Is 22 almost 23 "getting old" as far as missing a window for marriage before 30?

i want to def be married before 30. I'm not ready right now but I feel anxiety about finding my future husband. I feel like I'm running out of time since I'm about to be23. I'm thinking about the time it takes to meet someone, and date, then get engaged, then plan a wedding , and finally be married. I've been in 2 serious long term relationships. one for 3 years and one lasted a year and a half. I was single for a whole year between them. now I just broke up with the last guy. I feel hopeless at times. just because this recent guy I thought I'd marry and not have to start over again. it really gives me anxiety feeling so alone. like I've almost given up and accepted I'll be alone...i know I could meet someone but right now I just feel like time is passing me by and I've wasted my time with guys now I'll get screwed over. does anyone feel like this? when did you meet your husband or wife?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You bring up some interesting questions and I think that it is great that you're thinking far ahead.

    1. For any future relationships and dating that you go on, if you go steady with a guy, you should ask him what his thoughts are on his own family history and marriage in general (not just the idea of marriage to you). That helps you screen out guys who are against marriage, which are growing in number. Marriage is very risky to men, but many are still willing to take the plunge, but you best filter out the guys who aren't ASAP, not six months to two years down the road.

    2. Give all future men you date a six month check-up. Ask yourself, can I see myself marrying this man? Has he made any overtures to suggest that are his intentions? Have you both met each others' families?

    3. 22 going on 23 is a great time to search to get married. 28-29-30 is so much harder and that's why there are four times as many girls that age doing online dating than girls your age. Now is the time for you to get serious about finding a man. You need to put yourself out there. Do online dating, join volunteer groups, join sporting events, talk to guys at the gym, supermarket, etc. You need to be interacting with the maximum number of men and finding out who is out there and marriage ready. You should be aiming for guys who are 25-35 who are stable in their career, come from a happy and intact family.

    You'll be just fine. You're smarter than a lot of girls who wait until the eve of their 29th birthday to realize that they wanted to get married and were totally passive and didn't date at all in their 20's, or they dated bad boys that could end up pumping and dumping them. Don't date bad boys, but date mature men, and do it often till you know what's out there. Just like you have to be aggressive in applying many places for a job, do the same for finding a man who wants to marry. Your options increase the more work you put into your hunt!

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    • I agree mostly, though I don't see her chances of marriage going down simply because of age. People marry at all ages these days. I'm much older than that, and I'd be happy to find someone like that around my age, but that doesn't mean I'd rule someone out simply for not being in my immediate age range.

What Guys Said 8

  • So what if you're not married at 30? Is this Logan's Run?

    If a guy freaks out because you're not married by then, it's a little weird. Plenty of people get married much later.

    Plus, the more you freak out about it, the more desperate you might look. In fact, you might date guys who aren't good for you and you MIGHT be more likely to stay in a bad relationship.

    It was 6 years between relationships with me. I know many people who went years without dating, for various reasons (and no, not creepos or losers). A year isn't a large amount of time to be single. I had a friend who went 10 years between boyfriends. I know someone who went 11 years between S.O's. Now THAT'S a long time. I know of a few 50 year olds who are JUST starting to get engaged and married; their dating and love lives weren't over at 30; they weren't over at 50.

    And yes, I've felt some of those feelings of lonliness, or sensing like a clock is ticking away, to a degree (but with women); But right now, women are about 5th or 6th on the list of major priorities. I'll keep looking, and try to keep myself open to dating, but I've got other things to do first. And those things keep me busy.

    You're young! Don't get freaked about marriage yet. Your insides won't rot at 30; it's not all downhill from there, and you won't be a dottering old lady unless you start acting like one. You won't scare people away with your cryptkeeper-esque wrinkles.



    And yes, you'll probably get screwed over. I think a good majority of us get screwed over to varying degrees by others both in AND out of romantic relationships. I get screwed over a lot in life myself. I have what seems like the worst consequences for things. You can't ALWAYS avoid getting screwed over, or feeling like you are; Now, you can HELP yourself to not make bad decisions and get hurt as much. You can make smart decisions; but sometimes, stuff just happens. You just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and choose to be wiser about certain things. That's all any of us can do.

    I wish you luck.

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  • Are you serious?!

