Marriage came up and he quickly said "I'm not marrying you"?

And he said it with enthusiasm in a way...

Did he mean ever? I totally understand he wouldn't want to now; he doesn't even know me that well yet!

But, I was kinda weirded out that he didn't just say, "It's too early for marriage" or something.

I was NOT the one who brought up marriage and I NEVER suggested we get married. If he had said it, then it likely would have bothered me. I don't know if I'll ever want to marry...

Also, he said he never saw and girl and "knew" he'd be with her...

Is this bad?

  • Maybe he's just not that into you
    29% (5)30% (6)30% (11)Vote
  • He was just being a guy and thinking of right now
    47% (8)25% (5)35% (13)Vote
  • It doesn't mean anything - you are over analyzing it
    24% (4)45% (9)35% (13)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • In your defense, that was a bit rude of him to say so bluntly.

    If you say he doesn't know you that well yet, why would you consider marriage so early? Let the relationship grow so that it gives both of you a damn good reason to get hitched (or just move on).

    Marriage is no joke, it's eternal devotion to a soul mate that you know so intimately. It is nothing like Romeo and Juliet.

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    • Back in high school I spent a whole class arguing with a boy telling him that Romeo and Juliet simply experienced infatuation and not love. I know marriage is serious.

      You are right.

      Thanks

What Guys Said 14

  • When I think on the idea of marriage, I realize it cannot simply be about what I want. Or what she wants. It has to be bigger. It has to be about something not inherently connected to either that must then require myself and her to be married to make it happen. Something that will matter for years down the road, when our current ambitions and concerns no longer matter.

    Such marriages end up being the most fulfilling, paradoxically. And have a much higher rate of success than the "you make me feel gushy inside" marriages that most of today's weddings are about. Facts don't change easily. Feelings do. Facts are also harder to manipulate than feelings.

    Then again, pontificating on this openly scares away a lot of girls, who are simply not at that level. There is a big push to have been married at least once before you're 30, or "it's too late." Too late for what? As I approach 30, I cannot help but ask what it's too late for.

    "Having kids gets harder!" Even though I might desire them, it doesn't mean I was called to have them. "Getting married at all gets harder!" How do I know for sure I was sent into this world to get married right away? And if I weren't, then why is it society's business to say it knows better than God? I know what I want, but I realize that what must happen must be bigger than simply serving my own desire.

    As for this man of yours...both of you are still considerably young, and a lot could happen. Or maybe nothing at all will happen. As the old saying goes: "Man plans. God laughs."

    If he is that forward that he doesn't consider you marriage material, then he is nowhere near at the level of thought needed to make a marriage work. So even if he was trying to be rude, greater forces at work used what he intended for rudeness to be worked in your favor.

    I cannot promise that someone better will come along. But that whatever your fate may be, depending on how your choices bend the strings in the web of fate, there is a high possibility that the result will be more desirable than a life with him.

    It's better to wither away, languishing in loneliness - where you can at least still bury yourself in your work and take pride in your achievements, than to be tied down to a poorly-chosen partner, who will only give you endless grief. (Proverbs 21:19)

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  • It sounds like he's been expecting you to raise the Marriage' issue, and he was ready with his response!

    Probably others have brought it up with him in the past, and he sure can't be accused of leading you on, can he? He wanted to stop any discussion on that issue, pronto!

    It's pretty clear that, like you, he's not even contemplating marriage in the foreseeable future. He's just more vocal about it than you are! Just in case you had any ideas.he prefers to get that out of the way up front.

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  • Good reaction - YOURS, not his

    Not worth pursuing, spend much more time with others from now on - he just showed you his true feelings.

    Sure things can change, but why even think down the road that far with this guy? If he comes along later, make him work for it.

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  • You wrote in your options below.. '' he was just being a Guy and thinking of the right now'' That's not true for guys!

    I think this is bad specially if he said it with enthusiasm

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  • he's just not a mushy romantic type. he doesn't believe in 'love at first sight' or 'knowing that you will marry this woman'. that's all he meant.

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  • It sounds like he's just being sarcastic, and is making fun of you.

    Don't over analyze things.

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  • I voted "C" just to see the answers, but I really wanted to vote for "all the above".

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  • Wow...this is very bad...this is something you MUST bring up with HIM

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  • You should ask him and be confronting when it comes to such things it's your future and you need to plan the best for you , and if he can't marry you , you should leave him to find someone who wants to settle down and have a family with you.

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  • How long have you two been together?

    If it hasn't been that long, why is marraige on your mind?

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  • Sounds like B

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  • Either he is not ready for marriage right now and does not want to feel pressured into it. Or he has a problem with marriage in general. I know lots of men and women that believe the fastest way to destroy a good relationship is marriage. So that is another possibility. It has nothing to do with you.

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  • lol, he sounds like robin scherbatsky from HIMYM

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  • Not bad. You are both young and eventually will forget each other

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    • Wait...r you saying he is serious? We're not that young...

    • How old? Yea that young. He is cereal

What Girls Said 8

  • What the...? How did he say it? "I'm not marrying YOU!" or "I'm not MARRYING you!" ? Or "I'm NOT marrying you!" ?

    It could make a big difference, as the second statement would sound like you were talking about something and he randomly brought that up, as a way for him to say, "[topic] isn't that serious, it's not like I'm marrying you." But even then that's a stretch. If you want marriage in your future, I would say that's not a good sign. Have you talked to him about it? Asked what he meant by that? I think it's fair to let him know what you would like.

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  • This happened to me once also. We were just talking casually, when my ex-boyfriend said, "I'm not going to marry YOU." Maybe the emphasis was mine, maybe it was his. Regardless, he broke up with me a few months later. It was for the best, as there were a lot of areas in life where we diverged in values. He wanted to have kids, I don't. He's Christian, I'm Jewish. He wanted a housewife and I am a career woman who makes more money than he does. I knew I wanted marriage for myself. We were a terrible match.

    I have gone back to this moment quite a few times. If I had just decided then that we were not both trying to move towards the same goal and cut my losses, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. If I could do it over, I would have ended it then.

    Now that you've heard my version, my advice is to think seriously about what your big values are, and what you want in life. Are you and he on the same page? Do you want to be married? Would you be content in an otherwise happy relationship without marriage? These things might not seem important now, but it is wise to think about planning for the rest of your life.

    Your 20s will be over before you know it, and all those dudes that you are planning to get around to dating someday will be married to other people if you let yourself get sucked into a 6-year relationship with someone you know isn't the one for the Long Haul with you. Think about what you want from life, and set yourself up to succeed.

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  • I think it's not that he is not into you it may just be that he never wants to get married in general. For me that'd be a deal breaker but if you're fine with it, I wouldn't say its a bad thing

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  • He doesn't see you as wife material. Obviously this is a bad thing.

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  • human mind changes as time goes by. today he may say he is not ready but in the near future he may change his mind. there are people after going through certain experiences and decided to settle down. but it is kinda of weird for him to say that out of the blue..i will get startled by such behavior

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  • it depends on the context...

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  • He sounds like he's using you. You should break up.

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  • I think that was very rude way of him to act. How early is it in the relationship? Perhaps he is one of those guys who doesn't want to ever marry anyone. I think this is a very bad sign.

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