How to communicate better with my husband?

Sometimes I feel like I push his buttons when I don't intend too and he shuts down when I try to talk to him and we end up getting in a fight, how can I talk to him without causing a fight so he actually listens to me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Speaking as a person that's like your husband (I shut down quickly when I feel confronted), just be as open as possible with him. The next time you feel like you pushed his buttons, apologize and say "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you upset I just want you to know that (whatever you wanted to address that pushed his buttons)."

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What Guys Said 1

  • Why is it so important that he listen to you?

    Surely you should both be listening to each other?

    Maybe you wouldn't push so many buttons if you paid attention to what he was telling you.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Wow, you got married BEFORE you learned how to talk to your husband?! That's not a good sign.

    First off, really think about what your issue is before you try and talk to him. Pin point what the problem is and why it is making you feel negatively.

    Then when you approach him, simply inform him how you're feeling about the situation. Don't make it into an accusation.

    This a typical bad approach, "It pisses me off when you leave the toilet seat up!"

    Using "you" in your sentences will immediately put him on the defensive - and people (especially guys) do not handle being verbally attacked well.

    Instead, say it like this, "I really get annoyed when I find the toilet seat up." (I'm just using toilet seat as a stupid example.)

    Then ask what you can do to make the situation better. If he hears that you're willing to make an effort, that you're not putting it all on him to change his ways, he might be more open to the idea.

    But the fact is, you are never going to change him. You can only change yourself. Change how you approach situations & him. Change how you react to him. It takes two people to fight. Make up your mind to not raise your voice, to not lose your temper. If he starts to get aggravated, don't follow him down that path. Choose YOUR behavior to something more positive & productive. When he sees you acting different, he just might do the same.

    And do make sure you take the time to listen to him when he's telling you what he thinks & feels. Ask questions to understand why feels the way he does. But you have to make it safe for him to open up and that means you need to pay attention to your tone of voice. If you talk to him in a peaceful, easy manner then that will be a safer environment.

    Also take into consideration men & women simply THINK DIFFERENTLY about things. Our hormones are different, our genetics are different, we approach situations in life differently. Things that make total sense to us women, don't make any sense to men. And vice versa. Simply accept the differences, don't try to change them. You'll both be a whole lot happier.

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    • First off the way you started your answer was really rude and it's just lately were having issues thanks

    • Whether it was rude or not is a matter of opinion. I just made an important point in a matter of fact way. The divorce rate is as high as it is because people get married because they truly know how to communicate well.

      If these are just recent, new issues then hopefully you can work through them now before they grow into something bigger.

  • ask him how he would like you to talk to him

    for me if I ask my husband "would you like to do this" and he says no I get mad and then he gets more mad because he said I asked him

    well now I should just say "I want to do this, let's do this"

    but he is trying to ask me back "would YOU like to do that"

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  • my mom always sends texts to my dad telling him how she feels to work things out

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  • well tell him you need to talk more about stuff and say you won't nag and try to listen too

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