Why won't my husband go down on me?

My husband rarely goes down on me. He says that he forgets and nothings wrong with me. I feel that he is lying. I've never had a complaint once from past relationships. I found old messages from the past about how he would always go down on the girls he use to date. Now we even rarely have sex. I recently also been catching him looking at nudes. Now it really hurts me because I'm pregnant. Any advice on this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Obviously, it's because he doesn't want to.

    I've never "forgotten" to go down on a girl; that's like forgetting to breathe.

    I don't know what his issue with giving you oral is (only he can answer that), but clearly he has an issue. Here are some common reasons (excuses?) guys give for not giving oral:

    - They don't like the taste/smell, and think it's gross.

    - They don't know what to do, and are afraid you'll find out they don't know, and thus aren't a "stud."

    - They are afraid of vaginas (early childhood trauma, possibly sexual abuse, etc.)

    - They had a bad experience previously (girl had bad hygiene, bacterial infection, STD, etc.)

    - They think it isn't manly/macho to give oral, and that "people will think they are a pvssy."

    Some guys get weirded out about having sex with pregnant girls, but it sounds like this problem pre-dated the pregnancy, so I don't think that's the issue here.

    Like most relationship issues, especially sex-related ones, you really need to TALK TO HIM about it and find out how he really feels. You need to get him to tell you the truth, even if you feel hurt by the truth, because you won't be able to solve the problem unless you can be honest with each other about it. Often, the actual "problem" is minor and easily solved, but the fear from the people involved make the whole thing much bigger of a deal than it really is.

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What Guys Said 34

  • Start with confronting him one more time. Ask him if there's anything he'd like you to do to have him be more interested in doing it. Get really sexy and affectionate with him when doing so. Start asking him if he'd like you to put perfume on your inner thighs (and point to them, while sliding your hand up and down your body), ask him if he wants you to shave more (or less) down there, or if he'll help you. Make it a seduction (just ignore the pregnancy, do it like you're not pregnant) and caress him and his penis when you're doing it.

    Then, if that doesn't work or ends in sex without oral, or he just say's 'no, there's nothing,' or something like that, just stand up in front of him, lift your skirt or drop your pants, and tell him to suck your pu$$y right now (or depending on the surroundings, lay down and spread eagle). Just tell him if there's nothing the matter, than you want him to do it now and he'd better make you moan like he's never had before (or scream, depending on if you're a moaner or a screamer). Some guys just need some direct encouragement, even if that isn't the normal dynamic of the relationship (sometimes ESPECIALLY if it isn't).

    You could also try to make it a challenge for him. Tell him that if he gives you multiples while going down on you, you'll blow him while he's watching some of those nude chicks he's been watching (or any pron). Tell him you'll let him come on your t*ts, or some other unusual thing that he's maybe hinted at or suggested that you generally aren't interested in. He does for you, you go the extra mile for him.

    Either or both should be effective.

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  • you found old messages about his sexual past? what he keeps these on tab somewhere?

    Do you ever ask him to go down on you when you are in the act? It seems like absolute bullsh*t that he simply forgets. It's more likely that he may just not like doing it or there may be some specific reason why he doesn't like doing it with you.

    I think you should tell him that forgetting isn't a pretty rubbish excuse and ask him to be honest. as far as your waning sex life that seems to be fairly common in marriages (unfortunately) and I think it is something you need to discuss with him to figure out if there is an underlying reason he seems less sexually active or if it is something you both need to work on

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  • hygiene is important. if you are sure that's not the problem, it could be the 'typical male' thing. Going down on women is difficult. We generally have no idea what we are doing, it's awkward, and it can get messy (if we do things right). I've known girls that actually get off from sucking c*ck - but the inverse is impossible for men. At best it can get us teased up, but even that requires us to be in a certain state of mind.

    Like everything else, it's something that requires practice, and lots of it. So, he has to want to do it - it could simply be something he is neutral on, which is not sufficient.

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  • people do get bored, you know...and now that you're pregnant, and not available )or likely very interested) for sex, he will tend to think more about other women; it's totally normal.

    Be glad he's looking at pictures, and not staying out late in bars!

    You have a lot bigger concerns now; don't worry about these issues.

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  • Simple solution to the eating:Next time he is interested in sex,tell him you don't feel horny but he might change your mind by eating you.

