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Men... marriage and last names?

So how would you feel if the girl you wanted to marry wanted to keep her last name? Would you be bothered my it? Would you ever take a woman's last... Show More

Since children and last names came up ... What if she wanted the children to have her last name too?

Most Helpful Opinion

  • "So how would you feel if the girl you wanted to marry wanted to keep her last name?"

    I would tell her that it's great that she wants to keep her last name and that I hope she finds a guy who would be cool with that.

    Then I would break up with her and find a gal who was willing to take my last name. I'm old fashioned. One family, one name.


    "Would you ever take a woman's last name?"

    No, but apparently Jack White did.

    "What if she wanted the children to have her last name too?"

    She doesn't take my last name AND she gives the children her last name?! It's like she's trying erase me from the picture. Just what is going on here?!

What Guys Said 33

  • I was pleased my wife took mine, not like giddy, but glad. I would have been okay if she hadn't.

    But if she wanted kids to have her name, not mine? Why are we getting married again?

  • I wouldn't be bothered by it. It's her choice after all I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I'm pretty "whatever" about it honestly haha

  • i wouldn't marry her

  • I'd be OK with her hythenating her last name and mine together but I wouldn't be OK with her not taking my last name at all. That's a deal breaker.

  • I wouldn't be bothered if she wanted to keep or hyponate her name but I am sure as hell keeping mysurname.

  • As soon as I reached the age of consent, I had my last name legally changed to Crack-Pipe-Pappy. Now, what woman in her right mind would want a name like that? Tami Crack-Pipe-Pappy" Patty Crack-Pipe-Pappy? Of course not! On the other hand, Palek Crack-Pipe-Pappy is a veritable melody of a name. I wouldn't change it for the world!

    • wow! Crack-Pipe-Pappy...lol that's funny! uummm don't want that name!

    • I knew you wouldn't! ; - )

  • To be honest, I never understood that. Both people should be able to keep their name, but then that would create the dilemma of what their children's last names would be. Maybe...the boys keep the father's last name and the daughters keep the mother's last name?

    I wonder if that would work out or not.

    • It came from an old tradition, it was the husband's way of signifying that he had confidence in the woman and he was sure the kids were his.

  • I have no problem with women keeping their last name. What I hate is the hyphenated bullsh!t. It an unsustainable system. Because what about the next generation? What if their kid marries another hyphenated-name kid? "Hi, my name's Jennifer Smith-Williams-Jones-Johnson." F*ck outta here...

  • "In a completely modern 21st century kind of way, yes it does bother me"-Marshall from how I met your mother.

    I know it's a weird source to quote lol

    I would be a little upset. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker. Mostly e cause I can't truly justify why it should be that way. I would want my future wife to take my last name. I would want them to want to. But if they didnt, what argument do I have? Why should she? Or why should I get to make her?

  • I probably would likely ever take her last name as I like mine and would want it to stay put. While I'd prefer her taking my last name, I'd be OK with her keeping hers. I however do not like hyphenated names and would not want those.

  • If her name was a part of her lively hood, then it wouldn't be as big a problem for me. Otherwise, I admit I might feel a bit hurt - I'd probably get over it, though.

    Actually, I'd think about changing my name. I don't care much for the family line as far as what the "men" have done with it. The men have had a long time history of being nasty, cruel and abusive (certain generations more than others, but...). Self righteous. Condescending. For the most part, I have worked to avoid continuing the bad behavior.

    So to me, the existing name is almost like a curse of sorts; I don't feel like the name is particularly something I'd want to keep and try to turn into a positive. I would consider changing it, if I felt I had a better one, and wanted to go through the process of name changing.

  • I would prefer she took my last name but if she wanted to keep hers I would not have a problem with that

  • Can't really say I could blame her, she has a right to want to keep that part of her identity. I'd be willing to hyphenate and have our kids have the double name as well if it would be that important to her.

  • I think it's sexy when a woman decides to take your last name when you get married. As for taking her last name, it's not something I intend on doing (I'm more of a traditionalist, from chivalry to last names), but I'm not clairvoyant, so you never know...

    If a woman wants to keep her own last name, that's her decision. However, it can cause problems when having children. Children legally take the father's last name and when going through the airport, a family friend who did this had to prove that her children really were her children, because of the difference in last names. It's not impossible, but it can get annoying.

  • Wouldn't have minded her keeping her own (she's from China, where changing names is not even possible). But she thought, that one family bears one name, so she took mine.

  • I haven't known too many men who insist on their new wives adopting the man's name. And my experience goes back a couple generations. This is very common and it's usually understood to be the woman's choice. I can't think of any case where the man adopted the woman's last name. That would probably be viewed as a very subservient man. It would not be viewed positively by many. Likewise, the idea of given the children the mother's last name creates issues too. It implies that the father is only a step father and not the biological father.

    You didn't mention hyphenations. They seem like a happy medium but they tend to be too clumsy for others. Almost all of the adult children I've known with hyphenated last names insisted on using a single, usually the fathers.

  • It would fine if she wanted to keep her last name. I think most women do want their last and their husands. I would never take a women's last name. My last name is Olivo and is kinda unique as most people can't pronounce it right. Plus I believe it's latin so maybe I am half latin and Hispanic. Plus it would feel weird to have a girl's last name. For example say her last name is Martinez, Mr and Mrs Arturo and Gilda Martinez. Now say if family members asked why you change from Olivo to Martinez? I could say my wife wanted me to take her last name. I just wouldn't know how to deal with being mad fun of.

