Do you think there should be polygamist marriage?

So more than two people can get married to each other. Each person involved agreed to that marriage and new people coming in

  • Yes
    15% (9)27% (11)20% (20)Vote
  • No
    59% (36)59% (24)59% (60)Vote
  • Sort of
    8% (5)10% (4)9% (9)Vote
  • Other
    5% (3)0% (0)3% (3)Vote
  • See results
    13% (8)4% (2)9% (10)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
most people who commented don't mind it, but the majority are still against it

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think that's a very good idea. If anything I'd say there would have to be an equal number of men and women in each marriage.

    If polygamy was socially acceptable, what would most likley happen is that are some relationships with one woman and several men but the vast majority of marriage would be one men several women. if you ask a lot more women would consider sharing a partner then men. Men don't share and evolutionary that makes a lot of sense. Women on the other do also care a good bit about income/securtiy...

    I suppose for women that would mean more choice. The most sucessfull and attractive men will likley be able to attract more than one woman. So women can choose if they want to be with one of them and share or with someone less sucessfull and attractive and have him for yourself.

    For men on average it would mean less choice. In fact a big number of men would be left out with no possiblity of ever finding a wife.

    History has shown that's a gurantee for war,violence,poverty and ineffciency.

    Not mention children tend to suffer in polygamous relationships.

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    • OK with you, in general, except the idea that children tend to suffer from it.

What Girls Said 21

  • I voted no. I feel marriage is between two people who love each other so much, that they wanna spend the rest of their life with the other one. It's a commitment, like you show the world the person you marry is the only one for you. That loses all its meaning when you can marry multiple people.

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    • I don't think you understand what marriage actually is, I can pick up a hooker I just met and drive to Vegas to get married straight away, there's no love in that but it's still legal

      why not allow multiple people to engage in that if they wanted, also who are you to say what love is

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    • so you have no actual reasons for it to be illegal,

      you just want it to be

    • QA What people like IS relevant. This is our society, we have constructed its rules. It is agreed upon by the majority of people. It is only fair to change it when the majority of people wish that change (this is the meaning of democracy). So it is exactly the likes & wishes of the population that are relevant.

  • I see no negative to it, polygamist marriages have there perks and that is why they exist, more people to help around the house or out making money raising children is easier because there are more people to help lend a hand, you could have one or two taking care of the kids someone cooking someone else doing the cleaning and more out making money, it's efficient. besides that in many polygamist societies older individual have more people around them to help them in their old age. some where when a husband dies his brothers or close male kin marry his wives to ensure that they are taken care of and the older men and the partners they have had longer also have the younger wives or husbands to help care for them. It has worked in many societies for thousands of years so there is no reason for it not to be permitted. however it should be kept to those who were raised in those sorts of societies as those who are not would not know how to go about it in the proper way, people would become jealous and some members neglected and hated by each other. the legality isn't hard to work out, they figured it out and kept it all clean in a much less developed world.

    all this in mind, I am OK with it, however, I would not be able to be in one, as with one of my last points I would be a wife who would go in to fits of raging jealousy, or would favor a husband is I had multiple.

    And to those who pull the "my religion does not believe in it, well what if theirs doesn't believe in monogamy, you can't say it isn't marriage just because it isn't your religion, you have to remember there are hundreds of religions each with their own code of what is right and wrong and sometimes things just fall it the social gray area, there is nothing primarily wrong with it, it isn't hurting people or the society. there for they are not doing any damage to others

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  • Yes I think people should be able to live how they want. I personally couldn't live like that but I don't see anything wrong with someone doing what they want in THEIR life.

    I think like any group of individuals you can label, there are individuals who make them look bad.

    Polygamy itself isn't bad in my opinion, just not for everyone.

    That TV show Sister Wives was really interesting to me because I got a better understanding of the lifestyle and not just my stereotypical assumptions. They seem like a really happy and wonderful family. If it works for them why does it matter to everyone else(:

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  • Yup sure, just make sure that EVERYONE IS CONSENTING and it's all good.

    The problem with most polygamist marriages is that they are *forcing* 17 year old girls to marry 50 year old men which is just stupid. No.

