Why do women hate men who are against marriage so much?

i have noticed this a lot lately, both online and in life in general.

every time I get engaged into a social conversation about marriage and I express my negative opinion about marriage women around me get upset and attack me from every angle such as calling me insane, ignorant, etc.

also, out of every chick I had spoken to in the past, only one out of 10 actually agree with me on my anti marriage philosophy. but now, the rest started to hate my guts and shook the relationship I had with them in one way or another. one of them even when as far as disappearing and never talking to me again.

even here in gag, when I answer a question or make a comment about marriage most chicks here attack me to the death.

so I just wanna know what is the problem with being against marriage, why is a guy who is against marriage viewed like a bad guy, and what exactly is so especial about a guy who looks forward to marriage?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because they're waking the other men up and taking away most women's source of livelihood. If "ALL" men wake up and snap out of it and there are no longer "ANY" men who would even consider getting married, then all women would have to actually study something substantial in school, actually get a respectable job that earns more than $50,000, and would have to stop depending on men for their financial future. (hears angry women gathering the choir of "I pay for my own hair products and clothes, I don't need a man to pay for anything, I make my own money." yeah, how are you going to finance your family, or retirement, or healthcare, or home, or lifestyle . . . without a man in your life? exactly). Again, not saying there aren't single moms out there that try and do a good job, or that there aren't women out there who are truly independent. But "some" women "want" to be dependent on a man. That's why you get that emotion of "anger" or "hate."

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What Girls Said 20

  • Ok I'll try to make it as clear as I can possibly imagine myself. I want to get married someday. VERY BADLY. Why? Because contrarily to the gazillion children of divorced parents, my parents have been married for close to 30 years. I have an older brother. I've lived in the suburds. I've always enjoyed the "traditional" family unit. It's something I aspire to have in the future. All my life, I've dreamt of meeting the right man, dating for a few years, then getting married, enjoying a few years to pursue my carreer, and THEN making kids and growing "old" (40-50 ish) with my children. My family hasn't been perfect. But I see it as a life goal to make myself a family. If I don't get married and have children, I wouldn't consider my life complete. Of course, I'm 20 today, so it's not something I expect to happen right away. I have a few years down the road until then.

    But the thing is this. I want to get married. I want a traditional family unit. I won't have children UNLESS I'M MARRIED. There's so way. I want my children to have as a father someone who made a life-long commitment to me. Children ARE a life-long commitment, so I ain't making any until I know for sure this guy is willing to stay by my side forever. Nowadays, a lot of guys tend to have this idea that a long-term relationship can be the same as marriage. IT. IS. NOT. I can't commit to making children if, on the back of my mind, I know that the guy I'm with could run out the door any day because he "doesn't feel like staying" anymore. To me, marriage comes with growing old together. There's absolutely nothing like CHOOSING to offer your wife the following years of your life to spend together.

    And to me, not making that commitment shows a restrain that I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable with. Of course, I only date a guy if I feel like he's marriage potential. My current boyfriend has the same family unit as mine. His parents have been married as long my mine. He has sibblings. He probably wants children later in life. So, from him, I'd expect marriage because of his background. If he's not proposing after a few years, I'll be cheated because it'll be YEARS that I've given to him to build a future when I could have been with someone else with whom I'll have a future. IMO, the family unit I'm looking for is one that's built early in the 20s. So if he's making me waste my time, I'll be very bitter that he didn't live up to my expectations.

    Of course, if I saw that he wasn't marriage potential, I wouldn't expect a proposal. But I wouldn't date him them. And I think that most women are bitter because they've experiences what I just described - dedicating years with a man in the hopes that it'll lead to a certain family unit at some point, and then being let down in the longrun. They see it as unfair, selfish and deceitful. And on top of that, if there's trust issues commitment-wise, it'll make them feel like the man takes everything from the woman but doesn't give back. And THAT's selfish.

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  • I love a man to be faithful and a friend of mine. I don't have to be married to have a happy life with someone. I am against marriage as well... But if someone instists Id do it. For me- it doesn't matter as long as he is nice to me.

