Do you know any marriage that ended well?

If they've been together for a considerable amount of time? I know a lot of old couples that had good marriages. Both my grandparents marriages were good in the end but in like my parents generation or younger I don't know a single couple that I would say have a good marriage.

So many are divorced and even those that aren't often say they just feel like housemates with children or one partner is cheating.

I'm asking because my boyfriend asked me to marry him and I'm really not sure I want. I mean on the one hand I could imagine staying with him for the rest of my life and I find that happy family picture very appealing. Having a good relationship, buying a house, hving children... It just seems it's also very unrealistic though. Most people I know end up miserable after their marriage

Updates:
With ending well, I meant that they're still together and mostly happy.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know of several older couples who still get along really well. At least publicly, it seems to go well. One of my mentors is in his mid 70's and he still always refers to his wife as a total babe; and he always kind of puts it across that "he lucked out." To be almost 80 and still think of your wife almost like they day you both married... I love that idea. I want that in my life. I want to look at my wife and still be happily amazed by her. I want to think of my future wife as a babe even when we're old.

    The stats on marriage are scary. I was tempted to ask a friend of mine (a lawyer and recently married man) what the legal benefit of marriage was these days, as (legally) there doesn't seem to be very many.

    Marriage isn't easy. These days a lot of people don't have as much patience for it as it would seem culturally they used to. It takes a lot of effort from BOTH parties. It takes a wisdom many people don't want to have. It takes a level of forgiveness that many don't have. It's become a lot easier to divorce (this actually can be a good thing at times); a lot easier to lie and cheat, etc. All of this makes it tougher to stay married.

    That being said, I want to give it a try. I want to be happily married. In spite of all the scary stats, there are times where I'd like to believe that stuff wouldn't happen. Sometimes it doesn't happen, and you get a great long lasting marriage. A "true love" situation. I know that it will be a long time until it happens to me (if it ever does).

    Only get married if you are ready. If deep down you know you have a LOT of issues that need addressing before you get in too deep, work on those BEFORE marriage. If he has a lot of issues that give you a real pause, then don't do it. If you can barely afford bills, and he can barely afford bills, then don't get married. If you're not on your own yet, and he isn't, consider waiting. If you're just waiting as an excuse, or because of small issues, but really want to marry him, bring it up to others. Have an older couple that can help mentor you. And by all means, if you love him, feel like you guys are both a logical and emotional fit, then best of luck to you both.

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What Guys Said 15

  • I've been married going on 7 years...I think many people have such high expectations now. They expect their partner to be perfect, their jobs/careers to flourish (that last part is really unrealistic in the last few years, right?) and for nothing to ever go wrong.

    A lot of modern people grew up in prosperous times, and aren't prepared to deal with the slightest adversity. When anything goes wrong, they immediately blame their partner, in many cases, or at least, they take out their disappointment on their partner.

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  • Yes. My parents, who just hit 31 years last month.

    My dad's parents were married for fifty years and seven months (Grandpa died).

    My mom's parents were married for fifty-four years and six months (Grandpa died).

    My friend from college. Her parents have been married for almost forty years.

    My best friend's parents. His parents have been married for about twenty-seven years.

    My college professor/advisor. Forty...ish years.

    My next-door neighbors. Close to thirty years.

    Just to name a few :-)

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  • Marriage is a gamble. It is a financial partnership and an emotional partnership.

    When I got married, I was ready, optimistic and hopeful. We had 23 good years, 7 increasingly bad years and a terrible ending (from my point of view). I benefited financially from the total marriage and emotionally from the good years. The difficulties taught me compassion, increased my self-reliance.

    It can make it easier to plan for the (possible) failure so that you can break apart easier, with less pain. A pre-nup agreement would help make marriage failure less painful. Plus maintain your contacts with your friends and family, so if the marriage fails, you aren't alone. That is, take your concern seriously, and prepare for a failure. This may help the marriage succeed. imho.

