Another girl in the picture and I'm feeling panicky.

Me and my boyfriend are 25 years of age and will have been together for 8 years soon. We have a house together and are generally really happy. HOWEVER... He plays in a band and has recently recruited a new female singer. My heart dropped when I saw her photo on facebook because she is very good looking, nice figure and also the fact that she shares a common interest with my boyfriend. This coupled with the fact that she will be spending lots of time with him for band practice is breaking my heart. He's never shown disloyalty to me or anything like that and we are thinking of getting engaged soon. BUT I cannot shake off this horrible feeling of dread whenever I think about him being with her and spending time with her, I don't know what do and have cried about it many times. He doesn't know how I feel and I feel ashamed about myself because if the girl was not attractive I would not be bothered about the situation - I know that's pathetic but I can't help the way I feel. Please help any advice would help.. thanks.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You really need to feel secure in yourself that your relationship is solid, because if you keep letting these thoughts manipulate your mind you will probably end up destroying the relationship. Talk to him if you think it may help, however you say that your boyfriend has never been disloyal and you are thinking of setting up a home together so why would he do anything to ruin that. You probably need to accept the fact that their relationship will probably be of a professional nature and nothing else. Make your presence known try to meet your boyfriend after rehersal or ask if you can watch him, maybe once you get to know this girl and realise there is nothing more to it you will probably feel a whole lot better. He is in a band and will always have attractive/unattractive women around him and if you are finding it hard to comes to term with it now maybe you need to think about what the future holds for you?

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    • I appreciate all of the comments you guys have made. I think you've helped me to realise that the main reason for me feeling bad about this is because of my own insecurities... although I'm not really sure what I'm insecure about as I'm attractive, slim and my boyfriend and I have great fun together as well as fantastic and regular sex. I guess its natural for things to shake a relationship's security every once in a while??? I think you guys are right when you say meet her tho as I really ...

What Guys Said 1

  • Well you could talk to him about it, but that might tell him that you don't trust him.

    As far as the other girl, invite the band over for dinner. Get to know her, befriend her. See if she has a boyfriend.

    As far as your boyfriend...I would concentrate on your relationship, ask yourself, why you aren't engaged yet? 8 years is a long time to be together without a commitment. What is missing in your relationship?

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What Girls Said 2

  • I know everybody's going to tell you "relationships are all about trust" and "you shouldn't be so insecure," BUT that is going to lead to you trying to bottle up a very real problem while trying to deny that it exists and it can cause tension between you and your boyfriend.

    I'd speak to him about it--tell him exactly what you told us here. Tell him that you love him and don't want to be possessive but this "other girl" has you getting a little jealous ;) he'll probably be flattered and sorry at the same time. If he really cares about how you feel he'll go out of his way to see that you have no reason to worry.

    Good luck!

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  • Eight years and the trust is not there? Did something happen to you to make you so distrustful (weight gain, change in looks, etc)? Engagement is huge and since it's been eight years I don't see him doing anything. Don't borrow trouble here,

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