    Dealing with his lost sex drive could be a problem.At that age,he should be wanting sex twice day.It sounds like he's out of condition,or he's found someone else.

    Asuming that he is faithful,you can only work on getting him healthy.Good food,the right food,and plenty of exercise.Maybe you could slip a few supplements into his dinner;horny-goatweed or something.

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  • You note that you rarely have sex.

    My impression is that the less horny people are, the more vanilla they get.

    I'd say the lack of going down is a symptom of his lower enthusiasm for sex in general.

    Has this been mainly since you were pregnant, or what?

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  • It might be a problem that you are pregnant and thts why he is not liking it going down down down. After your delivery he will be normal have faith on him. But if it is happening before your pregnancy there it is doubtful. In that case, might be possible that he is still with someone and enjoying there, but not able to make you happy. If that is so you can talk to him. I think you should wait till delivery then you can talk to him. He is your husband you can do at least this to him

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  • Has it happened since you've been pregnant? Some guys are weirded out at the idea of sticking theird***near their unborn child. It's completely irrational but everyone has irrational thoughts from time to time.

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  • Honestly some guys find it gross, just like some girls finding giving BJs gross. It's horrible to say, but a lot of guys find pregnancy to be quite unattractive. I don't know how else to say it.

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  • Eventually things like these loses it's luster. But I would try reading sex books and see what can you do to reignite your sex life.

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  • Did he used to go down on you before you became pregnant?

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  • Hes not a man lol. jk that was a bit much... If it annoys you that much then when your engaged it in tell him so.

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  • The pregnancy could be the issue. Perhaps he has some ignorance about the process and might be disgusted by it.

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  • It probably has a lot to do with your being married; people seems to quit trying once they're married.

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  • 1 or 2 things he's either cheating or doesn't find you attractive anymore so he looks for other woman, make yourself look good, try to get him in the mood

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  • Maybe he's afraid to eat the baby.

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  • yea what if he's licking you down there and accidentally licks too deep or something and pokes the babies head x) hahaha

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  • At your age and pregnant, you guys should see a counsellor pretty damn quick!

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  • OMG ! , Wait till you have the baby screaming all night , If he is checking out nudes , join him then . Ruse

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  • Often, guys don't like having sex with a pregnant woman, for whatever reason. Is this something you really want to fight him about? I would just leave it, and see if when you have the baby, the sex increases again

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  • Probably he thinks he gonna hurt baby :D

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  • just don't talk about it and do it.

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  • he doesn't like eating it. nothing wrong in preferences, is there?

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  • if you have hair down there shave it an try having a 69 with him see what he does

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  • Is that because he's your husband? Did he try harder before marriage?

    Also, I've heard of women being hornier while pregnant... so your feelings might be understandable.

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  • My mouth and throat is 50% ulcer.

    Also, just to recall you that love is about giving not receiving, if you think something is wrong you should speak to him not to us.

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  • he know that its nasty to eat a girl out

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  • Maybe because your pregnant he finds you less desirable. Sorry it sounds harsh but it could be the problem

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  • I don't know nothing about your past, but to take a guess, do you think he's getting revenge because maybe when you first met him, you thought he wasn't your type, then later on you change your mind about him. He might of had more of a crush on you compared to you had with him.

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  • How far along are you?

    Does he make you go down on him?

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What Girls Said 4

  • Are you clean enough down there? When he went down on you in the past how was his reaction? About him looking at nudes maybe he doesn't want to pressure you to pleasure him so he just find something else to entertain his horniness.As long as he isn't cheating then it would be fine but I can see how it offends you.

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  • Just tell him straight up, that you don't believe that he is forgetting and there is something different .. :) Just so you don't have to go thinking about it all the time .. so frustrating for you :)

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  • No offense hun, but I keep my vagi hairy, trimmed at most, but even then, I'm afraid to have sharp objects too close to my labia and the opening of my vag and even my boyfriend will go down there and do the business. Sooo...not a good sign : / ask him directly why.

    Be honest, if not with me then with yourself, do you keep it clean? Has he ever been down there when it was musty or maybe you had a yeast infection and there was a funky odor?

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    • Oh yes I take care of my self very well. No hair always clean myself down there. I'm very confident about that so I just don't understand it you know?

    • well why don't you just ask him?

  • Idk that's weird, if he did it in the past. Maybe he never enjoyed it with them and he feels like he could get away with it

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