Help me escape my dysfunctional family!

Ok, so there are a couple of members of my family who, if I'm honest, I would prefer it if I wasn't related to them - some family members get drunk at events and either go nuts, argue or just irritate everyone, some are just really 2 faced. I tend to avoid ever visiting some of these family members.

Anyway, I didn't want to go to my cousins wedding or a grandparent's birthday as I don't enjoy them at all, I find I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for something to happen and I feel uncomfortable but I always get talked into going by my mum and aunt who guilt trip me by saying my grandparents won't be around much longer - at the wedding I ended up in tears because things were so bad (although I am generally a confident and social person, it was so uncomfortable and I hated it) and at the birthday, it was micro-managed so nobody could relax and the entire day was a chore!

There is a meal coming up - how do I get out of it without backlash from other family members?

Updates:
I do actually get on with the majority of my family - there is an aunt who's an alcoholic and who is pure poison (she turns on you when she's drunk then comes out with the most horrendous, hurtful comments to upset you so it makes her feel like she has the upper hand) and another relative who gets insanely drunk then gets violent and I always seem to be the target despite my best efforts to not interact! You can choose your friends ...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just distance yourself from them if possible. You could try maybe voicing your concerns about your family and see how they respond to the criticism. Maybe come up with a good excuse like you go sick or something.

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    • Yes I think a last minute 'sickness illness' may be the answer! Otherwise the rest of the family get irritable with me for not attending (I don't think they have yet grasped the concept of me being a grown adult, capable of making my own decisions!) thanks :-)

What Guys Said 4

  • There's got to be one person in your family you re comfortable with. Stay with them and interact with them

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  • If you genuinely don't care for your cousin or grandparents then nobody is forcing you to go, that may seem cold but don't let people even family force you into situations you don't want to be a part of.

    It's family so it's not like you'll be offending anybody, if it was just a friend then that's a different story.

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  • Plan a trip to Hawaii (unless that is where you live) or something and claim prior commitments.

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  • You should keep yourself busy every time. THat way, you'll not be seen as a pushover.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Get busy. Find a job start working out. Participate in sifferent competitiions and event (sport or whatever). During some kind of celebrations be "busy" and stay there shortly or don't come at all

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  • On the day say you're very poorly. And stay in bed all day

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  • just don't go to the meal

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  • hmm, well I can't help you with that, my only suggestion which is too extreme is to excommunicate them and everyone you know that may be linked to them and move away or even leave the country, but like I said its way too extreme, but at your age you at least have the freedom to do it

    i have a very dysfunctional family too but I've already excommunicated them as relatives, I only talk to my parents on a strictly professional basis and I keep a moderate social basis with my little brother mainly because I'm worried about him, my fathers a complete psuedomaniac sicko pervert pedophilliac bastard with an ego of a European feudal king and loves to waste every penny we make on useless crap, only reason he's still around is because he's dug his roots deep into the family business, my mom is more acceptable socially and psychologically but she has serious anger management issues and has terrible tantrums from time to time, she's not mentally challenged or bipolar but she sometimes shows those aspects, but the main cause is with disputes and feuds with her brothers and sisters (7 in the family)

    both my grandparents died already, my grandfather when I was 2 and my grandmother before I was born, my fathers mother died 26 years ago and his father died 8 years ago, his father detested me as I was a halfblood child, I share his hatred as I hate my own English bloodline heritage as well as my father, my solution for living in everlasting peace at last was to finish college, get a job and move out which is ongoing already, I had many other alternatives including living with my boyfriend but this was the most viable and so far its successful since it also help me open a door for my other goals and most importantly my dream, it'll be easy for me to fully excommunicate them as they have no hold over my social life or friends I feel no regret or remorse in the feelings I have at all, may gods wrath fall upon them when I leave.

    so yeah, eternal rage aside that's my plan, I would visit my mom from time to time but I hope to god my father dies soon, then I can bury him in a artificially created replica of hell.

    having this much hatred inside isn't good for me, I have thought of actually killing my father demonically at several points of my life, but never actually did it because I knew of the immense concequences, I can only escape him as my solution, once I achieve it I will finally be at peace, no matter how difficult the future becomes, oh and going to a psychiatrist is out of the plan, that'll just end me up fcked in the head by mind altering medicine and half baked treatments or end me up in a psychological ward, I have my solution and I intend to see it through..

    its a very good thing nobody knows me in gag irl otherwise I'd automatically be alienated all over again.. uggh, terrible memories..

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