How can I help my husband?

Been married just over 15 yrs. had a one year separation about 4 years ago because of emotional problems. We sought counseling and found that a big part of our problem was communication. Hubby is on meds to help with his issues, but keeps getting upset. It seems that he just can not be happy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey there, I've been married for 12 but dated forever, and I think I know what you are talking about. I'm glad you asked this question, this is a really great question. First of all there is no substitute for good communication, so when I talk about other things keep in mind good problem solving skills remain important and cannot be substituted by anything.

    Now that having been said, sometimes a person just isn't happy with who they are or how their life is going. I have seen people literally get everything they want and achieve everything they thought would make them happy, and realize they are not happy. Believe it or not, being married or not being married doesn't effect that. It is something of a myth that marriage will "bring happiness" to individuals who do not have it. Marriage satisfies some other kinds of needs and can solve certain kinds of problems, but it is still a scenario with limits. Therefore no matter how great of a spouse you can be, there will be some things you can not cure in his life.

    Considering the paragraph above, we are now moving into difficult waters here on the thought process about this. It is basically the realm of subjects like inner peace, or how to found true joy, or attain fulfillment in life. These are EXTREMELY philosphical subjects, and he needs to have a breakthrough in some kind of area like this.

    For my own wife, it was her finding Jesus that cured her need to find deep fulfillment that no human, not even a marital partner, can provide. Now that being said, I'm not telling you to run up to your husband and demand he seek Jesus. That's not the way to go about it. He might have already found God anyhow, or simply still grappling with something else.

    Another possibility is deep childhood wounds (assaulted, molested, verbally victimized, etc..) that he still needs to face. Basically, you get the idea -- he's in the "difficult waters" I mentioned two paragraphs above and without really knowing him I can't say that "do this" or "learn that" or "believe this" will result in the answer, but he's essentially going to have to navigate the deep underlying philosophical issues in his life.


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What Girls Said 2

  • U will drive yourself crazy trying to make sense of what's going on because as women that's what we do...maybe he needs to b truly happy with himself before he going to truly b happy with anything else...just b loving and supportive and do what you can to help but know its kinda on him to work it out with himself

  • what's the root of the problem though? figure that out and you'll be good