Why does my fiancee always puts me second to his immediate family?

My fiancée always puts his immediate family before me. Recently he had to choose between going to his sister's college graduation and mine and he choose he sister's. I was really hurt that he basically put me second best to his family. I would understand this if he was still my boyfriend but he is now my fiancée. I thought that once we take that step I am his main priority and vice versa since we are making a commitment to each other to spend the rest of our lives together. Just to be clear I am not saying that he can never prioritize his family I expect him to sometimes but not to put me second best, ya know? I understand the importance of family but recently he went on a family vacation (when we were engaged) and I was not invited and he didn't even insist that I come or stand up for me, what gives? I would have paid my own way completely and there was enough room for me to go. My family has always included him in everything vacations and all. My mom says the fact that he didn't choose to go to my college graduation and that he didn't stand up for me in regards to the family vacation speaks volumes regarding if he is really ready to take the plunge. Other then this family issue our relationship is great we hardly ever fight and he is respectful towards me and my feelings. He is very responsible and everything. I don't know why he is showing such a strong attachment to his family and putting me second.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Here is a crazy idea. Ask him...talk to him. I've been with my significant other for 9 years now. You can't make a successful relationship that does not involve honesty and communication from both parties. I would choose how you phrase your question though. Don't ask "Why do you always put your family before me?" I can almost guarantee that will put him on the defensive. Instead try a more subtle yet still honest approach. "(Insert pet name here), I feel like there are times that I'm not as important as your immediate family. Like when your family went on vacation and I wasn't invited. I was wondering why I wasn't."

    Then listen to him. Honestly don't be surprised if he says something like. "Well I didn't think you would want to go." It may be that he has very strong family values and a strong family bond. If that's the case remind him that when the two of you got engaged that you essentially agreed to become a family together. Then tell him that sharing in him your soon-to-be in-laws family events with him is important to you.

    Lastly don't assume your man knows that something is important to you. Make sure that if something is important to you that you express that to him and that his participation in whatever event that may be is important to you.

    Don't know if any of this helps or not but I wish you well in your engagement and may you two work everything out and be happy with one another.

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