Getting engaged to save a relationship?

I find myself in an interesting position. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. We met and started dating about a month later, 3 months later he moved in with me (yes I know its very soon).

He makes me incredibly happy and I know that this has real potential to continue in the same positive light.

Now the problematic part... My job requires me to move to a new country in January. I don't yet know where, but I know I will 100% have to leave. My boyfriend has already said he wants to come with me and we have both agreed to it. He has put things in motion to make sure that once we know where I am being relocated he can start applying for visas, jobs etc. However, his parents have been convincing him that we will have a lot of problems with visas. They are suggesting that we get ENGAGED to assist with visas.

Now don't take this as a question of whether or not I love him because I do and in no way shape or form do I want to break up. But I am simply not ready for a commitment as serious as engagement and I am 100% not comfortable with the idea of making that commitment just to get a visa.

I would prefer to try to get the visa the normal route and if it takes longer I am willing to try long distance. However, I think my boyfriend is very afraid of long distance and as a result will push the engagement idea if the visa applications become to complicated.

What do people think? What would you do in this situation? And most importantly, how do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to use engagement as a way to get a visa even if that means we spend maybe 3-6 months apart.

Updates:
thanks for all the input everyone. Will be speaking with him later this week. :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You did not state the countries involved.

    If you are going on a work visa, you may not be able to obtain a visa for another unless you are returning home.

    Simply put, you can not get a fiancée visa in the loop you are describing. If you are going to a very wealthy country you may not be able to have a boyfriend, period. Check your laws and pay much attention to what is called "Moral Turpitude" with reciprocity. Since The USA is an ass in dealing with foreigners, these other countries treat Americans like we treat them. Reciprocity. Moral Turpitude, you say the word "boyfriend" visa application is denied.

    Now lets talk about your relationship. You must be married for most countries and he travels as a spouse.

    Here is what you do. Your tone is that you don't want to get engaged now, the international law will tell him "no". First you must be a resident of your location, this alone will slow the process because you do not meet that requirement under any circumstance. A foreigner cannot sponsor another foreigner. Then you have your employer issuing documents under one set of guidelines and then you are trying to redirect what is seen as a benefit to another may be seen as a crime.

    There are many countries which do not require a visa. If he is staying with you for an extended period of time, he may need to show how he will support himself without a job. Your employer is supporting you not him. He will have to show savings and disposable income. You may not be able to issue an affidavit of support due to your employer and status.

    Good luck

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What Guys Said 6

  • Being engaged won't make any substantial difference in getting a Visa. Nothing short of actually getting married, which is a legally-binding status, would be. Being "engaged" is really a meaningless state of being as far as the government is concerned; it would be about as important as which sports teams you root for.

    And I agree that getting engaged for this reason is a huge mistake. You should get engaged because you INTEND TO MARRY THE GUY and for no other reason. If you are not ready for that, then there shouldn't even be any further discussion.

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  • Just be honest with him. You have to know it will hurt him no matter how you say it. All that matters to him is that you are together. He will get the feeling that you don't want tô be with him as badly as he wants to be with you.

    But in the end you have to be true to yourself. So let him know you want to get engaged just not now and not because of a visa. You want to get engaged the romantic way and if this means spending a little time apart then so be it but you want it dine right.

    Hope rhis helps

    Stuey

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  • as the other guys already said, engagement won't help in getting a visa, and that is exactly what you tell your boyfriend.

    if you want, you can back this up with proven info from the foreign country.

    i'm sure there is an official website,or a brochure that covers most stuff you need to know.

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  • Long distance relationship = dead relationship, try to get the visa witout engagement, and if that doesn't work, chose between break up or engagement. Sorry, only options.

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    • dont even know if being engaged helps getting a visa, however, the main point was, long distance relationship will cause most guys to break up or cheat, no matter HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU.

  • If you are not comfortable with the idea, don't do it.

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  • Danger Will Robinson danger

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you're in any way not ready to be engaged to this guy, then don't do it. Try the distance out. Distance is the true test to a relationship. I'm currently in a long distance relationship. Boyfriend is in Afghanistan and I'm in the US. We have a great relationship. You can't go into thinking that it's going to fail because it will. This is such a cheesy line, but distance really does make the heart grow fonder. Then, when you get to see him it just makes it that much better. If a relationship can't survive distance, then it shouldn't be a relationship. Hope this helps!

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