He won't propose and has rules for our future wedding...what do I do?

My boyfriend has been married before when he was in his early 20's and she cheated on him and they divorced after a year. He is now in his late 20's and I just turned 25. We have been together for 3 years and have been talking about marriage. He told me that he knows I have never been married before but that he does not wan a big wedding. He says he would do a destination wedding that way only our close friends and family come. He said he would be embarrassed to do a big wedding again. I don't like that he is putting rules on it when he is the one who has already experienced it. I also know he proposed to her after 9 months and he still hasn't really thought about proposing to me. Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much but he says he knows he wants to marry me but wants me to be done my masters program first. I am done my program in less then a year and I told him weddings take a year to plan. He disagreed and said we can do it faster since it is a destination wedding. Do you think he is stalling because he doesn't really want to get married? Is it unfair that he has rules about our wedding already? I feel like once we are actually engaged he would change his mind on some stuff but I don't know or sure and it is upsetting me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • After all that time I think he still isn't emotionally ready to get married. It has nothing to do with the fact of how he feels about you. From what I am getting from this, he seems to love you very much. It's just the he doesn't want the disappointment, or embarrassment of investing time into something financially and emotionally, only to have it fail again. I'm not saying he won't give you your dream wedding, nor am I saying will be ever marry you,

    It just seems like he wants to take his time with this one, instead of rushing into it like he did in his last relationship,

    It sounds like what you two need to do is come to a compromise.

    The more you keep pushing marriage on him, the more he will likely want to decline from it.

    Sit down and talk with each other.

    -agree that you will give him more time to propose to you (come up with a reasonable timeframe)

    With that being said,

    -he must agree that it is fair for you to have the wedding you always dreamed of

    (It isn't fair, that you are paying for his last marriage failing by giving your dream wedding up).

    If you two can see eye to eye, and understand each others sides you can move forward.

    It is important that you understand and respect each others wants and desires, even though you may not necessarily agree upon it.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Before you get married, you need to learn that you can't guilt trip someone into marriage. You can't make him do something he doesn't want to do.

    If you can't accept that, marriage isn't for you yet. Divorce will be.

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What Girls Said 2

  • If you can't agree on the wedding you shouldn't be getting married.

    I also think that if he's mentioning marrying you he probably wants to. Most guys will blatantly say "I'm not getting married."

    Don't worry that he didn't propose - he did with the last girl after 9 months and it didn't last. I think he learned not to rush things the hard way,

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  • He's just hates the fact that he put his heart out there and got it trampled. His ex wife is a heartless bich. He got made a fool of. I understand him playing it safe. Your right it isn't fair to you that he is setting these rules. He might want to see a therapist.

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