He finally told me why he's not ready...

After what seemed a definate conclusion to our relationship. I decided to call my boyfriend who had not text or called me since I told him I was hurt he didn't come out to visit me recently.

We talked for a few hours, I talked for two hour of that time.

During that time he told me that he was not ready to get married because he really didn't know what marriage would be like or what to expect.

He added that I should have been trying harder to convince him that marriage would be a good idea and why.

I was utterly confused by this. Either he is being extremely honest or deflecting>>> I responded by telling him if I needed to convince him I'd feel as if I were twisting his arm. I added that his choice to marry me needed to be his choice alone. I need and deserve to know its his decision, not a forced one.

Yes people in the last two years I have grown enough to know not to attempt to concvince him to love me or propose!

He added he really wished he had come out to see me because after the phone call he realized I really wanted him here.. still the weekend passed and I was alone.

Since that phone conversation he has said " I love you" before hanging up and he's text "goodnight honey", previously he had shyed away from terms of endearment.

I told him I'd become numb and hurt from his lack of love in word or deed. Its sad how it seems to shift from him to me.

I just don't know what to believe about him now. I want to believe him but when given the chance to act he chooses to apologize later ..

Could he seriously be waiting for me to convince him that marriage is a great idea. That he should pick me?

I was married once when I was very young and again 10 years ago to my daughter's father- we divorced 5 years later..(abusive relationship & he didn't work, help or provide)..

I've been engaged once since then but broke it off because of issues I wasn't comfortable with. I've waited a few years since that occured.

My current boyfriend and I became friends first, close & then physically intimate. We've had problems but managed to overcome most of them. I just don't like feeling as if I have to convince him marriage is a good idea.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should not have to convince him. It seems a copout to me.

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    • feels like that to me as well. I also seriously told him over and over that we should end the relationship. I've said that before but he insist he cares for me, loves me and wants to keep trying to work on getting closer. Yet we are in a long distance relationship, when he could have come he didnt, saying it was just too far to travel for a day or two together.. I don't respond with I love you to him anymore although I do in my heart. He takes me for granted. What can I do?

    • It seems to me that you you have a choice to make. How long do you keep waiting? You seemed to have played this game before, and those did not work out as you would have liked? Do you really see this one going down any other path? LDRs are hard, and if both of you are not committed, then it isn't going to work. If you love someone, you will travel hell or high water to get to them. Even if it is for only 2 days.

      You have a choice to make... I wish you well.

    • "If you love someone, you will travel hell or high water to get to them. Even if it is for only 2 days".

      Thank You..that is exactly what I was wondering about.

What Guys Said 1

  • Is this a question?

    Maybe you should start a blog or something. This site is for people who have questions.

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