Would you be happy with a wife who didn't work?

My sister told me today that after she and her fiance get married, she is planning on staying at home. They never plan to have kids. He's already had a vasectomy because neither want children. She hasn't told him yet, which is why she was telling me. She wanted me to tell her how to tell him what she plans to do.

I completely disagree with her deciding to just stay at home and not work. I'd have no issue with it whatsoever if they were having kids, and she was going to be a stay at home mom. She just wants to be a stay at home wife while he works.

I couldn't give her advice since I don't agree with her decision. But I decided (and I am going to let her read this) to ask on this site how men would feel about this option. I get the feeling her fiance won't be too happy with the decision considering he has issue with stay at home moms past the one year maternity leave. So I doubt he'll like her decision.

Updates:
A bit of an update, she disagrees with every opinion on here. She's the baby of the family though, she's used to being spoiled or having people do things for her. Up until last year I was paying her cell phone bill for her until she got engaged to her fiance. I let my parents talk me into doing it, and I got stuck with a 3 year contract. But she's never really worked hard in her life and she's 21. She says she can get by on her looks to the people on here.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She hasn't told him this and they are getting married? That's not good. Marriage should involve communication. She needs to be honest with her fiancĂ©e about her decision to stay home after getting married.

    She can't just spring it on him after they get married. He has a right to know what she plans to do. And it should be a joint decision between the two.

    I agree with you, if I wasn't having kids, I would probably want to work. I mean, if her husband was wealthy enough that they didn't need the money then fine. But what is she going to do with herself while he is at work? You can only cook and clean so much before you start to go stir crazy.

    I'm not really one to judge, perhaps she has a bunch of hobbies she wants to do? Heck, I would love to be a stay at home wife, but I would have kids to take care of though. And I would be doing lots of hobbies, like gardening, repairing things at home, taking care of pets, basically keeping myself pretty busy.

    But I probably won't because it's hard to only live off one income.

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    • No he's definitely not wealthy. He's not poor, but I know I make more than him because he was trying to get me to help him get a job at my place since we basically do the same thing. And I make enough that I am comfortable supporting myself. And yes, she wants to wait until after they're married before she tells him. She's been spoiled most of her life, she's the baby in the family.

    • That's really sad. I mean she should be able to tell someone who she is Marrying how she truly feels. I'm really not sure what to do. It's not really for you to tell him, but she should be telling him this herself for sure.

    • Well I'm not sure what's going to happen now. My oldest sister told him what's going on. He isn't too happy. He hasn't said the wedding is off exactly but that there is a break on their wedding plans. He isn't too happy at all. I didn't want to say anything, even though he had the right know because I didn't feel it was place. I don't think it was my older sisters place either, but she and my younger sister don't get along at all. She doesn't want her having a free ride.

What Guys Said 17

  • Well she and really the two of them should have had discussions about this kind fo stuff at some point in the relationship already.

    i think the fact is if she thinks that she is just going to laze about the house as a spoiled housewife unless the guy she is with is OK with it she will be for a rude awakening.

    the fact that she is the youngest does explain a little in terms of her outlook on things. I would be fine with my wife not working (even if we didn't have kids) if she found productive things to do with her time, clean, cook, volunteer, or something. But if my fiance thought she was just going to have a free ride in the relationship there would have to be some other massively amazing redeeming qualities

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  • No. Not if she wasn't at home raising the children or milking the chickens and bringing in the cow eggs every morning. If she worked they could retire so much earlier than if she didn't or go on more or better vacations. That's just a stupid financial decision, and a selfish one. My wife is a stay-at-home mom but is there for our young children. We struggle for money. Bet your ass she'd be working if we didn't have kids so we could retire at 65. I'll now be working well into my 70s, perhaps beyond. Dumb.

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    • Re: Update - I'm the youngest too. Tell her she's a spoiled brat. Some day her looks will fade and she'll look like crap, then what? Tell her to get a grip on reality and "man up", carry her own weight in this world. If she wants welfare tell her to marry a man who doesn't work. But I sure as shit despise supporting her because she's f*cking lazy.

      I'd kick my wife out of the house if she had the attitude and ideas your sister does. She makes me want to puke. There's a name for women like her.

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    • My oldest sister tells her that all the time, but she doesn't listen. My oldest sister is 33 and has no patience for her at all. She refuses to help her out with anything, and tells the rest of us to let her fail on her own so she might learn from it.

    • Well, your oldest sister is right, and your youngest sister is not only spoiled she's stupid and naive. Someday you'll hear a "THUMP". It will be her failing, hitting the bottom. And she'll look around and realize there's no one holding her safety net. What a rude awakening that day will be. Welcome to the real world. If only I had listened, she'll tell herself. That's when you step back in and help her.