    Just like regular marriage if someone isn't happy then it shouldn't be happening.

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  • I think people can do what people what to do, while they respect all other people that are directly influenced by their choices/ actions...

    Imagine, if I love a man and he wants to be with me and other woman, and does not what to be with me only, I'd be extremely sad. And annoyed, if I disliked the other girl XD

    It'd make me start to think "what does she have that I lack?", or "what do I not have to keep him satisfied with my personality/ body?" and I couldn't be with him without thinking "you're with me thinking of the other girl you like?" "you touch us the same way...?" and other almost paranoid things.

    So, I couldn't be with someone who was with other person at the same time. If he wanted to marry me and her, I'd say no, because he was indirectly disrespecting my desire to be in a relationship with him only. I'd not marry him and I'd end the relationship.

    And I also don't agree if a man/woman marries two or more /men/women without one knowing about the others. That's just wrong!

    But, if a girl/guy would be fine with being with a girl/guy who was with other person at the same time... and they wanted to marry, sure thing! Why not, if they were happy?

    Personally, I'm way to insecure to be in a three-people-relationship (when I say 3, I also say 4, or 5, or 100 people relationships!). But for those who are not, why couldn't they get married?

    It's the same thing about gay people- as long as they're happy, what the hell do other people have to do with them?! It's their lives, it's their marriage, it's their decisions, it's their love. It does not affect other people directly, so why do people care?

    And don't even mix marriage and religion, please. Those two words are not glued together, or atheists could not marry, and religious people could not marry outside churches... Blablablah...!

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    • "because he was DIRECTLY disrespecting..."

      Tsh, that changes then entire meaning of the sentence XD

  • My opinion on it is very much 50/50 and not for religious reasons. I personally believe that true love comes between two people, that can be a heterosexual or homosexual relationship.

    But I wouldn't stop a polygamist relationship, say between three people for example, because it is their right to be happy as long as they aren't harming anyone. Although from a point of view that accepts polygamy, I don't see why three or more people would want to get married, but that's just me.

    Things are hard enough splitting the house and money when a couple separates or one person dies so how will it all work when there are three adults wanting their share and also a bunch of children too? I think every case should be taken as an individual, but like I said before, I won't stop a couple or trio or whatever from being happy as long as they're consenting.

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  • I'm not sure. I feel that non-monogamy should be accepted so that non-monogamous people don't feel pressure to enter traditional marriage and cheat (like many do), but at the same time it would be bad if legalization of polygamous marriage led to pressure on monogamous people to enter these relationships. Not saying it would, just something to think about, because naturally monogamous people are already trashed a lot in our culture as is. That being said, I wouldn't stop anyone from having a polyamorous relationship as long as I don't have to be involved!

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  • No, because it's messy legally. Will all parties involved be married to each other or will one person be married to the others and they are just married to the one person? What if two people want to divorce and both want to remain married to the third/rest? What if one person leaves entirely? How will alimony or child support work? Would all the people in the marriage be listed as parents to any children? Lots of new marriage laws would have to be written. It's also very likely that people would manipulate the system for taxation purposes.

    People can do whatever they want in the bedroom with whomever and as many people as they like but when legality comes into play things get much more complicated.

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  • I personlly wouldn't be able to be a sister wife nor would I be OK with sharing my husband . with that being said I wouldn't have a problem with what other peolple choose for their own lifes and as long as everyone involved is happy then who am I to judge.

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  • No I don't think it would be a good idea, so I voted B.

    I'm not against it because it's "untraditional" or "it's not real love" or anything like that, if all those people want to share each other that's their business.

    The reason why I think marriage should be left out of that relationship mostly comes down to legal benefits and logistics. I think the system would get abused in terms of tax benefits, health insurance provided by business, and welfare/other means of financial support systems. We already have too much freeloading in the US and with hard economic times I think something like this would drag us down worse with people having faulty marriages to gain these benefits they can't currently get.

