We're getting married? We practically hate each other yet neither wants to be with anyone else!?

[I'm a guy] My girlfriend and I have been together for 5+ years. It was an immediate mutual attraction but after ONLY a month our differences and personalities started to clash. They didn't create huge fights; they mainly left her feeling disappointed in who I was from the person she thought I was. I was a single Dad raising a 4yo daughter all on my own -- she was very critical of my parenting skills and style to the point of saying she would never want to have kids with me. I am an Investment Banking Exec and she thinks my job lack integrity and is about greed and is extremely condescending to my career and accomplishments [she's a massage therapist with a high school education] saying it's all driven by greed and ego. She hates driving in my car because it's too "ostentatious" and embarrassing. She is appalled at my personal spending habits. She calls me a mamma's boy and ridicules the fact that I talk to mom everyday. The list goes on an on. I am very tolerant of her differences but the one thing I can't stand is how abusive her language gets when she's angry - she resents my calmness during arguments saying it's a aloof and condescending and passive aggressive. She finds me irresponsible, lacking integrity, selfish, and careless to the point of being a liability to her. Our backgrounds and cultures couldn't be more different - I am from a wealthy educated black caribbean family and she is white from an very humble rural upbringing.

This all surfaced after a a month yet it has been 5 years and we've been together and neither wants to break-up yet we both agree things are doomed to fail. The sex is great and we both agree on that and the best times we have are only after fights when we both cry and hug --- things are wonderful for 2 days and then right back to square one. Now she wants to get married to me! I have no idea why because she thinks so poorly of me. The weird thing is I lover her and want to marry her too!!! Is this relationship doomed?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, she sounds incredibly verbally abusive and picky to me. Yes, to me it sounds like this relationship is doomed to fail. Either you'll get tired of her nagging, or she'll become tired of nagging. Sounds to me like she just wants to get married for the sake of it, so that she doesn't have to find another man who puts up with her BS. And since this has been going on for over 5 years, I don't think you'll be able to change this situation. It's up to you whether you want to drag it out or not. Breaking up just seems inevitable to me.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Yes its doomed.

    Try therapy/counseling individually and as a couple.

    Maybe things will work, maybe they won't. But you two aren't going to be happy, if you haven't been in the past 5 years. But its your life, if thats how you want to live it.

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  • It sounds like you both hate one another's personality, but have great sexual chemistry and you're basing your whole relationship off the latter.

    I think if you marry another, you will regret it in the long run. You say you have a 4 yo daughter - how would you feel if she were in a relationship like yours? Do you want to set that kind of example for her? I know that's a low blow, but you have to consider how this unhealthy relationship will effect her.

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  • If it were me I wouldn't want to because there's too much strife involved to handle on the daily. It would be exhausting. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was not supportive/largely intolerant of so many of my personal attributes and lifestyle choices, fuck that. And yet you seem to know what you're signing up for and still want to do it. Are you a masochist? If so it'll be great!

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  • well after dating for 5 years, no one can say you're rushing in. so at least you're not fools. there must be something that is drawing you to each other.

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    • Duh! Its the BBC that is keeping her around! Lol. Someone told me that you can't have a killer sex life AND an awesome relationship. So, i guess he just needs to decide which is more important.

    • the British broadcasting company plays a big part in my relationship too

  • if you are not happy with each other why are you together? if you get married you won't be happy so leave him and find someone that does make you happy.

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  • A short answer? Yes. Your relationship sounds like a roller coaster of emotions and none of the emotions on the ride sound very healthy. I think you need to look beyond the great sex and examine the real issues. Great sex can only counter balance a certain number of minuses - not all of them lol.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like you're only together because of the sex. Also sounds like she's kinda silly. I have a friend who is a nuclear chemist. He worked for pharmaceuticals etc. He met a hippie who felt the same way your woman feels about you. They're divorced. Don't marry her if she can't get over it man.

    If she's hell bent on hating you because of what you do then it'll never work. She needs to realize that. She needs to realize that you two wouldn't be living as comfortably as you are if you weren't doing what you do, period. I'm sure she knew what you were after the first few dates and she still decided to go through with the relationship? Sounds like drama, honestly. You're the Exec. Make an Executive Decision.

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