Is this the last straw?

I got really drunk and when I home (came home wasted 10 times). My wife was in the kitchen and she started yelling at me for coming home drunk and not calling her. Then we had a fight about my drinking and pretty everything that's with our marriage. It was at the point where we were screaming at each other. Then I yelled " YOUR A FUCKING BITCH" and then the water works happen. She's quite sensitive and it really doesn't help that I have no clue to calm her down . She went to a hotel, I haven't heard from since. I call her on her cell but she won't pick up. Is this the last straw?

Updates:
We made up today. I gave her some flowers but she told me if I don't stop drinking she'll leave. Also her dad was a drunk when she was 9 (forget to told you that part sorry) and he died from it too (again sorry).
My wife banned all beer from the house cause I came drunk again. and apparently call her a slut in fount of her sister. My wife didn't say anything but she did cry about it for an hour (had no idea to handle it again) and slept in the guest room .
My wife took me aa meeting (she said we were going to a bar),at 1# we had a bit of a fight about because she wouldn't get off my case but I gave in.not sure why I need help in the 1# place.
we got divorced because I found that she was cheating on me
and she was drunk

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow I know people who fight like that all the time and they are still together (not sure that's a good thing lol). Anyway. The chances of this being over kinda depend on how often you guys have one of these blow ups and how you handle it from here on out. Sounds to me like both of you need to do more listening then talking. I don't know about you, but I know as soon as someone starts yelling at me, I quit listening to them.

    Ask yourself if you want it to be over, are you relieved at the though, or does it cause you immense pain. If you don't want it to be over, sounds to me like you need to make some tough decisions. Drinking can tear apart even the best relationships, I'm not saying you have a problem, only you can know that. I'm just saying if your wife has a problem with your drinking you better think about what you can do to fix this rift between the two of you.

    Don't make any promises you don't intend on keeping (like promising to quit drinking if your not willing to do it, it will only make things worse then they already are the next time you drink). Above all listen to her , validate what she is saying, and what her concerns are, let her have her say. Too often we interrupt and don't let the other person tell how they feel. We are too busy defending ourselves and our own actions.

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    • Get a handle on this situation or you will loose your wife. She won't stay in a relationship that's just one big fight for long. Sounds like she is at her breaking point. WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT the booze or the woman. Get some help while you still have her to help you through this.

    • What do you mean your not sure why you need help in the first place? You need help only if you want to keep your wife. If you don't well then there is no need to seek any help or to take any help that is being offered. If you love your wife and want to keep her get the help you need, if you could care less and want to spend the rest of your life alone and in the bottom of a bottle don't bother with the help that's been offered pretty simple really.

What Girls Said 12

  • she shouldnt take you to an AA meeting, you should go when you want to or feel as if you have a problem. forcing you to go won't help anything or help you sober up. its the number one rule. but its awesome she's trying maybe she's going the wrong route though. However, obviously she's telling you you have a problem. if you don't think you have a problem and she does, this will cause conflict, since you don't think you have a problem, then you need to leave her stop wasting her time. otherwise you're going to be fighting 24/7 and you'll wind up hurting her unintentionally.

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  • go to Blockbuster and rent the movie "Fireproof" it will help you're marriage as well as a date night at home.

    Giving flowers and being nice doesn't last long, the flowers die, attitudes will happen again, and the temptation of drinking will come up again especially since you're so young, and I'm sure a lot of your friends drink too, it;d be hard to resist..

    WATCH THE MOVIE it will help in more than one way

    WATCH IT WATCH IT!

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    • What is it about?

    • Its about a marriage falling apart, the situation is different, your drinking the guys issue was porn, but same idea.. serious, watch it. and seek Christ. good luck.

  • been there, done that.

    my ex *he is my ex because of his drinking escapades..* has come home drunk many of nights over 5 years time frame. and every time I yelled at him. it got to the point that when he would come home from work I would tell him to leave. I quit waiting up for him to get home too.

    it could be a last straw deal but I don't know your relationship at all to tell you. some people can only put up with so much.

    i have learned this though...dont poke at the drunk guy. if he came home drunk, I left him alone and didn't speak to him...for a few days. oh and "aa" doesn't prove anything unless you stick to it. and I don't mean just for a few months. make it worth it. if your relationship problems have been because of alcohol then take a step back and look at yourself. put yourself in her shoes. how would you feel if you were the one at home worrying if the other was in an accident or fight or dead all because they were too busy worrying about which bartender was going to give you your next drink...you wouldn't be too pleased either. trust me.

    give it time. definitely give her time to think and decide. the more you bug her, the more you could be pushing her away. wait a week and if you don't hear from her, give her a call and let her know from your heart that you are trying. good luck.