    Interesting question though

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    • it's not illegal to freeload, you can get married and have children just for the benefits

      they're going to have more people to care for so shouldn't they be entitled to more money

    • I'm with you on this, May04. It wouldn't make sense with health benefits. What if five people are in the marriage and one of them has a job with health benefits? Is that person's employer supposed to pay for all of that person's spouses and kids? I doubt an employer would be willing to hire someone in a polygamist relationship for that reason. Then there would be messy discrimination lawsuits.

  • No way! Marriage is a religious idea and humans have turned it into a joke. It's sad and no wonder divorce rates are so high... we are ruining society in my opinion with all these sinful acts.

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    • it's not a religious idea, it existed before Judaism

      Atheists can get married so religion is irrelevant

    • Then explain the Old Testament to me.

  • No I don't believe in polygamy

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    • why not?

      what you believe and what you think the law should be are two very different questions

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    • marriage in terms of the law is not religious

      as various different religions and also atheists can get married

      Is it allowed in Judaism for a Jew to marry a Hindu?

      No it is not, but it's still legal for them to be married

    • I'm well aware of this.

  • normally in polygamy men can only marry multiple women (in reality he is only truly married to one and the others he isnt). If they could make it equal where the women could then I'm for it. I don't like marriage in general

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  • My boyfriend's mom is married to a guy that has 6 other wives. But my boyfriend's mom lives here in America while the guy lives in Saudi Arabia with his other wives.

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  • no

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  • Polygamy doesn't have a solid foundation and it's not meant to last, one way or the other one of the group's component will be left out, feel disappointed and eventually leave. We like to complicate our existence but we won't follow the complicated stuff till the end and return eventually to simplicity.

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  • I only want to be in a relationship with one person... just the two of us :-)

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  • Sure I don't see why not. As long as each individual is okay with it and I think if done there should be a max. for example: one 50 year old rich man with 50 18 year old wives doesn't sound right. I think it would make a lot of sense for bi people too. A man married to two bi women who love each other and the man. Makes everyone happy!

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  • well marriage is between a man and a women, not a man and several women... Maybe they could have their own thing like unions.

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    • the whole point is whether they should be allowed

      not what the law is now

      marriage was polygamous in various countries and time periods all the way back to the Old Testament

      so there's no universally agreed upon definition(and that doesn't mean it's shouldn't be open to change)

      it's like in the past saying women can't vote because that's only for men

    • QA Understand this... western society has been very fluid and has a very proud history of granting new rights to people. We are not mired in archaic history like some cultures. However - we change in ways that we think are beneficial to our society. It is not change for changes sake. Every change is considered on its merits. If we think polygamous marriage is beneficial we will change the laws, if not we won't. Same as all the other laws we changed. You need to make a case for WHY.

  • Sure. I wouldn't be interested but if other people are then they should be able to.

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  • Hell no. That's usually people that aren't in love anyway. So no.

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    • people don't have to be in love to get married, think of how many weddings happen in Vegas that end soon after

      you don't have to like it, but to allow to do others if they want it

    • Well, marriage should be about love. Just saying.

    • but it's not, there's no requirement for love that makes it illegal otherwise

What Guys Said 18

  • I know no one is going to agree with me on this issue, but I will still have my feelings on this regardless. But In an essence, we already have polygamist marriages as a some what common practice.

    This view can differ between everybody, but a marriage is defined a union between two people under the eyes of GOD. Not a contractual agreement between two people as if you contracted with a bank to buy a home. But that is what marriage is treated like today.

    But more importantly, when you exchange your vows with the other person, you agree "until death do you part". But there are a lot of couples today who don't want to deal with the common struggles a marriage can have, and get a thing called a divorce. That does cancel your legal agreement in the eyes of law, but under the union under the eyes of GOD, it does not because the two people are still alive. So this breaks the promise they made on wedding day. Some people stay single for the rest of their lives, and some get re-married. Now, since the union under the eyes of GOD was not broken, because the two are still alive, this fits the definition of polygamy. But we as a people put more credit to the legality of marriage more than the religious or even keep the promises we make when we get married. So my answer would be NO, it should not be allowed, but neither should divorce be either and especially re-marriage after divorce.

    But all in all, the answer to this question will differ between everybody, religious or not and even depending on what religion and even depending on what Christian denomination you are.

