What might be right for one couple won't necessarily be right for the next so I said indifferent.
Though I have seen statistics that show that couple who wait to live together until after marriage last longer.
However finances are also the leading cause of divorce.
So while its good to know your partner REALLY well before marriage, waiting until after marriage may help couples work on their petty arguments (cleanliness, money) and stick together rather than bailing when the going gets tough.
There is also the matter that marriage isn't as socially expected as it once was. Many couple are living together and having children without marriage. They're skipping that step making marriage far less likely. Guy's seem to be far less interested in this social norm now that the courts favor women and screw them over.
My best friend has been with his girl for about 16 years and they never got officially married. That's longer than most official marriages last.
My wife and I, plus pretty much every couple we know, lived together before we got married. Which I believe is the case for the vast majority of couples. "Statistics" are often misleading or at the very least malleable.
I wasn't really stating an opinion, just my thoughts. I see where it could be a good thing or bad thing.
I agree statistics can be misleading, and times have changed. Three decades ago or so the general public would have never approved of couples living together before marriage. It sounds like the OP's parents feel the same way.
As far as the statistics I've mentioned, they could be higher simple because its more common for highly religious people (that would refuse a divorce) to wait until after marriage to live together.
Again i see both sides. Its only logically to try and determine if your compatible room mates as it were, before marriage.
But if the lack of marriage is a deal breaker for the woman in question, I added a fair warning that it seems many women get disappointed when their men refuse to get married (making false promises) because they already have the house and kids. And women end relationships all the time after ten years or so because of that.
All I know about marriage in regards to my personal life is that it is a unattainable pipe dream. I won't legally bind someone to me if I can't support half the financial responsibility. I personally would try to prove that I could (live together) before marriage.
My two friends by the way were together for nine years and lived together for 7 before getting married. They seperated nine months later. So perhaps living arrangements have nothing to do with it.
I think it's smart. It's important to see whether or not you can tolerate one another 24/7 and can coexist peacefully. That being said, I don't believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, so that whole complication doesn't exist for me.
If my partner proposed to me, I'd tell him we're going traveling for a few months together. If you can hack that, marriage should be fine.
Indifferent, it's not something I would do. Maybe if we were engaged I would, but just dating hell no. Because if we break up one of us has got to move out. Where are we going to stay? on the streets?
I think if you have been with your partner long enough (5 years) lets just say, then it is not necessary, because you should know that person enough already. I think that people who feel they should live together first are just doubtful, and shouldn't be getting married in the first place. You are just giving yourself a reason for your relationship to fail.
I'm indifferent... I don't really see what difference getting married makes, it just means that if you lose your partner it's not only half the rent gone, but half your assets. I know people who've been together for longer periods of time as just a long term relationship than other peoples marriages.
I remember I had a friend in college that took a sociology class, and she came back from class one day and said "Did you know that the rate of separation is a lot higher if a couple lives together before they are engaged?" That's just about all I know about it. I do know other couples that have lived together before engaged, and they seem to be doing just fine.
I think its good because the couple can get to know each other more and test their love. It is like a test before marriage. I think its bad because it can make marriage less special. It can also break family bonds. I am also not so sure if I am with or against it. My country is somewhat conservative. Cohabiting is actually illegal here. But the new generation is opening up to it and some are cohabiting.
I am on the edge about living together before marriage. It's a great way to get to know the person better and know if you are ready to marry them. Not only that but learn more about there habits. But if you are not as compatible as you think it is an almost instant relationship killer. I think it's a pretty good idea to test the relationship.
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Anonymous
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I am against it. It's too much if an investment.
Imagine living with a guy who ends up not marrying you - you'll end up with wasted advancements.
Then meeting another guy who will know of your background history that is not too appealing kinda lowers your chances of ever getting married.
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+1 y
Also I don't believe in "sampling" the person before making the decision to marry them - I personally believe it lacks respect and character let alone class.
@Justforfun1973 usually when a girl moves in it means full commitment. She is saying that I want to be with you and only you. It's wasted because the guy did not fulfill the same level of commitment she gave to him so "advancing" to the stage of living togather should be done if he is fully committed to you which is marriage in my perspective.
I think it's 100% good. People need to learn to know each other inside out before marrying. Incuding how your partner behaves in a household. Better to live together for three years before marriage than to feel sorry after three years of marriage :-)
Premarital sex is never going to go away. Humans have been doing it since the beginning of time, long before the institution of marriage. Simply because it's necessary for the survival of the species, while marriage is not.