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  • Nope I can say mine ended without a bang but it gets nasty at time. I came to the realization that most people don't come to until they have spent years literally wasted trying to save a marriage. I tried to get her to work on her terrible trust issues and abandonment issues, I had mine too. My issues were not the problem in which why we are getting a divorce it was really her spending issue and trust issue that tore us apart. I can say I married way too young and that I had my eyes open enough to realize her issues would take years to fix and that it might have already destroyed us. Sometimes divorce is the answer and its for the better of both parties which in my case it is. It is a decision I wrestled with for over a year and it took a lot out of me as a person to finally make it and tell her. It hurt more than anything in my entire life to hear her sob and beg me but it had to be done, had I been dating this would have ended rather quickly.

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  • My marriage is great. My wife is my best friend and partner in crime. The reason this works is because we are honest with each other and understand that the truth may not be what you want to hear. In order for us to truly still enjoy each other its crucial for us to take time and talk to each other. Just like any best friend their will be misunderstandings and arguments. Add in children and finances and it gets very stressful. They key is a great sex life, you need to be open and talk about fantasies and turn ons and even make some of them come true to keep the excitement. It's very important to make time in all the daily madness and YES its a lot of hard work but so worth it.

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  • My parents :3

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  • The problem about marriage is that it's intended to be a long term commitment, whereas most people who have only dated have only been in short term commitments. I don't care how many years you've had a boyfriend or girlfriend, that's intended to be a 'trial period' compared to the intended length of a marriage.

    I've only found a few people who were happily married, in that they both found each other sexually and emotionally appealing. I've talked to them, and it's not an easy road, and they anticipated that, and while it is work it is work that will be worth it. If you think you and your boyfriend will be able to talk out problems, stand by each other at your worst, and not lose your heads, I'd say go for it.

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  • I'm 14 years and counting.

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  • Actually, yeah, my coworker's marriage with his second wife was an easy split. They just came to not agree on a few things but were civil about it all.

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    • my parents divorce was civil too, but with ended will I meant that they're still together and somwhat happy

    • They aren't "together" but they are happy on a friendship basis. Honestly they are married again and still meet and greet and have dinners and family gatherings together.

  • Sadly enough no. All of them died or will die. Be aware: Marriage may kill you.

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    • Lol. Stats how married people live longer! Being alone is very dangerous.

  • A few.

    However, all marriages have issues and trauma.

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  • it all depend on who you marrie pic the best guy don't just marrie the first one who asks

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  • My parents, 20+ years

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  • The "Baby Boomer" generation is a spoiled generation that is about the "me" and the "now." They would rather jump ship to the new thing than have a love affair of a lifetime which is much harder. They don't see the negatives of that new thing, and then jump ship on that new thing once the new has worn off.

    They are leaving this country in a sad shape with debt as well for their offspring and grand kids to pay off. They saw their parents work through times, and heard stories from their grandparents, and don't want to put in any of the work it takes to really make it either in marriage or anything else. They don't accept personal responsibility, and come up with excuses why everything is someone else's fault as the government should take care of the problems.

    Now if you really are one to work at things, the tough part is finding someone else who will also take responsibility for their own actions these days.

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  • I live in an orthodox community and I only know 2 people who got divorced everyone else is happily married. My parents are going on there 30th anniversary and all my uncles and aunts are still happily married along with all my cousins.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I can understand your concerns. We have become such a disposable, immediate gratification society that it seems marriage is suffering along with many other types of relationships. Friendships don't seem to last like they used to either. You get pissed off, you drop your friend. People rarely know their neighbors well anymore, if they even know them at all. Part of it seems to be that people are more interested in WHAT they have in their lives than in WHO they have in their lives. Part of that means working longer hours to have all those THINGS. Too many aren't willing to put that type of effort into their marriage.

