Guys, why do you not want to get married?

I was watching the View, and they talked about how in a recent survey, there are now more men between the ages of 18-35 that say they would "never" get married than there are men ages 18-35 who are still open to the possibility of marriage sometime in the future.

Just wondering "why" that is, and if there's anything girls can do to address the concerns you have so that you don't feel like marriage is such a bad thing.

  • Divorce (alimony, spousal maintenance, equitable distribution)
    14% (1)50% (9)40% (10)Vote
  • Sex (frequency and quality decrease after marriage)
    14% (1)6% (1)8% (2)Vote
  • Friends (losing your unmarried friends or married friends who's wife your wife doesn't like)
    0% (0)0% (0)0% (0)Vote
  • Relationship (after marriage, because you have more to lose in the event of a divorce, being controlled by your wife by the constant threat of a divorce; losing incentive to keep each other happy)
    14% (1)17% (3)16% (4)Vote
  • Other (please, feel free to explain)
    58% (4)27% (5)36% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well first, I am totally cool with marriage, but I can totally see why guys don't want to do it. My brother was married and the bitch was cold hearted, cheated on him and they divorced. Now she is like 25+ acting like an 18 year old partying, not giving a sh*t about the two sons. My brother had to deal with her whiny ass for 5 years and she never tried to help him or the kids in life, just herself. Luckily my brother got custody and his stuff.

    The reason I'm iffy about marriage is because of the stuff he went through.

    -I don't want to marry the wrong girl, especially a girl like her who acted like a perfect angel through the whole relationship and turned into a bitch when the ring was put on her finger.

    -I also know how much more difficult marriage is than a simple relationship. Girls tend to view marriages in a Romance mindset. They only see the happiness side of it: Kids, The honeymoon, growing old together, et cetra. Men have the more Realist mindset and know the struggle of keeping committed through a tough time, trying to keep the flame alive, having to work together to survive, et cetra. I know that it is a difficult thing to do and I don't want to just dive into something like that.

    Basically, there is too many "What if?" questions and the possibility of having everything you wanted collapse on top of you that is the problem.

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    • How did he manage to date and marry someone who was so cold-hearted behind the scene? It seems odd to me that one wouldn't notice such irresponsibility over a prolonged period of time.

What Guys Said 16

  • Guys don't feel the need to get married because too many girls sell out quickly and are willing to settle for living together, which does absolutely nothing for the relationship or for the girl, and puts all the cards in the guy's hand.

    Eventually girls will figure this out, and stop being such pushovers. But that is years away, because unfortunately, there are too many stupid girls in this world.

    ___________________

    Thumbs-down away, but 40% of all children are being born out of wedlock, which means they are at a very high risk of being raised below poverty levels. Why? Because women are stupidly getting pregnant with men who can't or won't commit to them. Stupid is as stupid does.

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    • As to your last public policy point, "out of wedlock" is not a good proxy for "single mother" homes. That's also why "out of wedlock" is not a good proxy for "risk of poverty." What we really care about is that children have "two parents," and not just one. But a couple doesn't need to be "married" in order for a child to have the financial support of two parents. I'm also pro-marriage, but it destroys the credibility of pro-marriage people to make erroneous arguments like that.

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    • thats not because they dudnt get married. that's bcthe guys area**holes. you can marry and still leave your kid.

      if two people actually love respect and give a sh*t about each other there's NO difference between living together and marriage -except marriage is an outdated entirely useless unnecessary form of slavery.

    • i think this makes a lot of sense

  • It really depends on the guy. Me personally am one of those who does want to get married. I'm big on love and want someone who will love me and who I can give my all to. Also want kids as they have always been a part of my life (being an older sibling, volunteering for things that involve kids with disabilities, etc.). So basically a marriage would be a benefit to me.

    But as for the topic at hand, one person nailed it on the head. Guys don't get much out of a relationship. As harsh as it sounds, a lot of guys (that I've known and seen) don't want kids. They'd rather have their fun and sleep around without needing to be attached to one woman the rest of their life. They see it as a drag having a wife and kids. They feel that all they do are things that benefit the wife and kids than themselves. The only way I know they can benefit from it is if they really want to be with one person they truly love and have kids and get the enjoyment of having and raising a family.