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  • I'm not a big fan of marriage, myself- after having done it once, I would not do it again. I don't need a legal document to "prove" love or committment. Especially since, as it turned out for me, it's not a guarantee that love will stay. It didn't in my case. I can't imagine wanting to legally hitch my wagon to anyone again.

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  • I don't think there is anything wrong with being against marriage. Everyone has their opinion, and it's your life. If you don't want to get married, don't.

    I want to get married someday. But I know that there are people out there who don't want to get married. And I am fine with that, I don't judge them, because I know that everyone has their own life and gets to make their own choices. The choices I make are not going to be right for everyone, so who am I to judge you?

    I really don't understand why someone would hate you so much for not wanting to get married and being against marriage. That seems silly. I say to each their own.

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  • Actually I'm kind of the opposite of that. I think that marriage seems a little synonymous with jail, and, honestly, guys looking for marriage and a wife scare me...

    To me, the true test of love is staying with someone even if there's as easy a way out as saying 'I want to break up' and moving out. Also, I haven't believed in marriage since I found out that everyone can't get married to who they want even if they're in love.

    Anyway, to answer your question, guys who are against marriage are stereotyped as being the womanizing bigots that just want sex, not anything long term. Guys who want to get married seem to be more wholesome and a good family man.

    Most women want to get married from a young age, while men put it on the back burner for a while. It also seems that men lose more in divorce settlements...

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  • Well has you have observed most women want to get married, not that many men do. So a lot of women have made bad expierences with guys. Like dating one for years and then finding out he never wants to get married, that just hurts. I ask that usually pretty early and if he says he doesn't ever want to get married, that's the end of the relationship. Most women don't ask though, so they get hurt later on and that's why they don't like guys like you.

    You can't really blame them for breaking up with you, if they want something different. Where would you see this going?

    Also a lot of guys who don't want to get married state reasons like all women are gold diggers and after the divorce I don't want her to half of everything. That's just offensive and you should see why

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  • Marriage use to be a goal for men to reap the benefits they today get outside of it. Now take into consideration a modern female who has effectively proclaimed herself independent from any man and you get a disaster.

    Any relationship is based on need. Whether it's the need to have a back up, be entertained, or even be opposed and criticized. Without needing someone, you loose interest very fast.

    But here is the best part. Women need marriage even if they get sex, sex is not their goal.

    But after she gets her needs met and the fantasy turns to reality, she is just as likely to dispose of you, as you are likely to do so after a one night stand.

    Point being, you are selfish for denying her fruits of your effort (your money and offspring) while getting sex. But because she does not consider the fact that if you do marry her, you fall pray to the role reversal (she gets your money and offspring while denying sex) when she divorces you.

    Or simply put, they hate your guts for the same reason any man hates "that bitch of an ex-wife who took everything".

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    • What do you think of the examples I provided/hinted at, like Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre, Emma Goldman and Ben Reitman, Elizabeth Siddal and (although she was married to Dante, pursued many sexual relationships simaultaneously with the rest of the) Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood, or perhaps more complicated emotional examples like Helena P. Blavatsky? Are we to think these women raped, deluded, insane or just dishonest?

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    • So, instead of doubting the genuinity of these women you're instead saying they're unnatural? And you're saying asexuals are unnatural? Because they defy the primary drive? Is that what you're saying? Are you saying marriage is natural?

    • There is nothing unnatural among exceptions. To claim that is retarded. Everything that exists in nature is natural.

      If you want to use "natural" as a label for anything, you're automatically full of sh*t. So find a better way to phrase your question.

  • Because at your age, most women are at the point where they wanna settle down and get married. They probably feel like you are wasting their time.

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  • I agree with you. I'm not religious so why the heck would I feel the need to? I think it'd be extremely hypocritical for an atheist to go through a religious sacrament. Why can't people just date forever and ever? A legal agreement doesn't guarantee anything about your relationship except for the fact that its very hard and expensive to go through a divorce.