  • I wouldn't take a woman's last name just cause of the ridicule society would give. I think the girl can keep it as long as she also adds mine. Like Angelina Jolie-Pitt style

  • What do you mean her last name too? Like two last names? I mean I'm Latin so that's kind of not that weird and my mom kept her last name. If she wants to keep her's that's fine if she wants to add it to our children that's fine. Though I'd have to give up my philanderous ways should I ever want to get married

  • I'd be okay with it if she wanted to keep her last name, but I wouldn't change my name. As far as the kids and their last names, that could be tricky, but I'd suggest to her maybe hyphenate for the kids or let the kids pick which last name they want.

  • I would never take another last name. I'm very proud of my heritage and wouldn't want to change my name and a family must have the same name. My kids and wife will have the same name as me, Sorry if I seem like a douche.

  • No I wouldn't take a woman's last name. I'd be fine if she'd want to keep her's. I'd like her to take mine, but fine if she didn't. Ultimately if she didn't want to take mine I'd than suggest we combine last names like they do in some cultures

  • Yes it would bother me, exspicialy if she wants the children to have her last name too.

  • I don't see the problem with both people keeping their own last name even after marriage. Its not big deal really.

  • Hell no. She's either taking my last name or the highway. lol

  • Here in Canada it's been a long time since women no longer change their name for their husband's name.Growing up in that context, I don't see any logical reason why a woman should need to change her whole identity just to please someone. If she doesn't feel any kind of attachment to it or doesn't like her name at all then why not. As for children they usually take any name the parents decide to give them at birth. Mom's name, dad's name or both. I don't like my family name at all. If I could, and I might, I'd change it legally. My kids took my loved one's family name back then. I liked it a lot, it sounded way nicer. I'm happy with that. If I loved my family name then they probably would have both names or just mine. To be honest, I'm just giving my opinion as a foreigner. It's not a super discussed subject here. People don't really care about that.

    • I life in Canada, my wife took my name.

      I understand that in Quebec its much less common.

  • I think I wouldn't like her to keep her last name to be honest, but I would prefer if she kept hers to keeping both!

  • My wife to be wouldn't want to take my beautiful name?!? Now, I know why domestic violence happens.

  • I woudn't mind if she wanted to keep her last name. However I woudn't take hers

  • That's a deal breaker, if a girl refused to take my last name if we wed. Not because it's a big issue in itself, but because it a shows an attitude that will come back to bite any man in the ass.

    And "if she wanted the children to have her last name." That's supposed to be reserved for bastard children, haha.

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What Girls Said 16

  • That's very interesting I never heard of a man taking a womans last name, hmm.

    Until I became a member on here, I never even knew this was an issue lol.

    I just assumed all women (aside from ones who keep there last name for

    professional resons), took there husbands last name. If I ever get married,

    I intend on taking his last name.

  • I would just take his last name, I like that my initials are AAA, but I'd survive if his last name did not end in an A.

  • I can't imagine that a lot of guys would want to change their last name. I woudn't keep my last name, just because I'm more of a traditional person. Also I would freely want to take my husband's last name.

  • Well, that's not a problem in my home country, since children usually get two last names, your mother's surname + your father's surname.

    When you get married, you can choose if you add your husband's surname or not (your own name can't be deleted). Some women don't because it means you get a very long name, like with 5 or more names, and it's bothersome to sign and fill in documents.

    I know of some husbands who adopted the wife's name instead (usually because she comes from an important family and the children generally get the father's surname, so for name survival purposes).

  • My friend took on his wife last name, by force of the wife father of wealth!

  • My brother-in-law took my sister's last name. I don't know if I will change mine but I'm leaning towards not doing it. It would be too...disorienting. I like the idea of combining the last names with a hyphen because to me it symbolizes the partnership that marriage is.

  • I think the woman should take the husbands last name. If my boyfriend and I get married, I'll gladly take his last name--no hyphenated bullsh*t or any of that

    Marriage is a sign of the woman growing up and merging into one with her husband.

    I just think that the man is well, the man. He's the head of the household, leader of the pack and he should be respected as the man.

    I think it's emasculating when women want the guy to take their last name. And I notice it's always women with some hidden (feminist) agenda to prove a point.

  • My mother kept her last name and I never really thought much of it. My siblings and I all have out fathers last name. We travel a lot and there were never any issues at airports. As a women I intend to someday keep my last name and then any children could just have their father's last name. It's just a personal choice. I can't imagine many guys would change their name...

  • Even I don't want my name, I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, haha!

    Besides, there's something strangely sexy about marriage and about being able to take my man's name, like he owns me. I love that!

  • i'm not taking his last name if it sounds like Hore, Little, Foot...etc

  • Are you engaged or are you trying to get married? I wouldn't worry about it until either one actually happens

    • No I don't plan on ever getting married. I just heard about this guy who took his wifes last name and gave their children her last name too. I found it a bit weird that a guy would be OK with that so I thought I'd see what other guys thought about it.

    • I do not plan on getting married either, I am not saying I will never get married but that is definitely not in my future plans, I guess you and I are in the minority or anomaly here? lol

    • I guess so lol

  • Why would a guy ever take a females last name? Every female should take a mans last name


  • i have a boyfrined righ tnow and we have joked about marrying, I already told him tha tif it happens I wouldn't like it to have his name. he's OK with that.

  • It's really not that serious. If she wants to keep her name, she will keep it

  • i think the guy shouldn't get mad it sjsut decision. he won't take your name would he?

  • I don't think it's that big of a deal if she would rather keep her name. I guess a lot of guys have a big ego

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