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  • It seems like relationships are happy trusting and more about your love for each other. As soon as marriage comes into question no matter how much women say "i don't care about material things" guys have to be on the lookout for that greedy selfish behavior. Because lets face it women are pretty much in control of the legal aspect of marriage. So even if you are in love, marriage brings up questions that you would normally never find yourself asking if you were just a couple. "She has total legal access to my finances, is that a good idea?" And if you ladies are saying " ya but were in the same position"...eeeehhh no you're not. You have the influence of the civil and family court in your corner. If you're a guy and you marry a women with kids from a prior relationship and she divorces you, get ready to pay child support for those kids that aren't yours.( Ya men can't wait to experience that bullshit! lol) I once even read and article about a sperm donor that was sued for child support by the woman that used his sperm... and won! Meanwhile these women are at the mall buying themselves Coach bags, clothes, and paying for dates with their new boyfriends with the money thats being sucked out of the guy who is trying to support his children. I understand there are many decent women that would never dream of such selfish behavior. But when so many guys see women support a "you go girl attitude" towards financially abusing men. As well as the amount of women that flip out and get violent, then call the police and the man gets taken away. Most guys rather stick to a safe marriage free long and happy relationship.

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  • I'd get married but I feel really far from that. I think I'd want a prenup though. I don't see myself being with one girl for the rest of my life at this point. Life changes.

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  • The way I feel right now I never ever want to get married. Maybe that might change if I find a girl I can trust.

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  • I do want to get married, however I am scared of option A. I think most guys are, but personally I am planning on getting married.

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  • Business wise you get screwed financially if you split up, the courts make it difficult to get equal visitation, and once you have been through it before you realize it is not as forever as you think at the beginning...

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    • I don't know why people conflate marriage with child custody issues. Child custody is determined on the basis of the best interest of the child. It has absolutely nothing to do with the status of being married. The standard is the same for married and unmarried people.

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    • Think what you want you asked why guys are gun shy. You can't argue it by saying guys feeling this way is wrong, because this happens all the time. Men are at a huge disadvantage and give up tons of their rights when they get married, they just don't know how much until they get divorced. Sounds to me like you really don't know and consider it a cop out or something. Its not, and if you want to really know why, mine and others are the reasons. Telling guys they are stupid won't solve it...

    • If anything, you're the only one that's been insulting. I haven't insulted you once. I'm only pointing out that the status of "married" vs. "unmarried" is completely irrelevant in a court's analysis of which parent should be awarded "sole" or "primary" custody over a child. All you've replied with is, rather an some legitimate counter-argument, mere ad hominem personal attacks and generalized expressions of frustrations with women, courts, and marriage.

  • I do want to get married, I just want to marry the right person. So I'm being picky

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  • the reason why I don't want to get married yet is because I haven't even had a girlfriend to spend that special date time with

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  • Mostly A. Most guys are actually interested in serious relationships and commitment. But any rational man is going to worry about the risk of marriage. It's not like being a good husband means you don't have to worry. The concept of fault in divorce is virtually gone now. I can understand why many men don't want to get married these days. I feel the same way. I'd happily pledge to spend the rest of my life with a girl I love. But marriage is not something I want.

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    • That's very interesting. So, even though marriage is something you're completely excluded as a possibility, you're saying you still don't have a problem with commitment and staying loyal to the same person for the rest of your life?

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    • I feel very much the same way. I would love taking my time to invest into a marriage with a woman i love and trust. And if they're kids i would probably fall even more deeply in love and would work my butt off just to make sure everyone (wife and kids) is living a comfortable and happy life. BUT... from what I've seen, women change after marriage. And even though most women will pretend like they dont have any advantages in divorce, they absolutely do and they know they do. Which is why 70% of divorces are started by women. If women didn't have such advantages you would see that percentage drop so damn quick. This is why men hang on to happy relationships as long as they can and avoid even talking about marriage. Mariage for women= a wedding, presents, and the option to blame any misfortune on her husband and divorce him, which means he will most likely lose everything including his kids.
      Marriage for men= anxiety, she could ruin my life if she wanted to, and i can't do anything.

    • @promethius agreed

      @Asker, if I didn't make it clear, B, C and D are also huge factors, though unlike A the husband has some control over those. As for A, A isn't just the money: it's the whole experience. Family court is a terrible place, utterly corrupt. The court proceedings are dragged out for financial reasons and because generally the state likes to meddle in families. It's common practice for one spouse's (usually the wife's) lawyer to persuade the spouse to falsely allege (purely for advantage in court) that the other spouse committed domestic violence against her and/or the children. This happened in my own parents' divorce, and I know many other cases. Of course this allegation was so baseless it would never have made it to a criminal trial or even to ordinary civil litigation. But the family court admitted it as evidence, never even asking me or my brother whether we'd experienced that!

