I want to propose to him, bad idea?

My boyfriend is the marriage type but he is also fairly, well, traditional. I feel like I am ready for it. And I want to ask him. We have been together for enough time for us to have talked about it. But, back to my question... Should I, as a modern young woman, ask him to marry me or as a traditional to a point young man, would YOU find it offensive?

Updates:
Here is another question in the question: girls, I'm told, dream of their wedding day... Do guys dream of how they would propose?
And to get it straight: we have spoken about marriage, we have dysfunctional families (who doesn't?), he wants me to mother his children. I'm just not sure if he is waiting because he is nervous, I mean, that is a huge step.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • PERSONALLY, I would not find it offensive. I would be fine with it (you know, assuming I wanted to marry her). I might feel a little bit like I let her down by not doing it before her as typically is expected, but I would not be upset with her at all. I'd love it, I think.

    Now as for your boyfriend, it depends. Do you think he would get angry, feel emasculated or embarrassed? Obviously you love him and want him to be happy, but if he expects certain gender roles and you challenge them (and good on you for that), then you are going to clash over that at some point. I'm not sure your wedding proposal is the best time to challenge your boyfriends outdated expectations, though. It all depends on his expectations, your relationship, how often you have challenged his views, how he coped with those challenges, etc. But, if he is really traditional, I don't see how putting him in a spot where he is uncomfortable and, maybe, embarrassed is going to help a wedding proposal. Obviously it shouldn't matter, but to him it will. Either he needs to get over traditional gender role expectations before you propose, or I would suggest letting him do it for both of your sake, and then you can work with him on his expectations later.

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    • This is why I am asking for some opinions. ;) I'm also gauging his reactions on things lol

    • In reply to your update: Yeah, I've considered how I may propose before. And how other people have done it interests me, too. But I think how one proposes should depend on the one they are proposing to, so I don't have any elaborate or definite plans or anything as I'm single.

What Guys Said 8

  • You sound like the kinda woman who would do just that ;P

    And I say, if you really want to, go for it! There will be some, possibly many guys put off by that though. I would try and subtly gauge your man to see if he would or wouldn't be offended, first.

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    • Update response: Yes, some men, when they decide they want to propose, do put elaborate thought into is. I read how a guy with high premium status with some airline was able to get them to arrange an after hours tour of the Taj Mahal while he was in India, so he could propose to his Girlfriend in front of in on a full moon night.

      But we don't dwell on it like women do with wedding days.

    • Fair enough

  • I'd be bothered.

    He might be waiting because of timing, he might be waiting because he's saving for a ring, he might be waiting because he's 80% sure and waiting to be 99% sure.

    In any case, while I certainly never dreamed about proposing, its still something you do as a guy, and people ask about, and I'd have felt kind of like that got taken away from me if my wife had proposed.

    i don't think guys think about their wedding.

    Guys who are waiting think about their wedding night.

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  • You could just ask him, "When are you going to propose to me?"

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    • I could, but it would come out as "Where is my ring?" lol

    • So are you going to buy an engagement ring for him if you propose to him?

  • I'd feel strage having the girl ask me. It's not only because of the traditional issue, but if I wasn't ready yet I would feel horrible telling her no. This could really hurt a relationship if he's just not ready yet. My advice is just be patient and let him do it.

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    • yeah but that applies the same when a man proposes and she isn't ready. Comes with the territory.

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    • I suppose it's different for everyone. I'm very close with my family as well as hers. I like having everyone involved with a decision that big. The same was true when she was pregnant. I still think you should wait for him.

    • It's great to be close, I agree. I'm close with my parents, but I don't feel the need to tell them everything. But like you said,it's different for everyone. And nothing wrong with tradition either.

  • i don't think its offensive but it will throw him off because its something really unexpected for a girl to do so I would be speechles feel strange but flattered at the same time

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  • i see no problem with it. I wouldn't find if offensive at all

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  • I have heard that you can do that on February 29th.

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  • It depends on the guy I guess, I wouldn't find it offensive but I"d really like to have that opportunity to make it special for her too.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I don't think it's a very good idea. I mean you said yourself he's traditional. If you are ready then how about you just start dropping hints instead? You're putting him in a very tight spot. It takes longer for guys to feel ready to make that final commitment than it does for girls. Think about that first and like I said, rather drop hints. That's the safer route.

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  • This is just my opinion - I'm all for the equality between the sexes as far as who asks who out on a date, or working and pay, going to college, etc. But I think proposing is one of those few things that guys should be able to keep doing. It's just one of those special things for them. Instead of proposing, I think you should just start discussing marriage and see if he's open to the idea or can see that serious of a future between you.

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  • No, don't do it. you can hint.

    mine was not like that. we were open with ever tying, no secret. I knew he went to pick up the ring. I came back to his house, and asked to see it. I did and was on my finger since. he didn't get to do the traditional work.

    now that things are rough, he claimed that he never asked me...so let it be more secretive.

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  • No. BAD IDEA. The guy should ALWAYS be the one to propose. ESPECIALLY since you said he's the traditional type. he'll probably be down right emasculated if you proposed. You need to hint at it. But don't straight up say "will you marry me." That's off limits for a girl to say. Ever. lol

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    • Not ever. Lol. He is traditional to a point. I'm just way too forward to hint. My hint would end up being an ambush wedding. LOL but you do have a point

  • I say don't do it. You say you're ready, but what if he's not? I feel you should wait it out until he asks you, obviously hint it out and talk about it more. But, that's just odd, a woman picking out the ring, proposing? o.o call me old fashioned but I'd think if a guy really wanted to marry a woman, he would do it and try to make it special. He'll probably wish he got the opportunity to propose to you if you did it.

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  • maybe there is a reason he hasn't asked, not to say he doesn't want to marry you but I wouldn't purpose

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