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  • she has to make sure you have changed to come back. Sign up for AA or any help group to prove to her that you have changed

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  • I wouldn't call her anymore let her clear her head first. Maybe she will come around again. How long ago did she leave?

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  • take what she says to heart. next time, she will leave you. and the her dad being a drunk also plays a huge role in why she doesn't want you drinking. she probably doesn't want to go through with you what her parents went through. congrats and good luck

    ps

    the calming her down part...if she's crying, be concerned and sympathetic. ask her what's wrong and talk to her about it. a hug helps too. :)

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  • nice job...didnt you learn the first time around?

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  • Your wife thinks it's okay to yell at you ... but when you yell at her she breaks down in tears? Boo hoo!

    Give me a break. That's manipulative.

    Why were you out drinking? Because your wife is a fukcing bitch and you'd rather be drunk than be home with her?

    What's the story?

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  • First off! Good for your wife! She must really truly have unconditional love for you..because if you were my guy I would have likely dump your drunk butt off at some homeless mission! Secondly, I really hope there are no children in your home witnessing this behavior! If there are, you should thank your lucky stars that no one has called Children Service and reported this yet!

    Finally, man for your ownself at least if not for your wife/family get some freaking help because you obviously have a serious addiction!

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  • if you want to save your marriage I really think you need to get yourself some help... I mean you know that she has a problem with you drinking yet you still do it... and she's probably more hurt because you know how her father died... and she clearly doesn't want that to happen to you... so you need to get some help go to AA classes...

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  • ! omg good thing you made up but stll...STOP drinking!

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  • HIGHLY DOUBT its the last straw. give it time

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What Guys Said 9

  • Man to Man...

    Would you want someone doing this to your daughter? (if you had one)

    Just think of someone doing this to your mother...

    I know it ain't cool... and trust me, I'm not perfect.

    But we have to work on this...

    If your anything like me then you do love her.

    Well your married to her, so I assume that you do.

    All I can say is your at a point in your life where you should already be putting her first.

    Shes your wife!

    Thats more than a live in girlfriend.

    Your life is suppose to be committed to making her happy.

    So my advice... Deny yourself. What I mean by that is stop being selfish.

    Drinking is something only you enjoy.

    So let it go for the love of your wife.

    Put that woman first... before you lose that great thing that you do have.

    I honor her for sticking with you through it all, now show her she didn't do it for nothing.

    Good Luck Man!

    Sincerely,

    A Loving Black Man

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  • dude, if your drinking is affecting your wife in any manner...You need to stop drinking. Seriously. That's your wife, I don't give a damn what excuse you may try and present to me, it's irrelevant. People agrue all the time while married.. I think its sometimes the reason they do get married. It's a terrible sight to see, but aside from that, you have a responsiblity to her and yourself. I quit drinking because I didn't like how it affected me. I feel a lot better for my decision. I sleep better, I eat better, all around my situation has improved. If you can't do this, or wont, then I hope she divorces you and finds someone who will treat her better. This is all on you man. You gotta be the change you wish to see in the world. - good luck. - j

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  • Wow

    Crash every thing I just said about her...

    No respect left for her

    I can't believe it!

    I wonder how long its been going on?

    I'm so sorry to hear that dude...

    I pray for you now...

    Sincerely,

    A Loving Black Man

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  • ... give her time... is all I can say. I don't think its over tho.

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    • Thats the most rediculous answer ever! if he wants it to work it takes BOTH of them. And Christ. You're answer is giving the impression that its his WIFE that has to do all the thinking and figuring out when they should be going through it together.

    • Dont be ridiculous! ur stupid. his wife obviously needs time alone! he just called her a bitch! do you think she wants t otalk to him right now?

  • Get help or get divorced. You like to drink, she doesn't. She lost her father to drinking so every time you come home drunk, you're putting that memory into play obviously. You two are screaming at each other. It's time you sat across from her and located some middle ground.

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  • dude it sounds to me that you need to stop drinking sht has already lost her dad she does not want to lose you

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  • Give up the bottle DOOD ! If you love her prove it. Make a decision. The bottle or your family !

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  • What a wimp?

    Your a drunk and once a drunk always a DRUNK

    So what's going to change nothing?

    You'll still be drinking,and parting,and drinking,party,

    more drinking and more drinking.

    How are things going to change?

    You didn't say if your going to do a 360 and change

    poor lass

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    • Thats not true, "once a drunk always a drunk" people change ALL the time for better or for worse, and if he seeks the love and help from Christ he will change for the better. But I DO agree, he DIDNT say he would do a 360 change and that's just wrong, I feel sorry for his wife and him.

  • Well unless you stop drinking and do a 180-turn

    Do you hear that?

    It's the fat Lady

    JUST BEND OVER AND TOUCH YOUR ANKLES

    YOUR SCREWED BUDDIE

    PS LUBE OR NO LUBE

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