So, I'm a pretty old fashioned, but I like it that way. I believe man is head of household and that I am to "obey" him. Now, I don't mean our marriage is run like in the olden days. He does not order me around, and we make all our decisions together. I just believe he is the ultimate bread winner, and that in the end he makes the final decision. Fortunately for us, we always agree on all big decisions. We have the same goals in life, same taste in life, and so on. We hardly differ, and hardly disagree when it comes to decision time. He respects my opinions, and we discuss things before he makes a final decision. I am also very submissive and he is very dominant. I love the fact that he is in charge. It makes me feel loved and that he has a strong desire to care for me and do what's best for our family. And let me tell you, I am still a strong, independent woman. If you were to ask him, he'd tell you I'm the most stubborn woman on this planet haha. When we disagree, I stand very firm and it's hard to budge me. But like I said, we never disagree on the big decisions. Anyways, I was told by another woman that I'm degrading myself, and I'm a shame to women's suffrage. In my beliefs, the woman is to obey the man. I'm a Christian, and in the Bible God tells women to submit to their husband's as the church does to Christ. I don't see how it's degrading since I still do what I want. But if it came down to it, and he really though a decision we disagreed on was best for us and our family, then yes, I would do it for him. It's what I believe, and it's what makes our marriage work. My question is, what do you other ladies think and do you really think I'm degrading myself? My husband is in the Army, and is currently deployed and when home, goes into the field a lot. There is no way I could possibly be weak and dependent in this lifestyle. And guys, is this too outdated and would you expect a girl to be more feminist about this issue?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think it is degrading. A marriage is about compromise and about doing things for your spouse and your spouse doing things for you. If you feel happy in your relationship and you and your husband get along well and you rarely differ on anything of importance the argument seems mostly academic or dogmatic.

    I guess technically my church doctrine is the same, and technically my wife agrees with the principle, but in practice things are a whole lot different in my house. We are both oldest children, intelligent, and stubborn. Fortunately we figured out how to disagree agreeably in our first year of marriage. I would not describe my wife as submissive, but I would describe her as helpful and supportive. Sometimes when we disagree she gets her way, and sometimes I get my way, but ultimately it is a decision we make together and we try to work on it until we find something we can both agree on.

    Marriage and relationships are supposed to be about happiness. There is no room to take inflexible symbolic stances on issues of ideology. It is no longer about being right if that comes at the expense of being right together and being happy. There is no room to make sure you get your way and your spouse knows you do things your way when you want. No, when you get married you cease to be 1 + 1, two separate but equal individuals, and you become just 1, one family trying to do things the best possible for everyone in the family. Yeah, that requires sacrifice from time to time, and we have to become a whole lot less selfish, but if the partnership is truly equal, everybody makes sacrifices for the benefit of the other and it's not just a one-sided thing.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I don't think you're "degrading yourself" by any means. You're exercising a proper, godly attitude. Men and women are equal, but have different roles - the man's role is to lead the woman in a marriage relationship, and the woman's role is to submit to him, to be his "helpmeet." That was God's plan from the beginning when He created Eve for Adam, and it's still His plan for marriage today.

    What you've described to me sounds like a good marriage the way God has designed it to be set up. It is by no means degrading.

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    • I guess you gotta know me personally to understand how I'm stubborn yet submissive. Everyone who knows me doesn't get how I can be both either, but somehow I am :)

  • I don't necessarily think you're degrading yourself per se, and if your marriage works that way and you're both loving and committed, then do your thing. I personally wouldn't be comfortable in that kind of arrangement though; not because I don't want to "lead" or anything like that, but because I view a relationship as a 50/50, equal partnership. But like I said, if you and your husband are happy and devoted to one another, in the final estimate I suppose that's what really matters.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'll be honest with you and say that you are very contradicting. It doesn't make sense to me that you are so stubborn yet you are submissive? That's like saying you are a virtuous girl that likes to sleep around. You either are or you aren't.

    Anyhow, to each their own. Personally, I see my relationship with my fiance as a a partnership. Neither one of us is better than the other. If we run across something and find ourselves on opposite ends of the fence we talk about it and compromise. We both work as well as both do the housework. This to me, is the way it should be. Our way does not work for everyone else. What matters is that you are happy with your relationship and thriving.

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  • I was a pretty smug bitch when I was younger. I knew it all - and didn't have a problem sharing what I knew with the people around me, whether they wanted to know or not.

    And looking back, I would have to say it was my own dissatisfaction with life that cause my behavior. I wanted everyone to be as unhappy as I was - because misery loves company.

    Since then, I have learned to keep my opinions to myself because it's not my job as a friend to "point out" what I perceive as flaws, it's my job to be supportive.

    But if they ask, well then I tell them, lol.

    I can't see how your views on family and how you want your household run be degrading if you don't feel degraded. That's the most important thing, how you feel about it. She's probably basing her judgments on what she sees on the surface, not taking the time to understand the true reasons behind the way your household is run.

    I think she was the one with a problem, she feels the need to "fix" other peoples lives because she can't even begin to fix her own (*gasp* pot calling kettle black here?!). In my eyes, your happiness is paramount - and if making your husband happy is what does it, nothing wrong with doing just that.

    You sound like a lovely wife, your husband is a very lucky man.

    Good luck!

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  • I can relate to you. Im pretty submissive and believe in "Fearing my man", I avoid being disrespectful to him in private and public. And we are doing well. If you are doing well, I think it is fine to be that submissive,... but rather you seem caring. :) Its good to have traditional values until the man is abusive to you.

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