    But, on the other hand what woman doesn't want a wedding with a big princess dress, etc. we're basically raised fantasizing about our weddings and what not. All those Disney films have an impact! :p

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  • I have no idea, man .

    I hate marriage too, I'm not even a religious person, so I couldn't care less. I admit at some point maybe it will be necessary, for legal questions, but honestly, I don't give a damn about it and people hate me too for that, especially since being a woman apparently means that all you ever strive for is marriage and children, lol. I don't want any of that. and it makes me a "bad woman" as well.

    People who think you are a buy guy for simply having your own opinions are probably not much worth of attention.

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  • Uh, it's completely ridiculous that they attack you because you have your opinion about marriage. Everyone is allowed to have their own personal opinion, so are you! But I have no idea WHY they attack you though. Maybe it's because people are used to the "usual" way of life, getting together with someone, then marrying, have kids, etc... And I guess some people can't stand it when it doesn't go the usual way. Don't worry about it! :)

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    • lol, I'm not. is probably because I'm surrounded by hypocrites on a daily basis

  • I don't see a problem.

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  • It's because few women are interested in casual sex or relationships never leading towards marriage.

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  • Hey most girls are like that. I don't want to get married nor have kids. I don't think you need to prove your love on a piece of paper

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  • I just hate men who don't make it clear to the women they enter relationships with to never expect marriage from them. Other than that I don't care about men who are against marriage. I would never knowingly be in a relationship with one so they are irrelevant to me.

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    • Look, people are going to disagree with any belief you have. Why is it so hard to understand that? Just look at how many downs I've received.

  • Because it seems to come from a place of selfishness. Another way for men to get everything they want at our expense. "I want sex, but you're a slut if you sleep with anyone else." "I want a girl all to myself, but I want to be free to play the field." "I want the love and commitment of a wife but the freedom to bow out quickly and easily if I choose."

    Hypocrticial thinking essentially.

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  • Not only that. We hate men that hate kids.

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  • It's just a difference of a opinion and everyone is entitled to their own. If they're attacking your for maturely voicing your opinion, you should know that you want nothing to do with them and just accept that some people (both men and women) can get touchy on the subject depending on what role it plays in their life.

    And in many people's point of view, more traditional women seek marriage still because it is a safety net to them or it's just their ideal future relationship. And hearing you say you don't want to get married or you don't see the point in it is insulting to them because it will make them question whether or not they'll meet a man like you who they would have wanted to settle down with.

    Marriage means something different to everyone. Some people see it religiously, it's their duty to get married because it's God's wish. Others just see it as that statement that your partner wants YOU for the rest of their life.

    Personally I would like to get married one day for the latter reason, because I would see it as a commitment (not that it couldn't be broken of course), but it's just what I want. If I met a guy who didn't want to get married but was willing to settle down with me anyway, I think I could look past marriage because it wouldn't be so overwhelmingly important to me. But again, that's just me.

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  • They don't. knowing you, It's probably because you're views against marriage overlap with your intense distrust/bitterness against women

    let me give you an example:

    reasonable persons view against marriage "i view it as a pointless institution that is no longer relevant in our society and I do not need to sign a piece of paper to prove I love someone"

    what you are probably saying "marriage is an fiendish institution thought up by women, that only women want so they they can enslave men and then take all their money, because all women are ruthless gold digging commitment nazis and all men want to be single and free forever, and have to be tricked into any form of commitment.."

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    • Quote: you're views against marriage overlap with your intense distrust/bitterness against women.

      I hope it does -_-

      I've read the laws involving marriage and I understand why so many men are afraid of it. Our Time/Energy/Money is all that keeps us happy and alive. Once a woman makes it her duty to seek retribution and stripes a man of his TIme/Energy/ Money, she is actually stripping him of a portion of his life. Even thou we men don't live as long as women we still want to be respected.

