I've never been the type of person to even consider moving in with a guy before getting married, but now that I've met the guy I plan on marrying, it only seems right. We have been together for 9 months and will be engaged before living together. We are both moving to a new town at the same time and it only seems smart money wise to live together. And if we are engaged, why not?
Well my question is this: for those of you who lived together prior to marriage, did you regret it? Did it hurt or help your relationship? Any advice? I just know that living together is just that one exciting thing to look forward to after marriage and if we already live together, not much will change.
- Living together was a good thing for us58% (14)56% (9)58% (23)Vote
- Living together was a bad thing for us17% (4)0% (0)10% (4)Vote
- Living together neither hurt nor helped us12% (3)19% (3)15% (6)Vote
- Living together took the excitement out of marriage13% (3)25% (4)17% (7)Vote
Most Helpful Girl
I think the statistics cited are skewed. Most people who don't live together before marriage are religious. Marriage, for religious institutions, is a religious rite. People who are religious are much less likely to get divorced. Just saying that living together before marriage by itself leads to a greater likelihood of failure is ignoring a whole bunch of other data.
That aside, I don't think it has to be one way or another. I know happily married couples who didn't live together until after the wedding, and happily married couples who shocked up for a decade beforehand. Either way, it comes down to a combination of your compatibility and your commitment to the relationship.
Some things to keep in mind, though:
1. Living together before being legally bound to him means fewer surprises after you walk down the aisle.
2. Living together is HARD. for everyone. Be prepared for about six months of hell as you both adjust. It gets much, much easier after the first six months. There will be some really huge fights.
3. Living together will change your relationship. For the better in some ways: you'll get the chance to be much more intimate (not just sexy) the with each other, and get to know each other on a deeper level. OTOH, you'll also get the chance to drive each other insane without a legal contract binding you to one another. There will be sleep farts and probably some arguments about video games and dishes.
4. Living together will cause you both to take each other for granted. Surprise date night becomes "hey babe, let's make chili and watch The Universe until we both fall asleep with our contacts in."
It's a big change. There are a lot of perks that come with dating someone who doesn't live in your house. Think seriously about whether you are ready to transition into that level of familiarity with him. You start to really share a life with one another, but a lot of things about your relationship will change with it.2