Wedding but no family included?

My fiance and I got engaged six months ago and at the time things seem perfect. Now its a different story, when I proposed I surprised my fiance by flying her family in to visit for the weekend to celebrate. At the time I didn't think anything of it but looking back nearly every time something came up that I'd done for my fiance. Someone would ask me and her about the cost, mainly just constantly steering the conversation towards money

Well towards the end of the weekend one of her uncles and her dad pulled me to the side and ask if they could burrow some money. I wasn't thinking much of it seeing as I did contact everyone at the last minute to fly in. So giving a couple of bucks didn't bother me, well that's where the issue started.

So I gave them both eighty bucks each, and as I turned to walk away her uncle grabs my arm and says "thats it? come on you can do better than this. She told us what you do, which is pretty good and unexpected for a black guy no offense but you can do better than eighty bucks for you family" and smiles at me. I didn't have to respond before my fiance came in with this look that I pray is never aimed towards me. Called everyone over and told them all what she had heard and that she wants nothing to do with any of them. She turned towards me and said "babe this is why I didn't want you to meet them, this is why I moved so far from them".

This pretty much sent everyone into a bit of a panic, cause for the next few minutes it was just chaos. Her mom tried attacking her dad,her uncle tried going after her I ended up hitting him. Which turned some of the yelling towards me for a bit until my fiance attack her aunt.

After getting everything settled my fiance just starts screaming for all of them to get out, and how theyre nothing but embarrassing. Finally they all leave my fiance was in tears most of the night, and one point begged me not to speak to any of them again.

Well earlier this week her mom called begging to be invited to the wedding, saying she didn't care if she was the only one invited she just wants to be there to see her daughter. I tried talking my fiance into it but she refuses to have any of them involved.

Should I continue to try to convince my fiance to invite her mom? I mean were set to get married in April next year I just don't want her to regret not having anyone from her family there

OR

Should I just let it go?

I mean she is already planning on inviting friends from back home so would that be good enough?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ouch, that's a tough situation =( and I applaud you so much for being so good with the situation. Personally, I would feel the need to try and convince her to invite her mom still, because it is somewhat of a lonely feeling not having anyone from family there, but I can't speak for her. if she really is that estranged from her family and wants absolutely nothing to do with them, then I guess it's not your place to push it. I suggest waiting a few weeks or months to bring it up again, and maybe if it seems like her mom is more "sane" for lack of a better term, try pulling that. Or it might just be a better idea to ask about her family because for some reason despite you guys getting married, you seem to have little or no idea about her family background or dynamic.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yeah I can understand why doesn't want anything to do with them. They embarrass her and she's obviously mortified and feels ashamed of them asking you for money. She probably tried to get as far away from them as possible.

    As for her mother at the wedding, it is tricky. It will cause an even bigger wedge between them if she refuses to invite her and as you said may regret it in time to come. It really depends on how deeply she feels about it. Has she ever spoken of her family before or did she run for the hills and cut all ties?

    Maybe give her a little more time for the anger and shame to subside but I would try and encourage her to at least invite her mother. Afterall her mother wasn't one asking you for money and her contacting you to beg to go to your wedding means she wants to be there, she wants to see her daughter get married. Just don't force the issue and don't bring it up for a while, maybe leave it until after Xmas you have time on your side

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What Guys Said 2

  • Her family, her decision.

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  • Let it go. As someone who knows exactly how she feels, just let it go.

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