Not being invited to a close friend's wedding?

A friend of mine is getting married. We do are ( or were, or I tought we were) close, before she got engaged we used to talk everyday, go out, have a coffee just to catch up etc etc she got engaged and of course as they decided to get married in a couple of months she was very busy so we didn't meet up so much ( or at all ). I got a message about the bacheleorette party and went, there everybody was talking about the wedding, how toget there etc etc and I still didn't have any information. A couple of weeks went by and I still don't know anything about the wedding. The wedding is tomorrow and I was talking to another friend and told her I am not going as I was not invited. less than half an hour later I got a message from the bride saying she is so sorry but she just found my invite and must have forgot to give it to me, then told me that she and her future husband would be very delighted to have me there if I can make it with such short notice, I sent my congratulations but I am not going. My other friends that are going ( she came from my hometown and in the big city she didn't knew anybody and I introduced her to my friends and found her a job where I was getting promoted, this is the people that are invited to the wedding. She is going to have one with the family when she can go back to her country ) are quite surprised I am not going and ask me if something happened and to try and not be childish about it as is her big day and they are sure she'll want me there when I reply that I wasn't invited they answer it must be a mistake. It sounded fishy to me ( seeing her behavior during the past months after the engagement - the groom doesn't really like me, but never stopped us from going for a coffee or something ) that she found my invite just now, after I talked to a friend that is going. Plus this friend told me she called the bride and asked, while the bride told me she didn't talked with this friend and just realized her mistake. The wedding is tomorrow morning.

Is it normal that I feel so hurt and angry? Has it ever happened to you? What would you do in a similar situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry to hear this :(. It is very normal to feel like this and although it may seem childish I think you did the right thing. Usually with weddings you need to RSVP your invitation so that catering numbers are known and seating arrangements can be done. The manner in which your "invitaion" was found was suspicious. I would just buy them a gift and a card and just wish them well. Maybe your relationship can be repaired later, but right now it is perfectly normal toi want to distance yourself from them.

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What Guys Said 1

  • This is certainly suspicious. Your sense of betrayal is understandable. The question now is what you want for the future. If you don't go, you are making a statement to her that the friendship is over. If that's what you want, then there's no point in going. If you would like the friendship to continue (or be restored) it's best to go. Going won't ensure this. Maybe there is something going on. Is the friendship worth the risk to you?

    If she did not want you at the wedding, your mutual friends would have noticed your absence anyway. What would she have have to gain by inviting you against her will when it was brought to her attention? This seems to be room for plenty of doubt that malice was behind this.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I definitely think you have a right to feel hurt and a bit betrayed. This is someone who you spent a significant amount of time with and were seeing on a regular basis. When all of a sudden they are getting married, things start to get more distant, you see each other less.

    I'm not 100 percent sure of your friend's invite, as to whether she actually found it and forgot to mail it or if it was simply a last minute decision when she heard through other people you were disappointed that she was not inviting you.

    The truth is, people do forget. And maybe she was embarrassed that she had forgot to invite you. It is possible that it did slip her mind, especially if she has a huge guest list. I know it's not much consolation to you, because it hurts to feel unimportant to someone who was once a dear friend of yours.

    But the best you can do is to try not to let it bother you too much. Talk to her after the wedding. Maybe send a nice card and a gift. Set up a time to meet with her to talk about what happened. Maybe she did honestly forget, or maybe she felt as though you two weren't close anymore so she didn't invite you.

    I haven't been invited to any of my friend's weddings or baby showers. I also felt upset about it too, because we were once so close. but sometimes people feel more comfortable around others in the same situation. Are these other people married or engaged as well? This could be another possibility.

    Whatever the case, you have to think about whether you want to risk losing a friend over this misunderstanding. My advice, talk to her first. Find out why you were not invited to her wedding and go from there.

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