My boyfriend is so lazy then gets stressed and withdraws when I try to push him to do things

He does this when I want him to get another job he hates his job complains all the time but then doesn't put in the full effort to nod another job. He doesn't have a degree like me he lives at home be always been the breadwinner even after I got laid off and now work as a temp I make more than him. I want this to change I'm tired of helping him his parents try to push him and I've every said if you want a future with me you work to change now. Yet he half listens to me then says he's stressed and plays video games instead I always am the one that pays for him for drinks dinner etc. I love him a lot don't get me wrong but I'm not his doormat either. I wanna make this work but what can I do to push him harder I feel bad when he gets mad at me but I stand my ground and tell him that this is what he wants me to do and I'm doing it I even sent him a screenshot of the convo he said nothing probably because I am right. I just want him to change. I see people my age or younger getting engaged ns I see myself with my lazy boyfriend who won't change anything to fix himself financially. Then I grow resentment to people who are engaged my biological clock is tickling yet he won't budge I will not say yes unless he makes major changes and a more steady income I have told him this before too and that if nothing changes I'll leave him and I don't want to do that I just want my boyfriend to get off his ass change his life so we can have a happier life together financially. He makes me happy he treats me right I just hate this lazy boyfriend he turned into lately. :(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them."

    If his parents couldn't get him to change his ways, it's foolish to think you can do it. You consider him lazy and his parents probably do too. I hope he isn't being told this to his face, because that is the last thing you want to say to someone to motivate them.

    At any rate, I don't think he's going through a phase. There are some people who have a go-getter spirit, some who simply coast through life and others who have a loser mentality. It usually takes a life changing event to get them to change their mind set.

    He complains and does nothing. That is the guy you're with. Rather than trying to figure out how to smack the laziness out of him, you have to make the decision in whether or not you want to continue carrying him. You have been supporting him all this time and have been trying to help. After you've done all you can, you have to figure out what is best for you. Carrying him around when he's acting like dead weight isn't a good situation for you.

    Whether or not you love him is beside the point. The one you're with should be a partner, someone you can count on, someone you can lean on and help propel you to bigger and better things. If you wouldn't hang around with mooching, complaining, lazy friends, you shouldn't be with one you call your boyfriend.

    There's no changing him. You can't control that. But you can control your own situation. You have two choices.

    1. Suck it up and take him as he is.

    2. Drop that zero and get you a hero, however difficult it may seem.

    Ultimatums don't work, so don't try that route. Rather, consider raising your standards. All persons who do not meet the criteria must be removed, and that includes family, friends, boyfriends and career.

    I hope you can be strong enough to do what is necessary to get what you feel you deserve.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well now you're learning that you can't change someone into something they don't want to be without just getting frustrated yourself.

    Why you choose to stay with someone who isn't satisfying your needs is your business.

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  • i'm surprised you have put up with this crap from him the entire time, is he unemployed or when you mean you want him to get another job, do you mean you want him to get a second job?

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  • Why do guys like that get girls like you? FML!

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  • He's obviously feeling depressed about his situation. When you're depressed you feel no motivation to do anything - and you can't just "snap out of it" and "think positive". He uses the video games to deal with it, it's an escape from reality. He's not just lazy...

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What Girls Said 0

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