Question for couples who lived together before marriage

I've never been the type of person to even consider moving in with a guy before getting married, but now that I've met the guy I plan on marrying, it only seems right. We have been together for 9 months and will be engaged before living together. We are both moving to a new town at the same time and it only seems smart money wise to live together. And if we are engaged, why not?

Well my question is this: for those of you who lived together prior to marriage, did you regret it? Did it hurt or help your relationship? Any advice? I just know that living together is just that one exciting thing to look forward to after marriage and if we already live together, not much will change.

  • Living together was a good thing for us
    58% (14)56% (9)58% (23)Vote
  • Living together was a bad thing for us
    17% (4)0% (0)10% (4)Vote
  • Living together neither hurt nor helped us
    12% (3)19% (3)15% (6)Vote
  • Living together took the excitement out of marriage
    13% (3)25% (4)17% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think the statistics cited are skewed. Most people who don't live together before marriage are religious. Marriage, for religious institutions, is a religious rite. People who are religious are much less likely to get divorced. Just saying that living together before marriage by itself leads to a greater likelihood of failure is ignoring a whole bunch of other data.

    That aside, I don't think it has to be one way or another. I know happily married couples who didn't live together until after the wedding, and happily married couples who shocked up for a decade beforehand. Either way, it comes down to a combination of your compatibility and your commitment to the relationship.

    Some things to keep in mind, though:

    1. Living together before being legally bound to him means fewer surprises after you walk down the aisle.

    2. Living together is HARD. for everyone. Be prepared for about six months of hell as you both adjust. It gets much, much easier after the first six months. There will be some really huge fights.

    3. Living together will change your relationship. For the better in some ways: you'll get the chance to be much more intimate (not just sexy) the with each other, and get to know each other on a deeper level. OTOH, you'll also get the chance to drive each other insane without a legal contract binding you to one another. There will be sleep farts and probably some arguments about video games and dishes.

    4. Living together will cause you both to take each other for granted. Surprise date night becomes "hey babe, let's make chili and watch The Universe until we both fall asleep with our contacts in."

    It's a big change. There are a lot of perks that come with dating someone who doesn't live in your house. Think seriously about whether you are ready to transition into that level of familiarity with him. You start to really share a life with one another, but a lot of things about your relationship will change with it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It seems that an hour has already passed and still no one answered to yours.

    I'll chip in a little.

    It's been recorded among surveys that couples who lived together before marriage tend to have a higher divorce rate than the ones who do not.

    And from the standpoint of couples who only live together after marriage, they have the most successful relationship.

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    • Those statistics are completely undependable for a good reason. Think about the type of people and their type of culture who do and do not move in together before marriage. Those that don't move in together are more likely to have traditional values, hence why there are less divorces. To them it is sometimes seen as shameful to divorce and will stick to their partner even if they are extremely unhappy with their marriage. However, the opposite is true for couples that do move in together.

    • Show All
    • Even though it's true that religious people are more likely to be the ones who move in together after marriage, I still think that it's too easy to dismiss the statistic that such couples have lower divorce rates based solely on the fact that the one reason taht explains it is their religion. I mean, as far as iI know, religious couples have the same access to divorce than any other couple and religion don't demonize divorce anymore. I think it's unfair to assume that they're more likely

    • than others to put up with an unhappy relationship just because, well, they're "religious". All kind of people, religious or not, can have such a behavior, sometimes it's out of financial security, emotional security etc..

  • Living together before marriage is always a good idea. Never rush into living together, but it is a good idea because then you get to truly know what they're like at home and see if that's right for you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think I read in my Lifespan Development textbook that people who cohabitate in the U.S. are generally less committed to each other than those who cohabitate in other countries, and there's more dissatisfaction in the U.S. when you cohabitate before marriage.

    If I ever decide to get married, I will not cohabitate first. And I will not cohabitate with someone unless I am super serious about him.

    I think that if you live together, have kids, etc. before you get married, your partner will have less incentive to pop the question because he is already getting the benefits of marriage (you doing the housework, comfort, etc.) while still being able to keep his options open (the ability to pack his backs and leave whenever rather than going through messy paperwork).

    I know that sounds really cynical, but that's what I believe. And, it's part of the reason why I don't really believe marriage is necessary (unless you have kids and want the same last names, benefits, etc.), because cohabitation is now this weird intermediate step.

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  • I feel living together before marriage plays an important role in ensuring that you can happily co-habit together before married life. Marriage will bring plenty of welcome changes to your relationship and moving in together is just another step forward towards building upon your loving relationship. Think positive!

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  • What most people fail to understand is that there are stages to a relationship and living together before marriage can have its ups and downs depending on how they approach it.

    Most couples who live togetehr before getting married and it actually ends up being a success are people who already knew before hand they were "right" for each other. They had been toegtehr for quite a few years before and so the adjustment that came with living together wasn't a huge one. Also since they had known each other for quite some time they are not surprised by their partner "hidden" traits or such.

    It gets tricky though when people move in together after few months of dating. They're still in thissort of infatuation pahse and don't know much about the ther person so they are more liekly to get unpleasant surprise.

    Also one big disappointment that comes with living toegther for women is that very often they expect marriage, while the guy is satisfied with the situation as it is.

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