Why has he suddenly changed his mind about marriage?'

My boyfriend and I are very close. We are going on a year and three months. We used to talk about having kids and getting married all the time. He has always made an effort to do things for me and be very sweet and kind. Lately though, there seems to be something else going on. Whenever I bring up marriage, he quickly changes the subject or makes an excuse. First, he wanted to get engaged before we get a house together, then it was two years. Now he has pushed the time back to 3 and a half years at least. All of my friends are getting married, and he says I have engagement fever. I just tell him it is something to think about because we have been together and we should at least be able to talk about it. He just gets mad or ignores when I try to talk and falls asleep on me. He has also been acting a lot different too. Like for the first time ever he wanted to have sex in the dark. He also wanted to come inside me which he has never wanted to before. I am on birth control but he has always made an effort to pull out. He did start a new job so maybe that is bothering him too. He just doesn't seem as lovey as usual and seems like something is bothering him. He says I've been acting different Because I keep talking about marriage because all my friends are getting married. The only other thing I can think of is he constantly talks about this girl at work he works with. I know she is married though and he says she's fat. I really hope he isn't cheating on me. We live together and I never see texts on his phone or anything. Can marriage talk make a man act differently? Only other thing I can think of is his ex pushed marriage and he got engaged to her then she broke up with him. Could that have anything to do with it either?

Updates:
It definitely was marriage fever. We talked about it, he wants to marry me but felt I was putting too much pressure on him. He is more cautious because of his ex and wants to wait another year or so before we get engaged. He wants to save up for a very nice ring, get a nice house instead of living in an apartment like we do now, and wants to pay off all debt before settling down. I think he is very smart and responsible. Let my emotions get in the way. Ha!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • We can't change or modify others unless they want to be changed or modified. If he doesn't (or no longer does) act like the father of your future children, you have a duty to let him go. One set down and talk session is in order. If he evades you, you have your answer. And sex is a reward by a woman for a stable, committed relationship. If he no longer gives you one, sex needs to stop. If he complains about that but remains unwilling to open up to you about why his treatment of you has changed, it's time to go.

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What Guys Said 2

  • He might just be finding out the truth about marriage,and he may not be ready for that.

    Marriage is the surest way to kill a woman's sex drive and end a man's sex life.The more secure the marriage is,the more likely it will happen.

    At least 50% of women will despise their husband within 4 years of marriage,and they're likely to be looking for a divorce at about 8 years.Most of these women won't know why,and can't give their husband a reason for it.

    1/2 of those women will be cheating at about 5 years.

    Maybe he doesn't feel lucky,or feel it's worth the risk.

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  • Most girls your age do get marriage fever, you see your friends doing it, so you want to do it.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It's only a year and three months! If you're not engaged, no need to talk about marriage. Focus on your relationship not a legal bond tied to a piece of paper. You're probably freaking him out. ESPECIALLY because of his ex.

    I don't understand why women care about marriage so much. Lighten up!

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  • This often happens after the excitement and newness of a relationship gets older. He is complacent as he is getting his pussy, you and still no real responsibility that marriage brings into it.

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  • My boyfriend is the same way! He would talk about it before, now he just avoids the subject. It's hard not to bring it up when EVERYONE you know is either getting married or having kids. I think when they realize things are getting to that point they take a step back and reexamine everything. Well, that's what I've been told by other guys. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and as far as we've gotten is living together. But your boyfriend got burnt once, maybe he's afraid it will happen again. Plus you said he started a new job and that might be a lot of stress on him.

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    • Ya your probably right. We have been fighting a lot lately. We never used to but lately it feels like he's not supportive and keeps blaming me for everything. He gets really defensive too. Sometimes I wonder if he's not bipolar.

    • He's probably stressed, if he started acting like this now and not earlier. Try to do something for him that will help relieve stress for him, hopefully that will save you from a few arguments.

  • Yeah, the ex thing could have something to do with it.

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  • One of my closest friends is getting married this year, and I'm a bridesmaid. This has really sparked marriage talk with my boyfriend, even though I know that we can't get married soon since we're not financially stable. I haven't noticed him getting annoyed with me talking about marriage, and I bring it up basically every other day.

    I think your boyfriend thinks it's too soon for marriage, and he might feel anxious about it. IT doesn't mean he's cheating.

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  • He likely doesn't want to make the same mistake he did with his ex; he wants to be sure.

    It's only been a little over a year. Focus on having a healthy relationship and enjoying it. Don't let the pressure of marriage ruin it.

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