Do you have to go through a big fight before considering marriage?

I have heard it many times: you need to go through a huge fight with your boyfriend before considering marriage, because that shows you that you guys can get through tough times together. I understand the reasoning behind it, but at the same time I find it a bit weird. For example, my boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage recently, and I think he might be proposing within the next year. We never really fight though, we re just both easy going and never really pick fights. I guess there just was never a situation that would cause us to fight. So does that mean we can't be sure our future will work out? That there is a possibility we are only doing well because we haven't faced any big problems together? I just feel like picking a fight just to prove a point is stupid, and it's not like you will just create circumstances to make you get into one - they are either there or not. I also don't want to wait like 5 years to marry someone because I am not sure how they will act in a bad situation. So I am wondering what are your thought: have you been in a relationship with no fights that led to a successful or unsuccessful marriage? Would you marry someone if you have never been through any real tough times with them?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's good to know how you two handle conflict but I don't think it's a requirement, some people just get along really well. My boyfriend and I never really fight, we've had a couple of small arguments but that's about it. If you haven't had a big fight it doesn't necessarily mean your relationship hasn't been tested and you should go and pick one just to see what happens. But if you have had a big fight and made it through to the other side then it's definitely a good indicator that you can handle the hardships of marriage.

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What Guys Said 3

  • It sure helps to go through adversity together..but I wouldn't deliberately provoke a fight just to try to get to a better place!

    Be happy you dont' have major family difficulties that would cause you to fight, nor has either of you looked too much at someone else...

    It means you are pretty compatible.

    Adversity will come in time, don't go courting it!

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  • It helps to know. I mean, you could be one of those crazy girls who gets into one fight and decides it's all over.

    That's definitely not marriage material.

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    • Lol yeah I agree, but I guess I am more on the opposite spectrum. I believe in true love, and I believe that marriage is something that should only happen once in a lifetime. My concern here is more that my boyfriend might be like that - think that just because we had a fight or I said something that made him mad, he might leave. And since marriage is so important to me, I don't want to get into such a big commitment without knowing he wants it for life too.

  • Why do women always think there is a need for unnecessary drama in relationships? My ex had the same theory and would pick fights with me every once in awhile just so we could say that we fought and she'd have something to bitch to her gf's about. She picked a big fight with me and it was the "prove myself" fight and want to know what I did? I packed up my stuff, wrote her a check for half the rent of our final month, and I moved out. I'm not dealing with a life of petty fights because it's "good to do" sometimes, so ya the big one ended it all.

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    • I am SO relieved that you said all this! I have the same thinking as you! Why would anyone pick a fight or create drama when there is really nothing to be upset about? My boyfriend and I get along great, if we disagree about something we talk it out, but neither one of us causes unnecessary drama - that's so high school! I don't like to fight, and it makes me sad to fight with anyone (family, friends, etc.) Can't imagine how bad it must feel to constantly fight with your partner!

      Thanks! :)

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    • I take it you aren't in a successful and happy relationship? Drama is an UNNECESSARY part of life. Period. Who wants to deal with that? For the record, I didn't throw in the towel after the first fight as I mentioned she started drama consistently and the "big fight" was the final straw.

    • Life isn't 100% rainbows, sunshine, and happiness. Maybe drama isn't necessary but it does happen. There are plenty of things in life that people don't want to deal with, like death, but it's unavoidable. People die eventually. Drama happens eventually. Being able to handle it well is what's important. And if you had read my answer you would know that I'm in a very happy, successful relationship :) And I don't care about what happened with your ex, I'm speaking about all relationships in general

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