How do I stop putting people into a future husband role?

Meaning, how do I stop catching feelings for a person because they have a few traits that I'm looking for in a future husband? I swore to myself not to fall for this guy yet. I don't even know him that well. I'm still in the getting to know process. But he has like a couple of traits that would make him a great father to my kids in the future and he seems to be dependable and reliable. He's protective of me, gives great advice, helps me when I need help, and we have intellectual conversations.

However, because I subconsciously and consciously think about him as a husband...that's when I start becoming clingy. I'm trying to break this habit. When I get attached to someone, I want to see them a lot or talk a lot. I absolutely hate talking on the phone but if it's someone I'm attracted to and can picture a future with them, I'll make an exception to talk to them. BUT I also expect the person to make exceptions for me and talk to me daily too. Anyway, I can feel myself getting clingy with this guy because I've texted him 3 days in a row first because I want to hear his views on something or get his advice with something. I hate having to be the first one to text or call because it lets me know the guy is losing interest. I know he's been busy though writing a thesis paper and doing a project for college but I'm sad because we don't finish our conversations.

He's busy, I'm not--I want him to drop everything and talk to me ONLY. I get in that selfish mode which makes me become clingy. Anyway, how do I stop putting this guy as a future husband when we haven't even dated yet? We're in the talking/seeing each other process but we haven't gone on a date yet.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Maybe you need professional therapy, this kind of thing isn't solvable with just a tip. You must recognize the core of what's happening in you. Why are you doing this? What are you fearful about? Has your behavior worsened as time goes by? What do your boyfriends have in common? Are they really husband material? Are you trying to correct them? There's too much space for this issue just to be discussed here. Because you use other tools rather than direct communication like you being clingy it's very possible there's some issue you have unresolved. This may be as little as just an attention getter or as big as the previous questions tried to dig down.

    Hope my answer helps.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sweetie, you will never get him on a date if you continue the path you are taking. Men do not like clingy, possessive, obsessive girls, and when you find yourself being the first one to always text or call, he IS getting "not MORE into you," and "cold feet" to boot. I realize you are looking for the perfect man, and are seeking certain perfect traits in him, and want to hang on to dear life when you think you have attracted him--and then attached yourself to him. But just because you are totally ready for a long term commitment, doesn't mean HE is. Many men today are sporadic, unpredictable, non committal, too busy with everything but being busy with YOU, and just use you for friends, with benefits. You need to talk to yourself NOW, and tell yourself to cool it, relax, let him do the chasing(be that apple up at the top of the tree hardest to grab), and be smart about dating--and "mating." You say you are sad because this new guy and you don't finish your conversations? It's because HE is NOT taking the initiative to 'let it happen." Simple as that. He has better things to do, although blah, blah, blah, "college projects and thesis paper", and what have you. It's an excuse to "blow you off" at the moment, and that is a "red sign" that this could be start of a pattern he may do with you, once he would start dating you---or a sign he may just continue for awhile, to talk but NOT, go on that first date. Let him do the texting next time. Take a breather, and wait for him. Go slow from then on.

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