Is marriage what you thought it would be?

Having never been married, my perspective on the subject is different from most. But as I've gotten older, it seems that the perspective of a lot of my female friends has changed significantly. Particularly as they get into their mid-30's. So for those of you ladies who are or have been married...is it what you expected? I know there's a certain level of expectation we're all taught growing up, and I wonder if that's the root of any later dissatisfaction. Thanks in advance, I love hearing your thoughts on this :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not sure if you are going to get an honest answer on this topic. Not too many women will come out and say they are unhappily married. Men are mostly the ones who are out spoken about being unhappy in their marriage. Women tend to hang in there and often suffer in silent. No I've never been married but almost all of my friends are and these strong intelligent smart women are doing all the work in the marriage trying to hold on to the husband. It just appears that people marry for different reasons. Some for love, money, and some seldom marry for friendship. I rather marry for friendship which can be a sturdy foundation. Yes money management is an issue as well as roles in the household. The longer we live alone the harder it is to merge with someone else. This can make marriage difficult in the beginning. I have seen a lot of my friends change just because they got married. Are they better for it? Well some of them are happy and some are not. Whew!

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    • I agree that women often suffer in silence. Which begs another question...why?

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    • @kholland It's not as simple as doing a background check or exercising due diligence before marrying somone to forsee a happy marriage. People may change over time, which isn't always unforeseeable. As far as women adding roles to their gender, I strongly disagree. The male's role have diminished in modern society, thus propelling the woman's role. For example, the cost of living and diminshed salaries have decreased the male's role, because it forces many women to work in order to provide

    • for their household. In addition, women are self sufficeint more than ever. Many women nolonger rely on men to protect them, or to fix their cars or the plumbing. Simply put, certain aspects of the past male's role is near extinction. It's not feminism. It's evolution, IMO.

What Girls Said 3

  • Nate18 I was simply stating some facts. No I don't believe everything my friends tell me. Why are you so angry? What's your deal? I just made a comment and now you are coming after me? If you disagree the intelligent thing to do is state why not going into some psychotic rampage of verbal aggression. I'm just saying.

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  • I was living with a guy for four years, which is like being married. It turned out to be half of what I expected. I right of away ran into living with him too soon. Which is kinda like getting married right away.

    Maybe taking a longer time dating is when we can see if it's what we've wanted a along.

    About expectations we all have different expectations,and it depends on what your level of expectation is and If you keep it as your root stay open minded to learn more on relationships. And don't forget to think about your experiences.

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  • There are definitely challenges. We didn't live together before so we have to learn. To tolerate the little quirks . Learn to compromise. Financial is also a huge issue

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What Guys Said 2

  • I can't speak for all marriages, because we can all agree that they are all different because the concede of different couples, traditions, formalities and financial situations.

    My marriage is pretty good, we were together 11 years before thinking on tying the knot.

    I like that we waited that long to get married, because we pretty much moved past the first hurdle problems of any relationship and if they come back we work them out pretty quick, so our foundation is pretty strong.

    The relationship with her and communication is still good, because I asked her at dinner a couple of weeks ago on how she see's our relationship, she likes it that I'm very supportive and a good father, which goes the same for her.

    Only thing that we agreed on is that in the sex department we have been lacking bad and it has become well pretty dull, we are still trying to work this out.

    I'm still pretty much in love with her, the only thing in our life that is a bit irritating is the everyday repeating daily cycle of our lives which is our work and recreation.

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    • I think the final thing you mentioned is common among many people but I'm not sure if its an issue with marriage so much that its just a fact of life. There is a certain amount of monotony that comes with being an adult.

    • true, I think that I'd rather have that then a hectic and uncertain life, but a little spice now and then is very welcome.

  • Well...marriage can really suck sometimes, and the desire to simply get out of it is always running through my mind. Though, being single/dating was the most miserable part of my life. It always felt like there was a world of fun/love/kinship going on while I was sitting home alone on every weekend night after giving up after many [scary] awful dates and bar scenes, etc.. The first women usually available to a divorced father newly into dating are the bottom of the barrel.

    The thing is, I am a very attractive and intelligent man, but one can spend a lifetime "searching" for the "one"...and you only get older and more depressed the longer you are single.

    So, from my perspective, marriage is far better than being single...BUT do try VERY hard to find a mate that is equal to you in attractiveness, intelligence, and common goals/interests!

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