And if you already are married, or about to be, did you feel confident when you found "the one".
My boyfriend and I often tell each other how special the other is, and how there is no other better, but when the topic of marriage comes up, he says "Who knows who or when I'll end up getting married."
I know he is looking forward to having a family one day, as am I. Even though I'm not going to marry him tomorrow - We aren't ready for that-, I find it silly to think I'll marry anyone who isn't him, because he's so perfect for me. Everything he says implies that too, until it's the out in the open conversation.
Is it weird or normal for him to not *think* he's going to marry me? Once he said he could imagine himself very happy if he did end up marrying me, but he just didn't really like talking about it.
What do you think!?
And by the way, I do not push this on him, this is just
Most Helpful Guy
I'm already married, so I'll be coming into this from the looking-back perspective.
In response to your question for married users, did I feel confident that I found "the one"? I never actually believed in the one, even the very day I walked up the aisle; I always thought people had varying degrees of compatibility and as long as it was someone with high compatibilty - say someone in about one in a 150,0000 people (a small/midsize town) - then that would be sufficient. I came into marriage with my eyes wide open like a baseball batter staring at a pitcher, waiting for the throw. No matter what came off the mound, I was going to give it my best swing. I did have a long courting period, a good 4.5 years, so I kind of had an idea of who I was getting with.
It was a good thing I came into the marriage with the expectation that there might be waves, because there were -- financial, relational, values conflicts, etc. We solved these by 1) not giving up on trying to solve them (don't leave problems lying around forever), and 2) not giving up on each other when we were exhausted or frustrated or felt we had enough.
All was smooth sailing for until year 7, where we hit a rough patch. Got through that too.
By year 10, my marriage had deepened to a point where I realized that maybe there is a one -- I don't know about destined; I'm not superstitious - but maybe a "one" of our making? A strong sense that I would not be able to do this again, perhaps because I will not be young again and cannot create a life path with someone else like this again. She may have been one in a 150,000 in the beginning, but now she is one in 5 billion.
I have never, ever, at any point left anything to "fate" or "it will work because of our compatibility" or anything like that. Every day the sun rises and sets, there are things that can threaten a relationship.
You must be ever-vigilant.