When people expect a guy to ask a girls dad to marry her?

What is the purpose? Does a girl not make her own life decisions? Enlighten me


0|0
5|8

Most Helpful Guy

  • For most of human history, women were not considered full people. They had no influence in politics, no voting rights, limited or no property rights, etc. They were considered feeble and inferior and were treated essentially like property of men whose value lied in their ability to provide both heirs and alliances between families and bloodlines. In that respect, marriage was essentially a transfer of property from the original owner (father) who had no use for a daughter to a new owner (husband) who needed a woman to provide him with children and maintain his household while he was away doing typical manly things like hunting, farming, or fighting. In most cultures the marriage came with a transfer of other property or wealth... sometimes a dowry (paid from father to husband, ostensibly the wife's property, but really only became hers if her husband died) and sometimes a brideprice (paid from husband to father). The woman's opinion was immaterial, the only consideration was how the marriage benefited the father and the husband either through financial gain, political gain, or social status.

    So that's essentially where it derives from, since women used to be unable to marry of their own accord.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • Lol I don't have the balls to ask a girl out, and if there ever comes a time that I ask a girl to marry me , her dad can forget about respect or old styles of whatever. Its changing my life not his.

    0|0
    0|0
    • haha you'd better not let her hear you say "her dad can forget about respect."

    • Only for that situation lol. I kind of always hoped that if it ever happens hat I get a girl that turns into a long term partner, that her parents would be some kind of European immigrants so neither of us could understand each other lol and socializing wouldn't have to be had lol

  • I think it's a gesture of respect. Of course its her life and she should be able to make her own life decisions. But it's not so much as needing an answer to get "permission". It's the importance of actually asking that counts. And if he asks, the dad is most probably gonna say yes, cause the guy had the manners to ask him first. Like I said, its respectful.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It dates back to a time when daughters were their father's property. I think it's majorly outdated.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's a sign of respect. A guy can ask the dad if it's okay for him to take his daughters hand in marriage, and then when the guy ends up asking the girl to marry him himself, and she ends up rejecting the proposal. She still is the one that makes the choice on whether or not she wants to get married. It has nothing to do with the dad forcing marriage onto his daughter. Just letting his soon to be son-in-law that he approves of him, and it helps gives the guy some peace of mind knowing that her family, most of all her dad, approves of him. Wouldn't you want to know whether or not your future husband's mother approves of your relationship or not? Her approval won't be the final decision of whether or not the marriage takes place. That's up to the two that are getting married, but it does help out mentally knowing that your joining a family that likes you and approves of you. It also shows the father that his soon to be son-in-law is a respectful young lad. What father wouldn't want a son-in-law that is respectful?

    4|3
    0|0
    • What would the guy do if the dad says no? Lol

    • Show All
    • Cool. I feel enlightened lol

    • I would prefer my future husband to ask my father's permission, but I'd be worried that if he said no that my boyfriend wouldn't ask me anymore. I woulnd't want to miss out on marrying a man I love just because my dad scared him away.

  • It is a tradition that stems from a time when people had arranged marriages. Even the wedding ring actually originates from these traditions. Today the reason we do these things have changed. It is done as a sign of respect toward the woman's family, and shows the guy doesn't want to come between the woman and her family, as well as a sense of tradition.

    2|0
    0|0
  • It's a thing you do out of respect. You know, you're kind of taking daddy's little girl, so...

    2|2
    1|0
    • Taking her as if she belongs to him though? I don't understand what respect has to do with it

    • Show All
    • But no, she shouldn't just send the guy in to make sure everyone is good. The guy should ask because he's emotionally mature enough to understand the things that I just explained to you (and if he's not, that's already a bad sign to any parent... same as if a boy's girlfriend doesn't ever try to talk to the boy's mom or always tries to avoid her).

      It shows they don't want to be a part of the family, they just want to take their boyfriend/girlfriend away... which probably means they have control issues

    • When I have kids, I will make it a point to raise them in expecting EXACTLY what they deserve in a significant other. As long as they are confident that the person that THEY know and love, I will support them. I completely disagree with you. A person can build a relationship with BOTH of their significant others parents in many many ways. Not just asking if he is allowed to marry their kid

  • It's tradition, dating back to when women didn't have a say, and were considered property.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Yes, but it's also considered polite, in our modern society, to ask the father for his permission. People are supposed to look up to the elders in their family, and even if they don't follow their advice, at least respect them and listen to their opinion. You ask the father because he is a man like you (ideally the woman would also try to make friends with your mother)

What Girls Said 5

  • It's a tradition that originates from a time when women weren't allowed to make their own decisions. It was up to her father who she married.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hmm it's been a tradition to show respect to parents, I believe :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because your dad took care of you all your life now another man will

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's tradition. Your father took care of you now a new man will take care of you.

    0|1
    1|0
  • It's called tradition, just as the cans on the back of the newly weds car, tossing the bouquet to the single ladies, the best man/maid of honor giving a speech, the father walking the daughter down the aisle, the exchange of rings, the groom not seeing the brides dress til the ceremony, wear something borrowed, something new, something used and something blue . . . shall I go on?

    I agree with the guys here, it really is just a sign of respect from fiance' to brides father/family. It's not a necessity but some couples/families prefer it. These days in weddings anything goes, a wedding is whatever you want it to be. So maybe you'd just prefer a non traditional wedding, nothing wrong with that. My fiance' didn't ask my dad permission, but I still think it's a romantic notion.

    0|1
    1|0
Loading...