I was speaking with a guy today and I asked him if now that his wife is pregnant does he cook or help out around the house. His reply was "She's pregnant, not dead, she better do it" Now I was livid! That comment just further confirmed why I will never get married! Now, I believe that when it comes to taking care of the home it should be a team effort especially since they both have careers and now that she is pregnant! But what is your take on that comment? Was I getting upset for no reason? How do you feel about gender roles/responsibilities in a household, especially where both parties work?
Guys and Girls: What's your take on gender roles in the household?
What Guys Said 9
Yes, you were getting upset for no reason. You aren't marrying this guy. I cook, wife cleans, does laundry, and cleans. I do outside and car maintenance. She vacuums and does bathrooms, I shampoo the carpets. We both help with homework. She works pt and I, work ft, I also grocery shop.5
It should probably be shared as best they can... I personally suck at cooking so i'd cook if she wanted although I doubt she'd like living off pizza and chicken for the rest of her life. I'd probably trade for cleaning or something else... although I wouldn't expect my pregnant wife to be doing anything, that's just moronic and depending on the situation it's also bad for the baby.3
My take on it is that he's absolutely right. First off, pregnant women are better off carrying on doing the things they usually do rather than resting all the time. A stronger, fitter body = easier to give birth. They'll have little strength if they stop. They're encouraged to exercise, as long as they're not doing anything intense e. g. running, lifting heavy weights etc.
As for chores, I don't cook, and I rarely clean. Those are women's jobs. I do the man jobs e. g. fixing things, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn - things my girlfriend rarely does. I spent a few hours yesterday building some chairs and a table. That's how I even it out.3
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It's a negotiation and process of what works best for all parties and the relationship. I'm a man and I cook because family like my cooking. My wife drives and I ride in the passenger seat because she likes driving mar car and I like being driven around. But I won't wash dishes or do laundry because hate it. I think it all comes down to a negotiation and what is practical. As long as don't have to do chores wearing an apron and carrying a feather duster my masculinity is unaffected =)1
They are obviously free to arrange their relationship how ever they want and it's none of your business.
Also do you know exactly how many hours a week they both spend at work and exactly what others things need to be done at home that he might do? or did you just hear this comment about typical house chores like the dishes and get all cluster fucked?0
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I think that whatever system both partners work out is fine. Me, I have a view point similar to you about both should work together. But different people have different ideas and as long as both parties are happy with it, then there doesn't need to be a golden standard.0
Not a big deal to me, if both are capable of taking care of themselves and each other at the same time. It's not very hard.0
I think the women should do house jobs but you should NOT be a dick about it. At al! And you should help0
Relationships in which the woman is always making a stink about gender roles and household chores are far more likely to end in divorce. When are women going to figure this out?
What Girls Said 14
I think it is very important that both people work together in all aspects of life.
Cleaning, cooking, working everything should be the responsibility of both parties. Now that women can work and men aren't expected to be sole breadwinners every one can pitch in on every front.
Now if the woman doesn't work then she should do her part to assist the relationship by cooking and cleaning because that's what she can do to contribute. If she works then the man should cook and clean. It's all about balance.
So long as every one feels they are being treated fairly and with respect and every one is pitching in equally that's all that matters.2
If his wife has a career - pregnant or not - it means she's contributing. That alone should be a good reason to split the chores. Heck, even if she were a housewife and loved it, he should still make the effort to do some work around the house. What a loser!
But the fact that she's pregnant in addition to working, definitely calls for some action. Pregnancy is physically, & emotionally tiring on its own. Add a career into the mix AND taking care of all the chores, that's a stressful and unhealthy situation for a pregnant woman.
Not that it can't be done. Women are just strong that way, but it just shouldn't be...1
Personally, I really don't care. I have no issues with being the sole caretaker of the home (cooking, cleaning, etc.) as well as having my own career outside of the home.
Some people are just more traditional than others and there's nothing wrong with that. Now, that doesn't mean the man should be disrespectful about his wife doing things in the home. Saying that she "better" do it is kind of rude. Personally, I wouldn't be angry if I were pregnant and still had to do things aroynd the house, however, I would appreciate my hypothetical husband offering to help me during that time. That being said, I wouldn't be mad if he didn't, I would only be upset if he was rude or overly demanding and insensitive to the situation of me being pregnant.
I think that if couples want to bemore traditional regarding gender roles then that's fine. I just think there should also be a mutual level of respect for each other.2
It depends on the situation. If both people have careers, then of course both people should do an equal amount of housework. If one person works less, or not at all, then they should do all or more of the housework. If a woman is pregnant, then of course she should have a little extra help, since being pregnant is very tiring. You need a lot of rest when you are creating a new human being. It's reasonable to expect a pregnant woman to still help out, unless she is on bed rest, but that comment was totally obnoxious.1
It depends on what the situations allow for.
If it is agreed that the woman will be a stay at home wife or stay at home mother while the husband works, then she NEEDS to take on household tasks and duties. She needs to cook, clean, take care of the kids, fold laundry and make sure he comes home to a nice hot meal. If she doesn't then she's just lazy
I can understand why he would take on other household duties such as mowing the lawn, raking leaves, cleaning the garage etc.
Sorry, but unless she is having a high risk pregnancy then why should she stop doing things just because she's pregnant? She shouldn't lift heavy things, that's for sure, but cooking and cleaning don't require that.
I personally do feel that cooking, cleaning and raising the children should be left up to the woman while disciplining the children and providing security should be left up to the man. That's just me...3
That guy is a major prick and doesn't deserve the child his wife is carrying and his wife. He obviously takes her for granted and gives her too many responsibilities.
Personally, I think it should be a 50/50 effort. When I was living in the same house as my ex, we split everything 50/50. He did the laundry and I cooked. I did most of the cleaning except for taking out the trash and doing anything that required heavy lifting ( I have a bad back). I did anything that had to do with cars except for washing them and he did the rest of the outdoor work and killed spiders for me.2
Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but why is it any of your business? If you want a man that helps around the house, then find a man who does that. What happens in their relationship isn't any of your business, except if either one of them asks for your help, advice or insight.
You don't know, maybe the talked about it and agreed on it. Maybe they have a special kind of arrangement.1
I think men should go out to work, women too unless she wants to be a housewife but both should have equal chores divided between them or something - men should help around the house even if it is cutting the food for cooking, or taking the trash out. And I agree us women just because we are pregnant shouldn't sit on our backside - walking, exercising, doing housework is beneficial -unless you are in the last trimester0
He's pretty shitty. I wouldn't do a damn thing while pregnant except eat and sleep and maybe workout.2
I think people should do whatever they think fits their relationship, but its important that its a mutual decision.
Personally, I think both people should contribute, but there are lots of different ways to do so. I also think it's important to appreciate and respect the work your partner does and the effort they put in.1
I don't mind cleaning and cooking but if i begin to feel he takes it for granted or he expects me to do it I have no problem just taking care of my own needs. If I'm willing to go out of my way to cook for him or clean after him, he's pretty special. I don't do that for just anyone.0
I think it depends on the particular couple. I'm more traditional myself but will never assume those roles on my future kids1
Everyone should do equal work because a lot of women also work0
The only way she should have to do all the housework is if she's not helping pay the bills. Since you said that she does have a job, I think he's lazy and a little sexist for not pitching in around the house and responding like that when you asked him about it. I personally couldn't be in a relationship with a man who is so selfish he won't even do the dishes or sweep the floor, especially if I'm pregnant. Hey, it might work for her though.1
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