Why is my mom so concerned with my getting a boyfriend and getting hitched?

Is it a bit too early for my mom to get worried about who (or if) I'll get married to/or will I every marry? I'm 23, btw.

she's acting as if I'm in my mid 30s and like as if there's an expiration date to my marriageability.

her constant worry is actually infectious and I'm getting quite worried as well in regards to when I'll ever have a legit boyfriend (I've never had one ever before).

does anybody else's parent or mom do this to you? isn't it so damn annoying and not to mention quite a blow to your own self esteem?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, there is some truth to the idea that finding a partner worthwhile for marriage is harder to find as you get older, but part of that is that as we age, our priorities in a relationship change.

    My mother used to stress about it to some degree, but now at 30 she just wants to me to be loved by someone who truly cares for me.

    She used to worry about a whole host of other stuff. But for her it changed after awhile because I'm accomplished in a lot of other things in my life that getting married right away wasn't a priority as I've gotten older.

    Would I like to get married? Sure! But you know, I'd also like to retire, and that takes time and work. So I figure I've got the work part down, and now time just needs to evolve. I'll get there when I'm ready, not at all worried about it.

    And at some point your mother will not worry about it either, but as you're a daughter and not a son, don't expect it to end anytime soon.

    And remember, most parents today still came from a culture where a woman's success was measured by her husband. So, who concern though ill-conceived is merely a product of her life experience, nothing to be offended by.

    Good luck!

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What Guys Said 5

  • well, her experience is probably that women have an edge over men at a young age, because they are very attractive. ~22 year old girls can hook up with any guy from the age of 18 to 60. But as they get older they tend to lose their looks really fast, meanwhile a decent chunk of the 18 to 60 year old guys are still drooling over the 22 year-olds. Your pool of available mates becomes further compounded by the fact that another decent chunk of the 'realistic' guys who don't seek the hottest girls of the bunch do so only because they know they can not obtain them for what is likely to be very significant reasons.

    She doesn't want to tell you this directly, because it is sort of cynical and also suggests that you should put more emphasis on using your body to attract men, which is for whatever reason considered bad advice, despite the fact that it is the most effective method.

    but this is all guesswork. I'm obviously not a mother...

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    • actually she did sorta tell me the same exact thing you stated in your first paragraph.

    • huh. how about that.

      I guess the question now is why is she so obsessed with this? Is she unhappy with her match or does she associate herself with women who regularly turn out to be unhappy with their match and hears complaints about men all day? You would know better than I...

      The truth is, whatever her reasons, things are not guaranteed to go down that way. It's only a fraction, but decent good-looking men do sometimes last into their 30s without being in a relationship ;-)

  • Probably because she knows you will need to go through a lot of failed relationships to get to one that will make you happy. =P

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    • ...unless you have more time to mature and get to know yourself better. Probably most of those failures people experience when they're younger are because they don't know what they're looking for yet.

    • Show All
    • first... There is a learning curve for all of us and we all make mistakes.

    • I even make mistakes when I know they will lead me to trouble out of shear stubbornness sometimes. Learning how to fix things and apologize is also important. No one is always right...

  • She wants you to be happy. And it's been done to me.

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  • I understand what's it's like to have a mother who worries too much. lol If my brother hadn't already had kids, I'd probably be getting bugged about it myself! If you're an only child, I can probably understand why she's feeling that way, but if not...well, she really needs to take a chill-pill. lol

    Twenty-three is not old or anything. Society pushes sex far too much, which only makes people feel all the more rushed to go out and start a family, but the truth is that these days, there really is NO rush to have kids. People are capable of having children much later in life than they used to, so age isn't the issue. If anything, with the economy the way it is now, it'd probably be rather unwise to be starting a family at this time, since the cost of raising children just keeps going up, along with various other expenses.

    Lastly, you don't want to rush into marriage simply to have kids: that's a HORRIBLE reason to get married, and a sure-fire way to end up divorced and alone with the kids. WHO and WHY you marry is even more important than IF or WHEN you marry; if you're planning on having kids, you don't want to have a father who is abusive, neglectful or will abandon them, so it's far better not to rush into it. Marry someone because you love them, trust them and respect them, and have kids with them because you both want to...not just to make your mother happy. lol It's your life, not hers: she had her chance, it's yours now.

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  • She's just being a mother...

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    • yeah, not a very comforting one, that's 4 sure

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