  • The problem is pretty self-evident IMO. Marriage today is a very different proposition for men than it was decades ago. Most women today, like society in general, are very focused on women's needs and give little or no thought to what it takes for a man to be happy and fulfilled in life. Why would a man want to marry that?

    Don't get me wrong - there are still some good "marryable" women today - women with good values who appreciate men and are not woefully self-centered - but not nearly as many as there used to be.

    The decline in men's enthusiasm toward marriage is directly proportional to the decline availability of "marryable" women.

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    • To add to the above, I think most men today actually would be very interested in marrying a good woman. They just don't think they would find one.

    • And the decline of marriable women is in direct correlation with the acceptance of feminist ideology.

  • Marriage ruins relationships.

    The reason two people are in a relationship is because they choose to be in a relationship. Every single day they're together, they're together by choice. They're both completely free to walk away, with the only consequence being the loss of their partner (the complete loss of their partner).

    When you add marriage to the mix, that dynamic changes, mostly for the woman. Courts don't order women to have sex with a guy for X years to "maintain his lifestyle." Upon divorce, he loses that aspect of his society. The woman still gets to keep some aspect of being with her husband - his financial support. So, right off the bat, BEFORE marriage, the woman had more to lose in the event of the relationship falling apart. AFTER marriage, the woman has less to lose in the event of the relationship falling apart.

    So, AFTER marriage, her economic incentive to keep the guy happy so that he will still want to voluntarily remain in the relationship goes down! BEFORE marriage, if she nagged, told him what to do, complained, if their sex life sucked, if she had horrible spending and saving habits, if she was judgmental about his friends, if she was controlling, or otherwise a negative person to be around, she would risk losing all the benefits of being with him ... ALL the benefits of being him. She would lose him in EVERY SINGLE WAY. In order to avoid that result, she would constantly keep her behavior in check. She would not eat that extra doughnut, she would let that argument go, she would actually make an effort to make him happy, she would actually care about him and whether he's even really happy, etc.

    As soon as he obtains the legal right to continue to enjoy the benefits of being with him, even in the event that the relationship should fall apart, that incentive disappears and her behavior changes. On top of that, the dynamic also changes for the guy.

    BEFORE marriage, if the relationship didn't work out, all the guy would lose would be any benefits he was getting from being in a relationship with the girl. AFTER marriage, the guy has to live in this constant fear of having some part of his life taken away from him. In the event the relationship falls apart, to no fault of his own, he has to give his assets and future income to a woman he's no longer in a relationship with. He has to live the rest of his life under this constant stress of that threat (answer choice A). In the event the relationship does fall apart, he's sentences to live a half life with whatever fraction of himself he has left.

    That's basically what women are insisting on each time they push for marriage. They create all these emotional fluffy pretextual excuses to justify wanting "CONTROL" over the relationship. They want the man to live like a scared little puppy, fearing the moment his master will hit it. So, that's why I think it's answer choice D.

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    • The advantages for a married woman are REAL!
      The advantages for a married man are NON EXISTENT!

  • Men I know who don't want to get married, its mainly A.

    They should be more worried about B and D. A is the threat that makes it hard to do anything about B and D, from the male's perspective.

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  • Over the past several decades women have largely destroyed the appeal of marriage to men. Considering how hateful women have become toward the male gender, men are just unlikely to willingly commit the rest of their lives to someone who:

    1) Says men have little value

    2) Believes fathers are useless

    3) Will want the man to be the primary breadwinner but have unrealistic expectations in other areas too

    4) Sees the world only through her gynocentric lenses

    5) Is likely to file for divorce if things get rocky, which means a very unfair scenario for him

    In short, women have reduced the scope of their appeal to just sex. Considering all the above, and the fact that the female sexual revolution has made sex quite available without marriage, why would a man WANT to get married?

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  • I don't see any reason to

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  • In my opinion, guys never wanted to get married. They just had to, in order to get what they needed from society.

    Now society has progressed to the point where a guy no longer needs to get married to get what he needs from society.

    As a result, more and more men are finally admitting the truth - that marriage gives *nothing* to a man. He can have exactly the right kind of life without getting a legally bound wife.

