there for our 10 year anniversary (of dating, not marriage).

then I slipped in the question of when he would get married, and he said that 30 is his limit (as in he wants to be married by 30 at latest) but it seemed like 30 was a comfortable age for him.

it's weird because in the past we've both agreed that 28 would be the "perfect" age to get married. For me, 30 doesn't work, and I want to be married BY 28. In an ideal situation I would be engaged at 26 so I could have a nice 2 year engagement with no pressure of wedding planning on a tight schedule and just enjoy being engaged. I feel like I've told my boyfriend this before, when we were discussing marriage a while ago.

i'm not really sure what to do, because my first instinct is to bring up to him how 30 is too old, and reinforce my feeling that 26 is a good age to get engaged. but at the same time, I don't want him to freak out because I'm bringing up marriage, or feel pressured (we're both 24 so 26 isn't that far off).

what do I do? what should I say?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "For me, 30 doesn't work, and I want to be married BY 28."

    I think you're obsessing over this a little much. According to your plan, you've got another two years before he proposes. A lot can happen in two years, so stop taking his offhand remark about his (maximum) age so seriously. I'm sure in the next two years, the topic will present itself again without you having to go into freakout mode.

    As an aside, there is absolutely no logic in your conclusions that somehow, 26 is a "perfect" age to get engaged, 28 a "perfect" age to get married, and 30 is "too old". That's absolutely the most retarded thing I've heard in... well, months, at least. And I hear a LOT of retarded things.

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    • the logic behind the plan I have is 26 would allow me a 2 year engagement period, so that unlike many brides who become bridezilla over everything and lose sight of just enjoying being engaged doesn't happen to me. So a 2 year engagement puts marriage age at 28, when I hope to have established a career of my own that I can be proud of. 30 is when I'd like to have my first child because it would give me 2 years of marriage to enjoy before bringing another life into the world.

    • No, I understand the whole "two year" gap thing, I'm just saying it's kind of stupid. You've got everything planned out here to the nth degree, as if it needed to be law. You don't seem to realize that life rarely ever works out that way, with so many uncontrollable variables affecting everything, especially with so much time involved.

    • If you've previously brought this whole plan up to your boyfriend, it wouldn't surprise me if he threw the number 30 out there just to see how you'd react to having a wrench thrown into your life-plan. What are you going to do if he decides he really doesn't want to get married until he's 30? You going to dump him and find someone who wants to get married at 28?

      I'm just saying, placing the kind of importance on these things that you are seems a little... well.. Bridezilla in the first place.

What Guys Said 1

  • Don't worry about the numbers game. When the time comes to get married you both will know when the time is right. People like to throw out numbers that sound logical to them but love is never logical, emotion and passion will trump preconcieved ideas when the time is right.

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you don't feel comfortable enough to discuss this issues with him directly, and you have to ask strangers on advice, I'd re-think the whole thing all together. Relationships like this lead to fickle marriages, sorry to say.

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  • what difference does it make, if you're 28 or 30 or 32 or 34 or w/e, why does it matter. if you're in a relationship, you will be with him, regardless.

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  • it isn't about the numbers game, be happy you even have someone who is committed to you and wants a future with you, waiting an extra year or two off your "plan" isn't a big deal if you have somebody anyway, remember life isn't about mapping out your plans it just happens not always the way we want or expect

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