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    • marriage existed before Judaism, and then even in Judaism prophets like David and Solomon had multiple wives

      it's 'legal' for jews to marry non-jews, atheists can get married

      religion is irrelevant, why are religious people so ignorant of it

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    • And what tells me God does not favor non believers? I read the Bible.

      1 Corinthians 7:13-14 says a non believer is not holy, the unbeliever is made hold by his believing wife.

      2 John 1:9-11, John 3:16 2 Corinthians 4:4 is especially you. John 9:30-33, Psalm 14:1

      James 4:7-10. These are some, there is a ton of verses on this subject.

    • I don't believe in a lot of things, that doesn't mean I think it doesn't exist

      I don't believe alien abductions are real, but do I know that as a fact?

      No I don't

      If you understood the meaning of words it wouldn't confuse you

      Why the Bible? you have no reason to accept that over anything else

      why couldn't half that book be right and the rest wrong?

  • Marriage is about tax benefits in return for people starting a family, because families are valuable to the government. It means people probably keep working, have children and make a life long commitment to contributing to society and each other.

    If you want to make that commitment with multiple people, great. I believe in monogamy, but some people have multiple partners, why not have those peoplenprotected and looked after by a binding document? Because some people think it's not okay? Same goes for same sex marriages. If people love each other and want to take care of each other, start families and build lives together, legally assigning each others lives and incomes to another, that would be ideal, why stop that?

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  • Actually, anyone can engage into a polygamist relationship, living together or having two or more households, living apart or in the same house. It happened 2000 years ago and it continued to happen through history. Many seem to do it. During the sixties living in 'commune' was socially more acceptable than it is now.

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  • I haven't thought about it but at first glance I don't see a problem with it as long as it works among them and isn't in some kind of cult fashion like the media makes it out to be.

    If you think about it, it's probably more "natural" than being monogamy.

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  • I'm all for letting people do what they want as long as it doesn't effect others in a negative way. That being said, I don't think it would be such a good idea. Imagine how much harder it would be for average guys to get girls if it was normal for rich and high status guys to have as many girls as they want. I;ve heard that's a problem in the Middle East and I'm sure the sexual frustration that polygamy indirectly leads to makes a lot of angry, manipulatable men.

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    • exactly. I wouldn't go so far and say sexual frustration is the main problem in the middle east but polygamy does do more damage than it's worth, for exactly the reasons he gave

      I think most people who answered here weren't thinking about the whole picutre at all. I don't think polygamy is wrong in general, if all individuals consent to it, but it's not a very viable concept for a whole society

    • Well I never did go so far and say that, but yeah I definitely agree that people aren't looking at the big picture. I think it has much larger implications since it could potentially affect everyone, unlike gay marriage which would only affect homosexuals.

  • I think that it acceptable for them to live together and do their thing but not get married. Marriage is between two people IMO.

    Our legal system & taxation codes have no way of reconciling this system and it exists way outside the realms of what the majority of western citizens want to see happen.

    If however someone came up with full explanations for how it would work with child rearing, legal rights and the pro's and con's of the effect of allowing it on society I would take another look at it . I personally feel it is wrong but if it could be shown that there is no harm in it and that it could be managed then I would reconsider it. In principle we should all be allowed to do what we like so long as it brings no harm to others or to nature.

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    • Saying what you think marriage should be is irrelevant, how is that any different to the bigoted people who thought marriage shouldn't be open to interracial or gay couples

      there is no solid definition of marriage in history(polygamy was done back in biblical times)

      and there's no reason why the definition should be set in stone

      Convicted murderers and pedophiles can have children and probably pose an even harsher threat are allowed to get married, why not allow polygamists?

    • There is a huge difference between my approach to marriage and that of bigoted people. Read my post again. I clearly state that I would reconsider it if shown more information on how it would work legally in our society and what effects (psychological and otherwise it would have). I also state my principle of people being free to do what they want (principle of no harm). I also agree that nothing should be set in stone BUT THAT SOCIETY SHOULD MAKE INFORMED CHOICES BASED ON INFORMATION.