  • No, I would not be happy about this. The only reason I'd be fine with my wife staying home is if we had children or she had some sort of disability that prevented her from working. And I would never marry someone who didn't want kids. Adoption is something I'd always consider if we couldn't birth children.

    She sounds like a right bitch. Sorry but it's the truth. Her fiancee needs to be warned of this. Hiding stuff like this is just recipe for disaster. I don't see their marriage lasting. There shouldn't even be a marriage in the first place.

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    • The kid thing was a mutual decision, so it wasn't just her who decided on no kids, and he got a vasectomy on his own. He's 32 and doesn't want to start raising kids now. But yes, she is a bit spoiled. She's used to people doing things for her. She's the baby of the family.

  • Oh, God! Somebody stop this marriage. This man needs to bail before he gets locked down as her personal servant. The point of marriage is children, not letting the wife become the perpetual child. This will result in divorce, as often happens to the baby of the family. He will either get sick of her or she will find a richer man one day to take care of her. She will never be satisfied with her life and will eventually become a bitter gossip that reasonable people will avoid. Please tell your future brother-in-law about her plans. This is a deal breaker.

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  • I would want my wife to work even if it's just part time so she can buy herself things. I'm not a free pass for her to do nothing while I work all day. in turn I'll never make my wife work while I stay at home either.

    even if she just get's a part time job working 2-4 days a week would be enough so I don't feel as used.

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    • Update: my younger brother has been treated this way and pretty much given a free ride his whole life and now he doesn't want to work for anything. As long as he has smokes and internet he does not care about anything else in his life.

      when he's "crying" for smokes he harasses me for money which is quite often often so I end up resenting him when I give in.

      why the youngest child get's so much "special treatment" I don't know. all I see is it makes them week and unable to stand on their own.

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    • We grew up in a small town, and it was easy enough to get jobs because everyone knew everyone. I mostly did baby-sitting as a teen but my sisters worked in the grocery stores or the restaurants. My first real job was at 15 and it was with my moms best friend who owns a dry cleaning place. I basically just helped her out after school with the easier jobs she didn't have time for.

    • that's cool. all but one of my jobs has been a dishwasher. the other one was a courtesy clerk, I bagged groceries for the cashiers helped customers bring them out and kept shelves in order.

      only 2 of my jobs were full time including this one... at least while the other dishwasher is on maternity leave.

  • Its a mutual decision. Its not something she can just announce, any more then he could announce that he's going to be a stay at home husband.

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  • If she was having kids than I totally understand the decision.

    If she isn't having kids, than she's just using her husband to have and say,c are free life. She's going to use all his money and not contribute anything

    She shouldn't be marrying some e she's keeping that much of a secret from

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  • It's a waste of a life.

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  • I would never have a wife who didn't work if there were no children involved. Unless she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

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  • I have no problem.

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  • Every good parent has to work, raising children is a big priority, but it doesn't have to involve business it can involve housework too

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  • Marriage is for suckers

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  • If I were you I'd tell him and let him make his own decision, it's only fair. If not she's gonna let him work himself to death for her, or take him to the cleaners in divorce once he decides enough is enough. There's no way I'd support a woman like that, she's an oxygen thief.

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  • Maybe it could work is if the guy she is with is desperate, and lets her take advantage of him. Or if she serves him diligently, and never asks him to help out around the house. If it is his job to make money, then taking care of the house, and her husband will be her job. Otherwise it will eventually destroy their relationship.

    Anyway if she never works it increase the chance that if she leaves him her husband would have to pay alimony if they divorce. That alone is good reason never to let a woman be a housewife. Most men simply don't trust women that much. The fact that she hasn't told him speaks volumes about her character, or rather her lack of character. Looks fade over time. Her plan might work short term, but not in the long run.

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  • only if she has kids. A woman sitting around the house all day while I'm at work would worry me. I know housework takes a lot of time out of the day so she's not really just sitting around but still... It's not fun staying at home alone. The TV shows suck she'll run around go shopping and spend money on needless things and eventually that will get boring and she'll get depressed and start taking it out on me and then look for an affair when she's not happy. etc. I've sat around home bored out of my mind so I know. Haven't had an affair of course. She needs to work, staying home alone isn't healthy.

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  • If I made enough money that a second income was not necessary, and I thought she was the type of person who would keep herself up, do a good job with the house and generally keep herself busy, I would have no problem with it. Keep in mind that a woman's income is not an important factor to most men unless we can't make ends meet without it. If we can, other things are far more important to us.

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  • I agree with your opinion on this.

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What Girls Said 1

  • So basically she wants to be an adult child.

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    • She's been spoiled most of her life. She's the baby of the family. She's used to everyone doing things for her. Up until last year I was paying her cell phone bill for her, but that was until she got serious with him.

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