Do you think it's sexist and gross when people get engaged or married and constantly make jokes about how the woman has to obey her fiancee?

I spent time with my friends who recently got engaged and he wouldn't stop cracking jokes about her being "his woman" and how she had to listen to him now, etc but after wayyyy too many comments of the same nature it just wasn't funny anymore and I sort of doubt he was joking.

Am I reading too much into this or does it bother you too?

He also kept making comments to my boyfriend and telling him to "control me" and asking him why I wouldn't listen and asking "what did you do to her? She doesn't listen to you?"

So is he a sexist pig like I think or is this the norm?
I know my boyfriend wouldn't make comments like this to anyone.


0|0
12|9

Most Helpful Girl

  • That guy does sound sexist if he's asserting that you should be controlled by your bf and listen to him just because.

    Sexism is pretty common, lots of people have these "traditional" ideas about gender roles in relationships. I dont like it either. But as far as jokes go, it depends on the nature of the joke and her response to it, the people I know, etc. However, generally its kind of awkward. I've never made jokes like that and I dont really see the humor in it. Its obviously linked to sexist expectations of women, but even jokes about sexism can be funny sometimes in a sarcastic manner. This one doesn't really sound that funny.

    3|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 9

  • Maybe he was joking and if he wasn't then I guess he would seem controlling.

    The stuff you're saying is kind of funny considering how the guy usually "bows" on one knee looking up to his girlfriend to ask her "will you marry me", LOL!!!

    Back in the past, it seems as if both the husband and wife were too busy to have to obey each other in that way you're describing. Like over 100 years ago everyone seemed to be a farmer mainly men (husbands) for their stronger upper body to be able to lift stuff and the women (wifes) quite frankly stayed at home cooked cleaned and took care of the kids AND did the other farm work the husband didn't have time to do. Back in those days, life was hard and you had to work hard to get anything done. I guess the difference between then and now is that people today are very spoiled and have EVERYTHING done for them by other people and even then it's expensive. All you have to do today is a desk job and you're done.

    My mom sometimes accuses my dad of being controlling, but as an outside observer he is not. It's usually from money matters and politics, but when we didn't have much money and wanted to do something, sometimes my dad had/has to take charge otherwise for instance we would still be in an apartment and even several years after could have lost the house from my moms stubbornness. It's not that my dad is controlling, it's that my mom doesn't want to see the truth.

    Of course it could be the other way around for some other people, LOL!!!

    1|0
    0|0
  • I see the reverse more often.

    I think both messages exist in the culture, stronger in some areas then others, and your particular peers plus your own sensitives plus the nature of your relationship will reflect which message seems louder.

    2|0
    0|0
  • I would have to see it in my own eyes to believe the same as you. He may or not be kidding, he may also be the one that ends up being submissive which is why he is tooting his horn so much. Maybe behind close doors SHE wears the pants. Who knows. If he is a sexist pig then karma will bite his ass later in alimony and or child support with many restless nights without sex.

    3|1
    0|0
    • I can see it being joking if he only said it once or twice but I'm not even kidding he must have at least 15 times in two hours.

    • Then I suspect he will be bending over quite a lot in his future be it in marriage or a jail cell.

  • It is sexist, however I find this question strange as I've seen more of the opposite. For example I've read about guys simply buying flowers for their wives, and the shop workers asking what they've done wrong, making jokes about them being made to sleep on the couch etc. There are also plenty of shows on TV which depict smart-mouthed women married to downtrodden men.

    1|0
    1|0
    • TV isn't reality though. You can't compare real relationships to screen ones, they're depicting them like that for entertainment. I get what you're saying though. I haven't seen more of the opposite but my parents aren't married and I don't know anyone else who is engaged except for my friend.

    • True, I've seen couples like this in real life though too. I also think people underestimate the level of influence that these kinds of shows, even though they are obviously not real, have on their attitudes towards men and women, relationships etc.

    • Yeah, very true. To each their own but I can't agree with inequality of any type in a relationship.

  • I've never heard people make comments like that after being engaged.. It seems kind of strange to me that he feels like he owns her.

    1|1
    0|0
  • No those jokes are so lame and over used... Oh yeah and they're sexist

    2|1
    1|0
  • He is a sexist pig... And that is the norm :(

    3|0
    1|0
  • Sexist? No, because they're both making jokes about it.
    Gross? Yep.

    1|0
    0|0
  • In reality, the husband is at the mercy at the wife legally and financially, unless he is much poorer than she is.

    Maybe your friend knows that and is trying to compensate.

    1|0
    0|0
    • How do you think that? They do share finances (which I think is crazy).

    • Show All
    • Yeah, you do. You're simply saying it's bad that he's acting that way. I never expressed an opinion on the morality of it either way.

    • Sure ;)
      Like I said - ITS FINE that we disagree.

What Girls Said 11

  • Definitely sexist. Unfortunately too many people still think that way. I am getting married and I hear crap like that from men and women alike all too often.

    1|1
    0|0
    • That's super disgusting. It honestly makes me not want to get married because it infuriates me to hear that we're still not past that!

    • It is. It's quite possible that this guy was actually joking and that this doesn't reflect their relationship, but these jokes are so lame and embarrassing. I would hate it if my guy said things like that.

  • I just take it as a joke. If it were made in a joking manner of course...

    You can tell if they are joking or if they are being serious... if he were serious,
    I would concur with my boyfriend.

    1|0
    0|0
    • He was "joking" I'm assuming. But after 30 times of the same type of joke it isn't funny nor does it sound like joking. If you get what I mean.

    • totally understand... 'sigh' men. can't live with them.. can't live without them haha

  • Yes its a no brainer

    2|1
    0|0
  • I would have punched him at 'control'... And reeavulatd my choice in friends.

    Yes he is sexist His particular outlook, is not Atypical. Unfortunately.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I was pretty close my boyfriend snapped at him and told him "I don't control her she's her own fucking person, she can think for herself". She's one of my closest friends but I can't stand her boyfriend/fiancĂ©e.

  • i don't hear men say that but once in awhile i'll hear something along those lines but it's like a joke

    1|0
    0|0
  • I would keep an eye for your friend... yes.. he is sexist and usually being VERY controlling is sometimes the first signs of abusive relationships...

    2|1
    0|0
    • I'll try for sure but she plans on moving four hours away in a couple months so there's only so much I can do

  • No.
    As long as there's no abuse happening i'm not too bothered by the structure of another persons relationship. I personally didn't know this was a thing so I can't say whether it's the norm between newly engaged couples.

    I think he overstepped his boundaries by telling your bf that though

    1|0
    1|0
  • Im not married yet, but my partner and i constantly joke about how i have to do as he says, and how i need to be hand shy. Lol i think its rwally funny, if you knew us you would know we were joking

    1|0
    0|0
  • Obey? lmao

    1|0
    0|0
  • I would have to hear it and know him to see if it's just his humor or a valid concern

    1|0
    0|0
    • I know one of our mutual friends thinks he's very controlling so I think it is of concern.

  • I think it's romantic to be someone's woman xD

    2|0
    1|1
Loading...