    • The gay community have made their case convincingly as to why they believe they should be allowed to marry and I agree with them. Make your case for how society will benefit and maybe you will get a little more support if it is something you believe in. If your case is not convincing it will not get support and will remain outlawed.

  • Yes there should be without a doubt. People should be allowed to Mary whom ever they wish as long as they are at least 18 years of age and the are consenting adults. This means that people should be allowed to have multiple husbands and wives if they wish. Who is anyone to dictate to others how they should live as long as they are not harming others.

    For those religious people that have an issue read the Bible. Numerous people had multiple wives.

    If you dislike my position, consider this;

    First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.

    Then they came for the Communists and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.

    Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.

    Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

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    • The Niemoller quote: link

      BUT: link

    • I really have no idea why you used this quote here. No one is thinking about harming you in any way. I still disagree with you though

    • It is OK to disagree with me.

      I am speaking up for the rights of others. the quote helps to show that we all need to defend people's rights. How are any of us to tell others how to live, so long as they are not hurting others.

  • There already is. I personally don't know what guy or woman would want that many headaches.

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  • If ay marraigis mndated b the Constitution, then we can't possibly make polygamy illegal any longer! It's only a matter of time until someone brings a lawsuit.

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  • Legally? Yes. Morally? Sort of. Would I be interested? No.

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  • State/Government level, sure (as long as they are all consenting adults). In the churches themselves? Let them do as they please.

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  • Morally I've no problem, people should be free to do whatever they want.

    Legally however it is a minefield. Break ups can be messy enough with two people but with multiple folks...ugh. Messy.

    Also polygamy is very bad for society. Sure, lovely to say it should be allowed if everyone knows what they're getting into. But the way it tends to work in practice is older, succesful men take all the women, leaving young men with nothing. Often young men are forced out of polygamous communities even.

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  • Yes but only as a polifidelit. What is that? Well the same but is not only a guy with more than one women that are his grilfriend, women are also grilfriends between themselves, so instead of creating an octopus with a head and many arms it creates a circle. Of course for that you require eitherthat all people are gay or lesbian , or if there is an heterosexual guy the women have to be bisexual ( so they love each other and love him at the same time)

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  • Nah, there aren't enough women to go around.

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  • I don't have a problem with people's personal choice but this would wreck havoc on the benefits system. Imagine if every employer and the government had to provide benefits to multiple spouses of one employee. Unless you can solve the fiscal and legal issues surrounding it, there's no way polygamy is broadly workable in contemporary society, even if it may "work" for a small set of individuals in their personal life.

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  • Polygamy is a whim of obsessed people. Possibly you wuld consider a boy wid 2 GFs a cheater & same in case of a married man with multi-wives or extra marital relations. If you didn't consider him 2 b a cheater then you shuld know rare are d chances 4 him 2 feel 'love' that doesn't end until we die or mayb immortal. Bcoz in polygamy he is far considerd in management of equality,partiality,jealousness & d marriage to last rather than sincere-deep-self sacrificing trust. & in another aspect you shuld know polygamy insists heavy disbalance which is already seen in 3rd world countries i.e. extinction of humans! So think twice bf4 'how nic wuld b a 3 way relatn.'

    This is my opinion & not agreeable wid evry1. But xperience says a man/woman who wants polygamy are one of these -1>exuberance in wealth

    2>self centered

    3>immaturely dated

    4>what he does comes 4rm heart not mind

    5>ineligible 4 relation

    6>watches 2oo much '3some'

    Love is not about self-accomplishment it is about how much you can sacrifice 4 your love. one who wants 2 lovers simply does inadequate self-sacrifice.

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  • I find it wrong but in 20 years it will be the next big fight.

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  • Personally, I do.

    I've known couples who were great friends of mine, and who's kids I adored, and I would have signed up to a poly with them easily. I don't think I have time for a full time marriage in my life, what with the amount of work related travelling I do. Being able to come back here though, knowing my poly-marriage had continued in stability without me, would be an interesting new experience.

    I don't think human society is ready for such a concept to hit the mainstream though, so it'll probably never happen in my life. Shame really.

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