Is it okay for my wife to talk to her ex's family? Am I wrong from saying she can't talk to them at all?

[Anonymous]

I recently got married and I got mad at my wife because she was talking to her EX's uncle. I didn't care at first but she was talking to him right in front of me. And what bothered me about the conversation was that she didn't even mention me at all or that she was married. Her EX has caused problems for our relationship before and I must have had some unresolved resentment from that experience because I became very angry and it pissed me off like I've never been pissed before at. her My blood felt like it was boiling.She noticed I was upset because I got real quiet.

Finally I told her what was bothering me and I told her exactly how I felt. I thought is was weird that she was talking to them and I also told her that "I don't see how staying in contact with them can benefit our relationship? "I told her" I don't understand why you didn't tell them you were married or even mentioned my name." I told her not to talk to his family anymore or we are going to have serious problems."

Am I wrong for this? Am I being controlling? I don't want to be like that but I can't help how I feel. I don't think her family is beneficial for our relationship and I view them as my enemy. Because their son or nephew or who ever he is to them got his heart broke because I took his girl. He treated her like #$%^ but she still had feelings for him when we first started dating and she put me through hell because I was in love with her and put up with her sneaking behind my back hanging out with..

I finally got rid of him after a few months ;now she won't answer his phone calls and now her family is calling her.I just want these people to leave my marriage alone in peace. I'm tired of being reminded of this guy.

I think she is mad at me for saying what I said. I don't think I can compromise this. Am I being too controlling by laying the law down with her Ex and his family? Any opinions or comparisons?

Updates

+1 y

Well I been thinking about it rationally and I think I have come up with a solution. She can talk to them because it is not my place to to tell her who she can be friends with. If she wants to be friends with them than I have to be there. If they don't like me and can't accept my presence than the friendship is inappropriate. Because she is my my wife and we are one together.How can you be friends with a enemy of your husband? If she can't accept this than is time for me to leave.

Updates

+1 y

My anger resided after talking with her and we resolve the issue and now we are back to normal. Thank you all for your impute and opinions. I like to see other peoples perspective on things because sometimes our emotions can cloud our judgement. thank you

[Anonymous]

hmmm, It would be one thing if she ended the relationship with this other guy on even terms but now that her family has started to called after she ignored his calls that seems strange. A persona can still be close to an Ex's family but it is not a good idea in this situation I don't think.

There may be only so much you can do, controlling someone isn't really a good idea because it will push her away. But at the same time this is not a good idea for her to keep talking to them. She should have resolved all this before you got married to be honest. She really needs to determine who she really wants to be with. It's okay to still really like an Ex or his/her family but it impunes upon the husband of wife which of course is you in this situation.

You have to walk a fine line, because you have to push her to cut them out but not so much that it causes problems in the relationship. I know it seems like this guy and his family are the problem which they are of course, but she is the real problem, she shouldn't be doing this. She shouldn't have gotten married if she were still so attached to someone else and his family, you made her cut him out did you not?

You aren't wrong, they need to go but she has a bigger choice to make I think, why is she talking to them, if she didn't have feelings for him or his family whatever those feelings are then she wouldn't need to talk to them. There's no logical motivation for it unless she really still had an emotional bond to them. I think she needs to respect you and your relationship more for one but I still think she really needs to figure out what she really wants because she can't have both.

I wish I could help more, sorry

[ariena09]

Ok well, you are entitled to feel that way and everything you says was OK up until you told her you were going to have problems if she continued talking to them. That makes you seem like you are controlling because saying that is kind of a threat. Tell her that you love her very much and you don't want anyone interfering with your relationship. Try to explain to her that you would feel more comfortable if she focused on the future and tell her that staying if contact with her ex's is just going to make her life more stressful and cause more problems. Just make it seem like staying in touch with her ex's would be damaging to her. (It's all about how she feels...)

[Asker]

Well I didn't tell her in a threatening way,I was concerned for our relationship because I don't even want to have sex with her. I told her I wasn't trying to be controlling but I can't help how I feel... I mean where do you draw the line in the sand? I guess I may be wrong but marriage is all about compromise. If she can't sacrifice them? then she will sacrifice our marriage. Cause I can't live with this feeling and I will not put up with this. I really hope she gets over her anger and forgives me

[ariena09]

You seem like a very nice and understanding guy. Marriage is about compromise but there are some things that could be damaging to a relationship and I think you sought out one of them. If she doesn't see it yet she will have to figure it out the hard way. There is nothing more you can do. I hope everything works out. She will probably get over it. Girls tend to take a bit longer than guys to get over things so dw.

[Anonymous]

I would understand you not wanting her to talk to her ex. But his family, that's different. He was once a part of her life and so were they. She may have had a good relationship with some of them. I'm sure maybe they already knew you guys were together or maybe they didn't ask so she didn't think to mention it. I think you are being a little controlling. Sounds like you don't trust her much. But in my opinion you shouldn't get mad at her for talking to them.

[Asker]

Well Its not like I'm trying to control her I am just telling her so that she knows how I feel. I can't live with this anymore. Its either them or me. She betrayed me with her when we first started dating so I am a little insecure about it. But I will not go through that again. I guess I'm drawing the line in the sand with a ultimatum. If she crosses it then its a divorce.

[Opinion Owner]

Ultimatums can backfire tho. She may respect your wishes but it could cause her to have resentment towards you, causing the relationship to slowly deteriorate.

[Impex]

I understand where you are coming from and why you feel that way and I sympathize with you, but what exactly did she say or how did she respond when you told her how you felt and everything?

I agree with you about her not talking to them, her EX is her past and that's his family and in a way talking to them represents a link to her EX which she needs to get rid of. If she is married to you then your feelings and thoughts should be her main focus when it comes to matters like these, in a marriage actions and decisions should never be one-sided. She needs to understand that although they are just his family and not him they still represent the past and a connection to her EX which she needs to cut. She has other friends I'm sure and a life to tend to both at home and work. She can very easily drop them from her life and I see no reason why she shouldn't.

[TheUglyOne]

Soul search why this bothers you so intently. From my perspective, other than not introducing you to her ex's uncle, I don't see what she did that could trigger such anger. And even failing to introduce was only thoughtless lapse rather than a slight to you. Your anger is comparable to what most men would have only if they actually were to walk in on their woman doing it with their ex.
Were you burnt in past relations? Cheated on? Because from what I can tell, the situation doesn't seem to warrant the level of anger you felt.

[NerdGrl]

I.think you may be.wrong...shes talking to her ex family, not her ex...but at the same time she should be.compassionate about YOUR feelings. I don't think your.controling but i.dont think you.should be too hard on her :/

[Anonymous]

read your update, really good decision, I hope everything works out,best of luck

[Asker]

My anger resided after talking with her and we resolve the issue and now we are back to normal. Thank you all for your impute and opinions. I like to see other peoples perspective on things because sometimes our emotions can cloud our judgement. thank you

[Anonymous]

every marriage harbors suspicion and deceit...!