My best friend is getting engaged. Do I have the right to be upset?

I just found out via Facebook that my best friend since kindergarten is engaged. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend! I've never met the guy!

Am I selfish in thinking that, since we're best friends, I have the right to be told? She's been dating him for three months and engaged for two weeks and I only JUST found out. On Facebook!

More than that, the wedding's scheduled on THE DAY I leave the country for a while so I can't be there for her and she won't be there for me.

This year we went to separate colleges, so of course we see less of each other but we're not so far apart I wouldn't tell her anything so important.

I'm trying to feel happy for her and supportive, but do I have the right to be angry? What do I do? I don't want to cause drama for something so special to her, but at the same time...?


1|0
7|4

Most Helpful Girl

  • I perfectly understand your reaction.If she's someone to whom you'd come, had you anything big happening to you, it might be upsetting to realize she wouldn't do the same.

    There could be various reasons for this though. Maybe she thinks it's still too early to announce it to you.Maybe she doesn't want to look like those self absorbed girl who keep talking about themselves and how wonderful their life is. Maybe she doesn't want to burden you with this. Or maybe she's just the private type of person.

    Now I don't think it's worth it to be angry at someone for this and cause drama. Next time you see her, casually congratulate her, tell her you saw this on Facebook and maybe jokingly ask her when she was planning to inform you.

    This being said, and seeing that you're 19, you'll come to realize that friendship to adults is rather different than what friendship entails when you're younger. Especially when it comes down to people's romantic and private life. People just don't tell everything they "plan" to do. They'd rather wait when things become official and announce it (whether it be a new job, a wedding or a baby). What I mean is that most people don't feel the need to have everyone (friends, good friends..) involved in the process or knowing about what they're going to do.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • Some people are different that way. A good friend of mine called. During the conversation she told me she bought a house, told me about the house & some other things. At the very end she told me she got married.

    I didn't know what to think. I was sportive but kept thinking, married? Married? that's the last thing you mention. I let it go because she is a good friend. What am I to say. WHY didn't you tell me earlier? Why wasn't I invited? What can you say? It couldn't have slipped her mind.

    Nothing much you can do. You're leaving. You can understand they picked that date for several reasons. Is it worth losing a friend over?

    In the long run you're right. One would think she would have told you the next time you talked. Most girls look at their ring everyday for a month.

    0|0
    0|0
  • When was the last time you saw or talked to your friend? Maybe she's still trying to figure out her own things before she makes you all excited for her. I don't think you shohld be selfish. I saw pictures on Facebook of my best friend making out with two hot girls on a bed somewhere. He never had a girlfriend or did anything sexual (not to my knowledge at least), and suddenly he's making out with two hot girls on a bed. And it was posted a few weeks prior to when I discovered it. I'm not mad at him. I don't expect him to tell me everything that happens in his life; and you shouldn't expect that from her either.

    0|0
    0|0
    • We have lunch together regularly, usually once a week. The last time I saw her was last Wednesday.

      And you have to realize, making out with two girls and getting married are on two completely different levels.

    • Okay, you're right about that part. Well, you shouldn't be angry or pissed, but it does make sense to be a little upset and confused. Maybe in a nice and calm way you can ask why she never told you about such a big and special occasion.

  • You can be disappointed and angry. Maybe she feels you guys are drifted too far apart. In the end, if she's your friend and you want to keep the relationship, it's best to not make this a huge blowout.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You don't have the right to be upset. She just forgotten or her love for her boyfriend blinded her.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • I can understand why you're feeling upset, however, just because she is your "best friend" doesn't mean she has to tell you every single detail that happens in her life. You went to separate colleges, I'm sure you've both made new friends. She may even have another best friend. Idk.

    A lot of things change from year to year, people go their separate ways, make new friends, and personalities sometimes change. But It's her life, if she chose not to tell you, that's her decision. All you can do is be mature about it, congratulate her, and just be there for her as much as she wants you to be.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I can see both sides.. but personally yes I would be upset too.

    If they had been ex's I could understand it... don't let people have their say until you've worked out what you have kind of thing. If this is a new romance, why is she keeping it from you?

    Did she know you were leaving the country that day? If so it screams even more that she doesn't want you involved in her romance... Do you have a bad track record for either not settling with someone, badmouthing people's partners, being judgemental, anything like that? Anything that might think you're not a good person to speak to about relationships?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly know I don’t think it’s selfish to feel that way. my now ex best friend since jr high took almost a year to introduce me to her boyfriend. She didn’t want us to meet cause she thought he would leave her for me , I got really hurt cause I am a strong believer in girl code. I won’t ever flirt or try to steal my home girls man that’s just wong. I fount out threw an mutual friend , well at the time him and I just knew each other we weren’t really friends. I fount out threw him that she was pregnate and had been trying to get prego since they got togeher, note while she was still in high school almost a senior. I was crushed cause we were so close or at least it seemed like we were, hung out every day almost and she even stayed with me for a bit. Our friendship is no longer cause she got jealouse I finally started dating again and did what she did to me , minus the getting prego part. All in all, I wish we had sat down at a place that was nuteral grounds and talked it out. I wish we both listined to the other and let each other get it off their chest on how we really felt . Maby we would still be friends then. The best advice I can give it talk to her, agree to meet up and hear each other out. Tell her exactly how you feel, cause even if you guys break the frienship up you still got to voice what was in your head. Cause trust me it haunts me all the time that I didn’t get to tell her how I felt and to hear how she felt. You have every right to feel the way you do, after all your only human.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2.5 months and they're already engaged? I give it a year.

    She should've told you. Obviously she has something to hide and is scared of your reaction because she knows you'll probably tell her the truth of the situation if she did tell you in person. You'd tell her your concerns, that this is too fast, etc. and she doesn't want to hear it. On Facebook, people are only going to say "Congratulations!" because they're not about to have an intervention on a social media site, so she's safe revealing her engagement on there. One-on-one with her best friend, however, is a bit tougher.

    She knows it's a dumb idea and doesn't want to hear the truth about it. Don't bring up the fact that you're leaving the country because it'll sound like you're complaining. Just let it go, she'll come to her sense eventually.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you think that's bad?

    my own mother did the same number on me, she got married the week AFTER I left the country and only bothered to mention it at the airport before I boarded the plane, like thanks mum, I'm so glad you want to include me in your life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This isn't about you.

    1|1
    1|1
    • That doesn't answer my question. I know perfectly well it's not about me (hence my saying, "I'm trying to feel happy and supportive... don't want to cause drama for something special to her...") but it still involves me, and I want to know if I'm wrong in being a little upset over it.

    • You're both wrong and normal. So take a deep breath and say, "This isn't about me."

Loading...