What's your take on "Girls Night Out" for a couple that's engaged to be married?

My buddy has been engaged for about a year and have about another year to go before they tie the knot. His girlfriend and him are a great couple and I've known her for 2 years since they got together. The problem he's been having is with her girls nights out which she goes on every other week and he's not invited to.

She typically goes out with the same group of 4 friends to clubs and gets back home late - maybe 2 or 3 am. This has been bothering him lately and even after bringing up his concerns with her, she has not stopped. He is not the kind of guy to push hard or get angry. But he told me that he is getting close to ending the engagement as he feels that they are not compatible and that she is obviously being disrespectful and acting inappropriately.

I think that she is being immature and treating her fiance with no respect. Going out to clubs with her single friends to clubs regularly is very immature. What do you guys think?

  • She is acting inappropriately.
    17% (1)25% (2)21% (3)Vote
  • He is insecure and possessive.
    83% (5)75% (6)79% (11)Vote
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Updates:
He is cool with her going to spas, the movies, sightseeing or other places where the primary activity is not grinding or hookups. Her friends are the typical NYC 25-30 year olds who hookup with different guys almost every other week. The rest of them go out twice a week on Friday and Saturday but she joins them once every other week since her fiance and her have been fighting about it ever since he heard about their clubbing and drinking sessions from his coworkers.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree she ought to stop her single behavior now that she's engaged seriously.

    It is disrespectful to him, and shows she has hot made a commitment to him even though they're formally engaged.

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    • This isn't just 'girls' night out'. That might be movies and dinner. This is 'single girls' night out', going out to a pick up scene until 2 pr 3 am

      THAT isn't appropriate under a 'girls night out' excuse.

    • I agree with Funkster. Girls should have their time, but shouldn't be behaving as if they were single.

      Guys don't do this kind of thing when they're married; at least , they hadn't oughta!

    • Thanks for the Mhelpful, bro!

What Girls Said 5

  • I think when it comes down to it, we really have no way of knowing if her behavior is inappropriate. Maybe she is just going out and dancing with her gf's?

    I would be hesitant to accuse her of cheating, since we don't know if that's even true. I think your friend is being insecure and needs to deal with those emotions.

    The fact his, his fiancée has a right to go out and see her friends. Yes her friends are single, but that doesn't mean she is automatically trying to hook up with guys.

    Also, the reason he is not invited is because it's a girls night. I understand that he wants to spend time with his fiancée, but she should still be allowed to see her friends. Just because her friends are single, doesn't mean she is doing anything inappropriate. Her friends won't be single forever, eventually they will find guys too and get married and have kids. So this isn't going to last forever.

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  • She has every right to go hang out with her friends. Girls night out is an essential thing for us! Sometimes we just need to dress up and go out with our girlfriends. Of course her fiance isn't invited.. then it wouldn't be a girls night. :P

    The fact that this is making him question their whole engagement is just crazy. She's not being disrespectful or untrustworthy. She's just having some regular girl time. Maybe he should invest in some guy time.

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    • @Update: Going to clubs doesn't necessarily mean grinding or hookups. When I go clubbing, I just want to have fun dancing with my friends. I don't even talk to strange guys. How does your friend know his fiance is any different?

  • I've been married about 5 years now, I have girls nights out and my husband has guys nights out as well. The girls and myself usually change things up, go out dancing at a bar, spas, movies or go outta town for the day or night. My husband and guys rather go shot some pool at the bar, sit at one of the homes drinking or poker, go outta town for different thing camping, fishing or this resort we all like, we also sometimes go out all together. It's pretty normal stuff for the people I know.

    I did have one friend that had restrictions on her nights out, and her husband always accused her of cheating, I was with knew she never did and we tried to reassure him but it didn't work. Funny thing is it turned out he was cheating on her, they are divorced now.

    Every relationship is different guess they will have to talk more and maybe your friend will need to make what is insecurities are very verbal so they can discuss them and a compromise.

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  • What's your take on "Girls Night Out" for a couple that's engaged to be married?

    B: He is insecure and possessive.

    What do you guys think?

    I think it's probably tit for tat since likely the guy hangs out with his friends.

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  • He is insecure and possessive

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What Guys Said 5

  • Everyone needs ME TIME and TIME WITH ONLY THEIR FRIENDS in a relationship. Neither couple should lose their friends, because of a relationship. Both him and her, should have one day a week for this.

    THAT SAID, going to clubs and partying until the early morning hours is NOT spending quality time with friends, its setting up the person, even with the best morals and intentions, to cheat or do something or appear to do something wrong that will destroy the relationship. It is immature, irresponsible and especially if they know that its bothering the partner and they continue, shows no respect or concern for their partners feelings.

    If he or she goes out with friends, it should be to lunch, shopping, working on a car or crafts, tennis, fishing or something like that.

    From what you have wrote, I personally would end the relationship, because people don't change, They pretend to, they say they will, but its part of their personality and to this day I haven't seen it happen yet. Better to deal with it now than after you are married. Divorce is 10x worse.

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  • As I had said earlier, if you want to go dancing, then take your boyfriend, but going to a bar or dance with your single girlfriends who are out to pick someone up is asking for trouble and making guys think you are trolling for fresh meat. Yes going to a spa, sight seeing, tennis etc is OK. to do with your friends. This is why I understand why the Boyfriend is upset.

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  • it is not immature to go out to a club and dance or whatever it is they like to do. Explain to me what makes it immature?

    Is it any more immature than guys sitting in front of a TV and watching guys play games (which by the way I love doing)? Or people going out to a bar?

    I think it's fine if he wants a wife who stays home with him every night but I think it's unfair to caste dispersion on someone for their innocent pleasures. end the engagement because they aren't compatible but she is not being disrespectful or acting inappropriately she is simply engaging in entertainment.

    honestly I think it's a bit overprotective in chauvanistic to think that a woman going out and having fun with her friends is disrespectful...

    now if she was out flirting with dudes, getting numbers or stuff like that maybe you could say she was acting inappropriately but you've only described her goign out and having a good time

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    • re: update... so she has compromised and doesn't go out as often as the rest of her friends. so where is he going to compromise? He assumes that clubs are primarily for grinding and hooking up. But many people especially women don't see it that way. Perhaps she just likes to dance with or without guys, perhaps she just wants to be able to meet up with her girls and have a few drinks...he projects the negative aura on the activity based not on his fiances actions but his own opinions

  • A "girls night out" ever other week is not inappropriate or immature for someone to went to have some "me" time without there S.O. Relationships need this kind of thing.

    Seems there is a trust issue and that needs to be dealt with before they get married.

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  • It shouldn't be a problem, as long as she's not doing anything to put herself in trouble.

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