    You are ok.. don't panic like that .. I don't mean to belittle your worry.. but I think you should not be so harch on yourself.

    I think the two guys who posted before me , Brando and the anonymous guy gave you good advice. But you need t find a man who believes in marriage and is important for him . I am not a western guy so I am not really sure how the culture is .. or what the trends are .. .. but I still don't think you should settle for less than what you want just because you want to get married.

    I think may be you will want to find a conservative guy may be a christian or something.. if you are in the states.. ?

    I would love to say that older guys want marriage but I am not sure any more.. I think it has to do with character.. I have always wanted to marry and only marry ... I have always wanted that since I was 16 .. wasn't interested in playing the feild.

    I hear some men enjoy being single into their 40s.. I just don't see how can this be enjoyable even if they have sex witha different girl every day .

    You just need to find the ''right'' guy with the right mindset.

    hope I helped ! I am suer you will land a great guy soon !

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  • Just from my perspective but if I knew a girl was looking for marriage like you are, I'd feel a little odd about the fact that she pictures a wedding and not a person.

    From your post here, it seems that you just want this milestone to be completed and the person is secondary to this. Obviously I don't think you'd marry someone you didn't like, but it seems like nothing but desperation to want such a blind marriage like you're wishing for.

    This could also set you up to being long term with someone who "will do", just because you feel some silly time crunch or time window.

    Why do you feel you HAVE to be married by 30 anyway?

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  • I think you'll meet the right person when it's absolutely meant for it to happen. Putting a time limit or "window" on marriage is going to make you really nervous/sad/angry/depressed. Focus on you and focus on other things.

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  • its getting there. by 26-27 if a female doesn't have a mate its going to be really hard to find one

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  • Ha. oh hah ha ha ha ha snkkkkkkkkkkkrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttttt.

    No. It's not to old. wow. Paranoid much? I hope you don't get any ulcers or back pain in life worrying like you do

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  • not at all

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  • Don't let society make you feel rushed. 23 is still quite young, and love isn't something you can rush. Besides, there is no reason to rush, even for children, because these days there are fertility treatments to extend the age at which you can have children. I'm 32, and I haven't even had a serious girlfriend yet! I feel even more pressure than you do, as most of my peers are married with children well on their way to being teenagers, yet I know that rushing into marriage just to "catch up" with everyone else would be disastrous. Live your life and stop worrying so much. You're most likely to run into your future husband when you're enjoying yourself, anyway. :) Being happy and confident are major turn-ons in both sexes, and when you stop focusing on being single, you'll notice that you will naturally be calmer, happier and more confident in yourself. I wish you the best! :)

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    • mmmmm the fertility treatment thing isn't exactly true, they don't help a lot of women and a lot of women are actually out of eggs by the time they are thirty. there is a reason society pushed women into early marriage, because they can't have late marriage...for the most part

What Girls Said 7

  • First of all, don't put a time limit on yourself. That is a sure way to be upset and force yourself into something that is ultimately a bad idea. It's nice to have a plan, but it's not definite.

    No, 22 is not too old. You have seven years (if you're close to 23) before you have to be married. I think that's enough time, personally. But remember, you don't HAVE to get married, either. You need to be content being single before you can get married. Confront your fears and come to terms with them.

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  • You are a gallon of milk. You have no expiration for shelf life. Do not create unnecessary pressure for yourself

    You may or may not get married/have kids. Either-way, know that you will be fine

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  • You are being paranoid. You are still really young and if you want to be married by 30 you still have plenty of time. You could meet the man of your dreams tomorrow and get married within the year. Don't worry about it. You will get married when you meet the right person.

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  • its never too late so don't worry and even if you date a guy you don't have to date him for years to marry him. my mother started dating a guy in November and married him on new years eve that year and they have been together for 16 years and still going great so don't worry :)

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    • using exceptions to the rule is never a good idea. that's a good way to fail at everything

  • OMG you're like so young. I wouldn't worry about it. I'll be 30 in 3 weeks and yet I'm not even married. Mostly because I don't have a steady job with benefits. But I've got a boyfriend. So I'm OK with not being married till I get a steady job. Even if it takes me another 10 years.

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  • just chill go drink w your girlfriends

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  • 23 is he beginning age of adult life from sociology class.

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