The Past Caught up to us......

I have been dating a guy for a little over a year. He is 46 and I am 35. I have an issue however that recently came up about 4 months ago. I found out that 3 years ago he had been with a minor. Someone who was 15. He swears to me that they did not have sex however he saw her more than one time. I feel so confused. It really bother me because I had been molested as minor and raped and it just feels so different now when I am with him. We have been thinking about marriage and I am not sure if this is something I want to do. What makes this situation difficult is that. Prior to me finding this out I was very much in love with him. I am still in love just the situation got sticky. I do not know if I should let it go? He was very embarrassed when I found out and cried and said it was something he could not just bring up to me. I judge everything he does now and watch him like a hawk. I don’t want to live my life like this. This is a subject I refuse to tell my friends or family because I do not want them to view him any differently. I am unsure if I am feeling like this because it’s fairly new? CONFUSED! And just a side note…I have never in my life been treated any better than with him. So it makes it that much tougher.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would love to say let the past be the past and move on... because that's when you do when you find out about the past. But that's when finding out about the past is finding out that he got a hooker or had an orgy.

    He dated a child. I was molested as a child too. I hate that guy. And I knew his wife didn't know, but I always wondered how she could love someone who was so terrible.

    I couldn't do it if I were you. He would always be gross to me. Everyone makes mistakes, but he dated a child. All I can think about is my sister. I could never date someone who was with someone my 14 year old sisters age. And I am only 20. It's just too damn weird.

    I guess you'll just have to decide if it's something you can get over. If it's something you want to get over. Is it worth it to you? Don't even discuss the marriage aspect of the relationship until the current issue is resolved. I don't know if you have kids or if you are planning to have kids but wouldn't that always be in the back of your mind? Around your neices and nephews? Around cousins? Around your friends' children? It IS a big deal. You just need to decide if it's something you can look passed.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It's disturbing, no matter how nice he has been to you and how well he has treated you. She was just a child, not even near jailbait. Honestly, it's having damaging affects on your relationship with him and how you view him. This will not end obviously because you either find it morally wrong, or just plain disturbing. If you can't get over this, then it's best to leave him. We all have boundaries we cannot cross, and once we do, you cannot go back. Think about that.

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  • "I have never in my life been treated any better than with him" -- Words to my ears, your speaking of actions he does for you. In no way do I support his actions with the 15 year old. So this situation is VERY hard.

    - If I were in your shoes, I would cut the strand wanting marriage, but I wouldn't cut off the relationship ; maybe over time he will prove he isn't like your feeling he is ^_^

    In the end, if I had a feeling he really did do it (which I do) -- I would break up with him. 3 years ago, and a minor?There's shouldnt even be an assumption - the guy is twice her age hun =(

    If your this in love with him, test it out and see how the water is before you dive in~

    ~ArtistBBoy

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    • Thank you.

    • My pleasure ^_^ Good luck with how things go, if I may help further let me know~

      ArtistBBoy

What Girls Said 4

  • Hmm. This is quite the predicament. A girl of 15 is not ok at all and to be honest if this is something that you cannot get over than I would leave. I would have to talk to him about this and find out more about his thinking because in my eyes that is still a child. There is no way she could be compatible. It's just...I couldn't do it no matter how nice he is and how well he treats you.

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  • in my opinion if he doesn't admit and prove that he knows he was wrong to be interested in a 15 year old, there is no future for your relationship. try to put your pesonal feelings aside with your past and think about other 40+ year old men and how you would view them if they were dating a teenager. could you be their friend, support them? would it change your opinion of them?

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  • Can I just say that is disgusting? Like, there's no excuse for a man having a relationship with a minor young enough to be his daughter. What kind of a father do you think he will be? And surely your past will affect your marriage as well. I'm 20 and nowhere close to marriage, so I'm sure my opinion is vastly different from a more mature perspective than mine, but personally I would find that horrifying and repulsive if a love interest of mine had done that before. It sounds like a tough decision, because it seems like you have a strong emotional connection to him. Honestly, I don't know any advice to offer you just an opinion.

    Also, you said, "I don't want to live my life like this." There is no reason you should.

    Good luck

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  • Do not marry him.

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