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    • ^_^ I think I'm in love with you girl. You're so lovely when you get angry. If being a mysogynist psycho means equality then GOD BLESS AMERICA.

      The breast cancer thing was to add "effect" to my argument. Not to offend people. As for the girl from abroad, I love the idea of having options even if those mean traveling to find a wife. I don't have the financial means to do that yet. But once I get my career I won't feel bad marrying a 3rd world woman, who enjoys cooking and loves kids.

    • See this was gonna be my answer, but I do think looking back I may have judged Casa a little too harshly/condemned him too quickly, I dunno. His arguments about it I've seen tend to fit more in line with your former. But he does post a lot of very sexist stuff so I know what you mean ahahha. I don't know I'm just saying this for solidarity really I have nothing to add. But I agree that women have a lot more to lose in marraige than men. A la the whole 'marriage is the institution of rape' quote

  • For me its a sacred act under God, its an official this person and you become one together. you vow your love for this person and to take care of them. Its more then just being a friend and a lover its the highest devotion and gift one person can give to someone they truly love. You have your right to be against marriage as you say but I feel like when you find that somebody that you can't love enough you will understand exactly what marriage is and what marriage means.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Well let me say this - I dig, and share, your philosophy. Here's the thing - I believe passionately in love, but I am against marriage. That's not to say that I'm against marriage like hitler was against Jews because that's insane. Anyone can get married if they want, what I mean when I say I'm against marriage is that I am against being directly involved in a marriage myself.

    If some people have actually called you insane and ignorant just because you are not interested in getting married, then that's extremely rude of them and it annoys me to think that some people could be so feeble minded. It amazes me how defensive, and as a result offensive, some people can get when another person doesn't conform to an ideal that they hold in such high esteem. Reminds me very much of Jehovah's witnesses.

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  • because they realize men are waking up and not going to let ourselves be taken advantage of like the last few generations of men

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  • because they aren't looking at it from the angle of what they could lose if it were to happen in divorce.

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  • (happy) Marriage is a luxury even some rich women can't afford that's the reason why women would rather cut your throat, remove the head from your body ,and then put it on a stick close to the highway so people can see your busted face and know without a doubt that this man "butchered the marriage institution".

    ^_^ Women nowadays will literally KILL for commitment of the right kind.

    I'll tell you why? marriage is so sacred for women. The first reason, you have it above, marriage is the ultimate sign of commitment. Second resons, Marriage is the written contract where you officially end your bachelor life style, meaning your are held responsible by the law to care and protect the goods belonging in the marriage that includes keeping your wife sexually satisfied and with a reasonalble level of comfort. Third reason, Obligation by the contract to take care of the physical and mental well being of your spouse, If she gets sick you cannot bail out and find another, breast cancer she loses one or both of her breasts you must and WILL stay binded by the contract. Fourth reason, -_- What part of until death do us appart don't you understand...

    The woman you marry is the woman who will BURY YOU.

    Women live longer than men. We get to party and re-populate heaven earlier until she finds out about it and calls the devil to punish you for breaking the contract. -_- you're already dead and the contract clearly states that you are free when you die, but since in heaven your soul is technically still alive she interpreted that the contract is still VALID so, may GOD have MERCY on ALL men who Signed that contract

    AMEN!

    -_- Rest in PIECE Bro. (*Peace)

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    • In regards to "marriage is the written contract where you officially end your bachelor life style" I'd like you to have a little look at Neal Cassady, ah heh heh

  • Prolly because of the stereotype of guys being anit-marriage = guy that is commitment phobic and only sees women as sex objects and not as equals

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  • Women like to complain. It's how they cope with reality of someone else not conforming to their way of thinking. Women are fickle species lol

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  • There are a lot of good reasons to be against marriage, which people, women, will respect. For example, the traditional, anarchistic Free Love practice, which was a theory largely made for- and by women, like Mary Wollstonecraft, Victoria Woodhull, Emma Goldman, and particularly another female anarchist who I forget the name of. Also, perhaps more controversial, Polyamory - which is a little bit of an argument between me and my girlfriend; we're polyamorous, and to me it's not quite right to get married, but she wants us to be married and just dismiss and negate the enforced monogamy principle (I think this is largely to do with me being a Kierkegaardian existentialist and she's a scientific Absurdist) - a good example of that is Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir, who loved each other so much they couldn't give up f***ing their students.

