If I didn't invite my mother to my wedding? Would this be super bad?

If I didn't invite my mother to my wedding?

I just got engaged tonight :) Yay! My parents, who are still married, are funding the wedding.

My father and I are really close and I want him there for sure. But my mother genuinely hates me. We have no bond whatsoever. She has told me on countless times in my childhood that I'm nothing but a burden on her and she wished I hadn't been born.

She's not this way with my siblings, however. She's an awesome mother to my sister and my two brothers. But she just really does not like me. And the feeling is mutual. I gave up trying to get some form of relationship with her years ago.

What makes it worse is that when we're around her friends, she's always civil to me and acts like we're best friends, but as soon as we're alone, it's back to the normal bitterness. And if I'm in another room when she has company over, I can hear her complaining to them about me.

I was not a bad kid though. Sure, I was laid back and not a neat freak, but what kid is? I didn't smoke, do drugs, drink, or have sex. I got all A's in school, and worked summers. I was with my fiance for seven years before he proposed so it's not like I did a shotgun proposal or anything.

She's not estranged from me...we've lived under the same roof my entire life. But all I know about her is that when she's around, the stress level in the house skyrockets.

So since she's practically a stranger to me, I don't want her to be there. But my fiancé says that I should let her come since I'm inviting my dad and since she's helping foot the bill of the whole thing.

So..,what are your thoughts?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It will put your father in a bad position if you don't invite your mother. So for your fathers sake I would invite your mom. She is helping to pay for the wedding, so is kinda entitled to be there. I would just try to avoid her as much as possible at the wedding without looking rude. If she does say something rude to you, then just ignore it. It isn't like you will have to be putting up with her for much longer. Soon she will have no power over you, and you will be able to go years without seeing her anymore if that is what you want. A wedding however is a family affair, and we all need to at least pretend not to hate each other at these types of events.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Oh boy...

    I haven't talked to my mother for years.

    When I did get married I guess they just assumed they were invited. I did want my Dad there! I don't recall her saying anything to me (at the wedding) still I guess it was OK for her to be there. The regret of her not being there would have been far worse then her being there.

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    • So you're saying I should invite her?

    • Years later, which will be the bigger regret? You at some point may regret inviting her but if things go poorly with her at the wedding she made an ass out of herself.

  • Like you said she is civil around other people, then there is her paying for the wedding hanging over your head. Also its simply not polite or sociable not to invite your mother, even though I completely understand what a monster she's been.

    You should invite your mother, just because she can come doesn't mean she can have any input whatsoever. You do whatever you want, however you want. Just ignore her until the wedding day, just stay with basic courtesies, and that's it. It need not be stressing. Focus on your special day and the guy you'll be spending the rest of your life with. For rest your dad be there to handle.

    Just invite her so you're not tangled in this whole inviting mother thing, so you can focus on your wedding preparations. And gratz :)

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  • You are going to have to suck it up. Now would be a perfect time to extend an olive branch and have a real heart-to-heart with her and see if you can repair your relationship.

    Even if not, you are going to have to invite her.

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  • Simple - tell your dad how you feel and let him decide if he wants her there to keep the peace or if he'll let you enjoy your day.

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  • Nah, be the big person and invite her. It sucks way more when you know you have been an ass to someone and they are still nice to you... Its like a giant f*** you I'm a better person rather than... F***you I'm gonna be a bad person on your level

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  • If she's helping finance it--then yeah, you have to invite her, or you put the burden on your dad.

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  • It's quite super bad.

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  • My fiances parents are the same way. They both treated my fiance horrible as a child but loved her two older sisters. My parents insist on paying for our wedding. She did not invite her parents only one of her sisters. So yes I think that's acceptable. Her parents did give her a small check but she still refused to have them at our wedding. Congrats by the way!

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What Girls Said 1

  • If she's contributing financially to it you can't not invite her. If you really don't want her there don't accept her money.

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    • I agree with Harveykinkle. I doubt she'll go out of your way to ruin your wedding day though. Talk to your dad about it? I do feel bad for you hearing that story however.. :(

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