Dating someone who is against/doesn't believe in marriage?

Looking to see what people think. Dating a guy almost 5 months, we randomly got talking about marriage, kids etc (more in a jokey way as we know its far too soon for this kind of discussion :P). I already had a feeling he had reservations about ever getting married and now he has confirmed it. He is not religious at all (like me), in fact we are both quite anti religion. He also feels its just a piece of paper and doesn't change how people feel about each other or their level of commitment and he is generally one to not conform to societal "norms"/ "expectations". I actually agree mostly with him but feel if I was having children (he does seem to be open to this, he has one child already) I would need the finanical/legal security that comes with the marriage itself. I have heard that if people make wills and certain legal documents in terms of insurance etc they can have pretty much the same "rights" though as married couples? I should probably add this guy has come from divorced parents, his sister who he is close with is currently going through the same with kids involved, and a few other siblings have divorced also. He also had a rough split with the mother of his child and feels he was lucky to not have been married. So I can't really blame him for seeing marriage in a negative light. I guess I'm wondering do people feel that the actual marriage part is really necessary, and any girls in particular feel they could stay with a guy without this. I feel like we could have something really great and don't feel like walking away over this as its far off in the future but also its an important issue and if I grew more strongly in the future about getting married it would be harder to break up.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm dating a guy who is 28 and I'm 37. He's been married once and says he will not marry again. I've had a rough time with it because I'm family oriented and I've learned from my mistakes in previous marriage...but I try not to think about it for this really big reason:

    You could have the man of your dreams lying in bed with you every night. Someone who makes you happy and treats you well, but won't marry you.

    or

    You could have a nice man, whom your not as deeply in love with and 'settle' for because he is wiling to marry you.

    I've learned that (thru bad relationships previously) that if you have someone in your life that makes you feel complete. PATIENCE - PATIENCE - PATIENCE will help, especially with what he's been through and what he's seen 'marriage' to become. He might change his mind in the future...subtle discussions might work. But don't expect him to change his mind..maybe if you remind yourself that, his viewpoint won't disappoint you so badly.

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    • Thanks for the reply. I agree I would only be subtle if discussing this again and would never try and change his mind, he would have to do that on his own. I have thought the exact same that maybe I wouldn't find someone else I care for as much anyway. I guess us girls have just been "programmed" that marriage is the end result of a relationship and life is somehow "wrong" if that doesn't happen or he just doesn't love you enough if he won't have the wedding!

What Guys Said 1

  • As a guy, I don't believe in marriage.

    I can also say that if the day ever came when I wanted to leave someone, my marital status wouldn't stop me. I'd be gone, regardless.

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    • Thanks for the reply. I agree I think people marrying just to feel extra secure is wrong, look at the high divorce rates anyway! In a way if a man stays with me without the legal form it should mean more as he's doing it cos he wants to not cos he feels he has to or can't afford to divorce!

What Girls Said 3

  • He needs time. I'm in his shoes. Right now I am against marriage because I just came out of a sticky/ messy one. But my current boyfriend of a year has already begun hinting at wanting to get married. Just because I say no right now, doesn't mean I will always say no. You've been dating for 5 months, too early to expect him to change his mind. Give it a year, maybe 2 and he'll come around.

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  • If he does t believe in it and you do I would break up with h him because it will hurt more as you said

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  • i think that if you really like him it is better being with him for a while than not at all

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