    Personally, I've been married 33 years. They have been THE happiest years of my life and it just keeps getting better. (yea, even the sex *L*) Our daughter has been married for 8 years and she and her husband are very happy. They have friends with good marriages too. We have many friends who have been married as long, or nearly as long as we have. Our parents were all married for nearly 50 years before death ended their marriages. What all these have in common are these are marriages between people that cared about one another. They actually LIKED each other. They had common goals, morals, interests and a willingness to make things work. The ones that I know that haven't worked out, either ending in divorce or living as roommates spent their time and energy on things that didn't help solidify the marriage.

    No relationship with another human is ever going to be perfect or easy. So many believe that once you get married there's no real change. But when you marry, you become a team. There is no longer any *I* or *ME*. It has to be *US* or it's not going to work. I don't mean that the individual no longer matters, but the whole, the couple that may eventually become the family must become the most important thing. It takes on a life of it's own. It needs to be nurtured just as the individuals in it need to be. Imagine a garden with lovely flowers. Each may be nice enough on it's own merits, but put them together and they are a gorgeous, glorious sight. If you only fertilize one, the whole suffers. Conversely, if you neglect any one, the whole suffers. While no one should be expected to give up their own identity, a good marriage demands that identity to encompass the partner and take their needs to heart. If each puts the others welfare ahead of their own, everyone reaps the rewards. When both do that, then the marriage grows into something that can weather most any of life's storms. A good marriage isn't always 50/50. Sometime it's 20/80 for a while, but it's all about the marriage being given 100% by the people in it. And while it may not always be easy it's always been worth it for us.

    My advise to you is to be honest with yourself and your boyfriend. Talk to him. Do you want the same things? Do you love him as he is? If you want different things or think that he will change for the better after you're married, don't do it. Good luck!

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  • I work at a retirement home and while yes, I do hear stories of some that are still happy but they did go through their ups and downs and had really bad rough patches.

    I also hear of how some of the husbands had multiple mistresses justifying it in that the wife is for "love" ad the mistress is for "pleasure"...

    I think the problem with marriage is that everyone does it so young before they really know who they are - when they're in their 20s or lower. I wanted to marry my boyfriend 4 years ago and now I am so glad I didn't!

    I'm changing so much every single year and I'm completely different than I was even 2 years ago. Had I married him we would likely have grown apart because he's completely different than then as well.

    I want to get married but not until I'm 35-40. I want to live and experience everything so I don't wake up one day at 50 having a mid life crisis that I missed out on things.

    If this guy is the right one for you, he will still be there in 5 years without the marriage contract. At the very beginning of a potential marriage (where you are now in deciding to do it or not) is when you should be most sure about it! If you're not sure, don't do it. If he's the one for you he can respect that and wait until you're ready. If he's worth marrying he would still be there in 20 years without a marriage contract.

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  • Thankfully yes I do know some good marriages between people my parents' age, my parents included. Some people a little older than me are happy too, but they haven't been married long so who knows how that will turn out.

    My granparents have been married 50 years, but they're not really happy, they used to fight a lot. My parents are happily married for about 25 years - I don't know how "in love" they are, but they like each other and get along and are happy.

    My uncle and his wife had a super messy divorce and it's still bad like 10 years later.

    My ex boyfriend's parents have been married for probably over 30 years and they're very in love, one of the things I liked about him haha.

    Lots of my friend's parents are pretty happy in their marriages, from what I can see.

    So it is possible. You just have to be committed to making it work, and don't consider divorce as an easy way out. Make sure you're both going to try hard before you get married. It's a choice to be miserable, whether or not you're married.

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  • My parents have been together for upwards of twenty years, and are still adorably in love. My dad's parents, who aren't even very good people, have been together for more than fifty years, and love each other dearly. It's all a matter of finding the right person.

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  • Good marriages don't end :) yes I've seen them and one being my parents. I want that and they have shown me how to treat someone to achieve it. getting married in 14 months!

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  • Yes my aunt was in a great realtionship for 45 years until her husband died

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  • i think every marriage has its ups and downs and people could still be together if they knew how to go about things, my parents marriage has been going welll even after bad fights

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