    As for why... honestly, I think it's genetic. We're just not built to be monogamous. We're not built to be in relationships. Women clearly get something out of them, and men don't.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I'm a woman and I don't want to get married. What is the point of marriage? Even when it comes to your property, you can simply get it legally arranged to whom you would like your belongings to go to in case of an emergency. Also if you want children you can co-parent. If you do manage to find someone half decent that you wouldn't mind shacking up with, you can cohabitate, until you realize the infatuation has worn out.

    Who wants to live with someone for the rest of their life when they won't be able to stand them after 5-6 years? Who wants to give up half of their belongings in a divorce, when you can simply pack your sh*T and leave when you're ready to?

    More men and women are opting out of having children and getting married, simply because people don't need to anymore. Men and women can make their own income and have their own children, without being involved with someone else. Long term monogamy has NEVER been a human mating pattern. Even Tribal humans today practice polygamy, where Men and women have multiple wives/husbands. Being the social animals that we are, it is easier to survive and raise offspring as a GROUP not individually. They rely on a system of UNITY to care for everyone including the Elderly, especially if one of the main providers or caregivers fell ill or died. Long term Monogamous marriage goes against our nature.

    Anyways, Plenty of men and women have been vocal about their lack of desire to marry and have children. Many people don't want to get married or have children.

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    • Logically, I completely agree with you. At some point, society either intentionally or unintentionally conflated religion with the need for children to have two parents in order to have a higher chance of survival than being raised by only one parent. Even so, I don't know, I don't think it's wrong to want to live with the same person for the rest of your life. It takes time to build relationships, why would I want to go through that every 5-6 years?

    • There isn't anything WRONG with wanting to spend the rest of your life with one person. It's just unrealistic, granted its not impossible. Who you are when you marry someone certainly isn't going to be the same person 6+ years down the road. As we age our needs/wants change, our ideas, beliefs, and morals change. Those changes may not be in line with who your partner develops into. I always enjoy meeting new friends and lovers. The rush you get is amazing and never gets old.

  • if you can't be committed without marriage, you're not actually committed _in_ marriage.

    the relationship is either strong or it isnt. there's nothing noble about a property relation. that's all marriage is property ownership slavery. sugarcoated with dumb words that don't mean anything once you get divorced. and people DO get divorced. because they didn't really want to be together forever in the first place.

    lots of people stay together without marriage because they want to be together. not because they get their wrists slap or socially shamed, for leaving.

    .if you need marriage to make you feel secure your relationship it isa flimsy relationship. It is not what you hope it is. or will it ever be.

    lots of people go all out with the proposal and marriage then turn into jerks because they think their work is done and their partner actually thought they made that effort because it was love. not because they wanted to get the 'working' for it part over with.

    theres more disallusionment between married couples than any other group of people in the world,

    if you're in a super tight relationship and you're totally committed and you feel like getting married for the experience of a marriage ceremony or w/e by all means go ahead.

    but yore not gaining commitment by marrying someone who want going to commit without the paper. you're just stalling fir tine till they leave. physically or emotionally.

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  • thats sad, really.

    its just lack of commitment and not knowing what love actually is. marriage is an amazing thing and the status of the relationship over time is only whatever the couple makes of it...

    there is no guide to predicting what marriage life will be like because its unique.

    im just glad there are still guys out there who do uphold their values and not see anything to do with both love and commitment pointless, with the exception of sex of course-.-

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    • You can be perfectly committed without marriage...

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    • if you can't be committed without marriage, you're not actually committed _in_ marriage.

      the relationship is either beautiful or it isnt. there's nothing 'beautiful' about a property relation. that's all marriage is property ownership slavery. sugarcoated with dumb words that don't mean anything once you get divorced.

      anyone can get divorced.if you need marriage to make you fee;secure your relationship is not what you hope it is. or will it ever be.

    • lol I don't think you realize what your saying... do you know what the marriage ceremony involves?

      and if you think being married is being a slave your definition of marriage is stuffed up. down vote me, I dnt give a f***, I'm entitled to my opinion and so are u.

      if you think that marriage is a piece of sh*t, fine good for u, but I don't need to hear bout it:)

  • bc sex is available outside of marriage.different than in the past.

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  • It's not just guys. Lots of gals are hesitant to get married too.

    People used to marry because it was difficult to get along without it. Not all married couples got along happily. People who saw positive marriages are more likely to like the idea, but people who saw negatives ones are more likely to think it's not a great idea or be anxious about it.

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  • i think its more of a D

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  • many think that marriage ruin things

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