How to deal with other people's engagements

I've been having a really hard time lately. I'm pretty much the last of my friends and family to get married. And the few that are left are getting engaged and their weddings are coming up very soon.

I'm 28 and have been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years and he still hasn't proposed. His younger sister just got engaged a couple weeks ago and it made me really angry. I'm not happy for her at all. I feel like it should be MY time to get married.

How can I start to feel better about this? It's starting to really affect my relationship because I have been piking fights with my boyfriend ever since his sister got engaged. And he just keeps saying "we are going to take that next step in our relationship" But I've been hearing that for months now and still no change!


0|0
5|3

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that 2.5 years is sufficient to know whether or not someone is marriage material and if the feelings are right, so that goes for both you and your boyfriend. I wonder if it's that your boyfriend doesn't feel that you are "the one" or if it's that he does not feel ready for marriage with anyone, period? And how do you feel? Are you seriously ready for marriage and do you honestly feel he is the life partner for you? Decide how you feel first, then I would proceed to ask him both questions and ask him to be completely honest with you given it's not an option for you to waste your time. Because you honestly have to know WHY he's stalling in order to move forward, especially if you want kids, because women do not have forever.

    If you decide that you sincerely want to marry your boyfriend and only him and he insists that you are the one and he just isn't ready for marriage, you will just have to be patient. You can't pressure him into marriage and if you try it won't work. It does sound like he is interested in marrying you in stating "we are going to take that next step." I think eventually it may come to an ultimatum, not as a threat, but just to let him know that you will have to move on at a certain point because you want that level of commitment from someone, so you have to decide for yourself when that will be.

    Just know that a lot of people out there are single and feel as you do. And of your friends who are married, half of them will be divorced at some point. So there.

    1|0
    0|0
    • He says that I am the one he wants to marry. And I truly believe that. But for 26 he lacks a lot of life experience and I don't know that he will put forth the work to take the next step. He seems to beleive that things will just happen. he is still living at home. We started looking for places to move to together and then I found out that he couldn't afford as much as me for living expenses which was a shock because he makes more money than I do and he lives at home with no living expenses.

    • Show All
    • But he should be actively trying to improve his finances if that's what is holding him back and he is not. He realizes that he needs to have more income but he doesn't take any steps to improve that. So it makes me feel like nothing is ever going to change. I feel old and very alone:(

    • Yeah, I agree that he should be trying. You should talk with him and let him know what's on your mind because the situation is making you unhappy. First find out why he's holding back and then ask him why he's not putting forth the effort. I'd say that if he's not making sufficient progress by a certain point, then you should seriously consider cutting your ties. Determine when that will be and stick to it. I know you love him but life's too short to wait for something that may not happen.

What Guys Said 3

  • Entering into an engagement requires commitment, and it can be a turning point in everyone's life. Give him time to think it all over.

    As for now, enjoy your life to the fullest and your engagement will follow.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Whatever you do, don't do Ultimatums. They never end well, but you want him to know where you are coming from in a easygoing way.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Be thankful for what you have. Many girls don't even have a boyfriend at your age.

    Ultimately, you can't force him to marry you. So, you have to put up with it or leave him. But to me it sounds like you want the status of marriage more than anything else. That to me does not sound like a healthy basis for a marriage.

    A marriage isn't something that a guy is going to give to a girl easily. You really have to prove yourself as being wife material. You probably think that sounds one-sided, and I'd agree. The reason is that men and women are different: different emotions, different ways of thinking, different priorities. Women simply prioritize marriage more than men do. So, women have to try harder. Similarly, young men prioritize sex more than young women: so young men have to try harder to get sex than young women would. That's just the way life is.

    0|0
    1|0
    • I can see where it sounds like I'm just concerned with the mrriage title. That's not the case. I'm just starting to get afraid that my relationship is not going anywhere. Everyone else is getting married or on their first or second kid by now. And we don't even live together! I feel too old to wait to take the next step. I'd even settle for just living together and not getting engaged right now. I thought seeing his younger sister get engaged would make him more motivated to grow up.

    • Show All
    • If we were living together I would feel much better. He still lives at home an the topic of moving in together came up several times before he agreed to start looking for places because my current apartment is too small for 2 people. We started looking and then I found out that he can't aford as much in living expenses which I felt blind sided by because he makes more money than I do and he has been living at home with no living expenses. But his outgoing bills are a lot. :(

    • Well, OK, now I have even more sympathy for your position. I left my parents' home at 18, and I'd never want to live with them again. I'm guessing he's around your age. It's definitely time for him to move out. Why are his outgoing bills high? If you look around, I'm sure you'll find a reasonably nice place that you can both afford. I still don't think pressuring him to marry is a good idea. But wanting him to move out of his parents' place is fair enough. A couple needs privacy.

What Girls Said 4

  • Think of it this way, you may be the last to get married but you will also be the last to get divorced.

    1|0
    0|0
  • propose to him if you're that anxious. you don't wanna put pressure on him. like do you really wanna marry someone who isn't even ready and don't wanna be doin it?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well that's the problem! How much longer do I wait? I'm already 28 I don't want to wait forever for him to be 'ready' It's been 2.5 years so if it's not happening yet I don't want to wait another 2.5 years for nothing! I am not proposing to him. I want a nice proposal and I want him to WANT to marry me.

    • Show All
    • I would agree, 2 years is not horribly long. But when you are 28 and you still aren't engaged and you still don't live with your boyfriend, 2 years seems more like 10 years!

    • oh you guys should move in together to prepare for an engagment

  • Don't feel bad. I'm 19 and all my friends are engaged. How do you think that makes me feel?

    0|0
    0|0
    • I wish I was 19 again! Trust me you have plenty of time to find someone and settle down. You will change so much in your early to mid 20s that I think it's best to wait until you are older to get married. Enjoy the time you have and don't feel rushed and don't settle for a guy becuae you want to catch up to your friends. Wait for the right one.

  • uh...i felt bad for a second, until you said you had a boyfriend. try seeing all your friends engaged when you are 100% single, then complain to me.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm sorry. I realize I'm lucky to have a boyfriend, I just thought it would be more than that by now.

    • well then I think it's time to have a serious talk with him in a not-naggy way and be strong enough to walk away if it's not good news, so you don't waste more time.

Loading...