    But a lot of the time it's heavily charged with sexism. And I did a lot of searching to find something incriminating that you've said on the subject (LOL), but I couldn't find anything. What you say about marraige, which is essentially that it's a fickle, material gesture that isn't necessary, and which is so lionised that it becomes almost a civic duty, and as you say, simply restricts your freedom. Which I agree with, radically - and I'd tie it, in fact, to monogamy on the whole.

    But you do have very sexist views, CasaNorba, or at least you've been socialised with very sexist views, you have to accept that - I've pointed this out to you here; link before. Now, it seems to me that you've changed a lot since then - and believe me I really really wanted to believe you just held an anti-marriage opinion because you were a misogynist. But regardless - is it possible you frame your reasoning, a little, in a way that makes out that it's the *womans* fault that marriage is so terrible? If you think there might be, that's probably the reason. While it might seem like nothing to you, women are very sensitive to 'microaggressions', slights against them, because they're exposed to it so often.

    Anyway, there is a stigma against men who don't believe in marriage (moreso with women - they're thought to be sluts, rejecting their duties as a woman as potential mothers, etc.); but with men, you're seen as being a loser, as somebody who can't take responsibility, who only wants to play and womanise. This is terrible, and to me is a media slight against the real radical motivation against marriage.

    But anti-marriage has always been, sometimes inseparably, bound up with radical left politics, the bohemian lifestyle of the mid-late 1800s, and you're gonna hate this, but more than anything else Feminism. If I were you I'd point that out, and point out all the women, good women, who were anti-marriage, and all the millions of successful relationships which were anti-marriage, which there are millions of, trust me, ahaha.

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  • That's because they want to be in a long term relationship.

    There are only few women who just want to be in a relationship just for sex/money.

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  • Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

    Most women REALLY, REALLY want to get married.

    Many men, however, are either apathetic about it or outright opposed.

    Therefore many women worry that they will never be able to get married. The stats show this to be increasingly the case.

    It's understandable that women will therefore try to shame men into becoming pro-marriage. Just ignore them. It's your life. Live it how you want to live it.

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  • I think there are different reasons for it.

    1 - Some take it, that he isn't interested in commitment, and just want to use a woman, and move on.

    2 - Some take it that the man has some sort of distrust, or hatred of women, and as a result they can be offended by it.

    3 - Some women need to be desired by a man in order to validate themselves. If a woman, can get a man to give up all other women, and marry her, it is the ultimate form of validation that her charm has power over men. If a man flat out tells her, that he will never marry, she has to come to terms that their power over men, is not as strong as she thinks it is.

    4 - Women stick together. So if they hear the three groups of women, bashing a man for not wanting to get married. Then they will join in the assault against the man.

    If you were to talk to women one on one, they are less likely to attack you, and many would even agree with you. Most women I have talked to seem to think poorly of marriage, but are worried about being judged as sluts. So they keep it to themselves.

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  • Throughout the history of humans, women have always sought commitment because they needed it if they were to successfully raise children and even survive. Today things are different but women still are genetically programmed to want commitment from a man. It's just their nature.

    Men are less likely to think they want commitment, especially when they are younger. But the truth is men get just as much out of a committed relationship (marriage) as women do, we just aren't programmed to crave it as much as women do.

    Anyway, I think the reasons for what you described are wrapped up somewhere in that.

    Men are even less likely to want marriage today than in the past for two reasons:

    1) Sex, being the primary motivator for a man is much more accessible without marriage today than it ever was in the past, and

    2) the feminization of women has made the prospect of marriage much less appealing to men. Sex with a feminist is one thing, but what man wants to be married to a one?!

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