I dont think so. Sex before marriage is something that has been escalating drastically recently within the past 10- 20 or so years. I'm sure in the past ONE person here did it before marriage, ONE person there back long ago, but not as many as today.
You can't completely stop people from doing it, though. Maybe my opinions would be different if I viewed marriage as a sacred and religious rite of passage, but I don't.
I personally believe it's a good thing because you'll be able to see how life will be like living in the same house and whether or not you want to do it for the long-run.
My mom told me and continues to tell me to live with the person I want to marry before we marry because everything can change once you learn their living habits and whatnot.
Totally and 100% for it and bemused that anyone can think anything different. These days people live together for years, getting married after a long while if ever. That's the way things should be.
it's more good than bad if your partner cleans up after himself, flushes the toilet after shitting or urinating but the girls always tolerate it and babies their boyfriend like they're too crippled to do it.
If you move in together you're basically already married. After six months it's the exact same thing legally in Canada so why even bother getting married in the first place? 63% of marriages fail. I think you're asking yourself the wrong question.
Your young. Marriage is a deep commitment. I thought marriage was truly saying "I love you" but then here I am divorced. But living together and marriage are 2 very different levels of commitment and love. Plus the tax benefits are much larger married. maybe not in Canada but in the USA.
Nope not in Canada . Common law is the same in all aspects. You shouldn't need a piece of paper to prove your commitment level, in my opinion. Don't write off my opinion because I'm young!
It doesn't matter to me either way. I've seen both through out my lifetime and it really doesn't matter in my mind whether the couple is under the same roof or not
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What might be right for one couple won't necessarily be right for the next so I said indifferent.
Though I have seen statistics that show that couple who wait to live together until after marriage last longer.
However finances are also the leading cause of divorce.
So while its good to know your partner REALLY well before marriage, waiting until after marriage may help couples work on their petty arguments (cleanliness, money) and stick together rather than bailing when the going gets tough.
There is also the matter that marriage isn't as socially expected as it once was. Many couple are living together and having children without marriage. They're skipping that step making marriage far less likely. Guy's seem to be far less interested in this social norm now that the courts favor women and screw them over.
My best friend has been with his girl for about 16 years and they never got officially married. That's longer than most official marriages last.
My wife and I, plus pretty much every couple we know, lived together before we got married. Which I believe is the case for the vast majority of couples. "Statistics" are often misleading or at the very least malleable.
I wasn't really stating an opinion, just my thoughts. I see where it could be a good thing or bad thing.
I agree statistics can be misleading, and times have changed. Three decades ago or so the general public would have never approved of couples living together before marriage. It sounds like the OP's parents feel the same way.
As far as the statistics I've mentioned, they could be higher simple because its more common for highly religious people (that would refuse a divorce) to wait until after marriage to live together.
Again i see both sides. Its only logically to try and determine if your compatible room mates as it were, before marriage.
But if the lack of marriage is a deal breaker for the woman in question, I added a fair warning that it seems many women get disappointed when their men refuse to get married (making false promises) because they already have the house and kids. And women end relationships all the time after ten years or so because of that.
All I know about marriage in regards to my personal life is that it is a unattainable pipe dream. I won't legally bind someone to me if I can't support half the financial responsibility. I personally would try to prove that I could (live together) before marriage.
My two friends by the way were together for nine years and lived together for 7 before getting married. They seperated nine months later. So perhaps living arrangements have nothing to do with it.
I think it's smart. It's important to see whether or not you can tolerate one another 24/7 and can coexist peacefully. That being said, I don't believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, so that whole complication doesn't exist for me.
If my partner proposed to me, I'd tell him we're going traveling for a few months together. If you can hack that, marriage should be fine.
Indifferent, it's not something I would do. Maybe if we were engaged I would, but just dating hell no. Because if we break up one of us has got to move out. Where are we going to stay? on the streets?
That is a very real concern and is by far the best reason anyone on here has said against moving in with a bf/gf.
yeah i definitely agree with you with the dating part. thatd just be insane.
I think if you have been with your partner long enough (5 years) lets just say, then it is not necessary, because you should know that person enough already. I think that people who feel they should live together first are just doubtful, and shouldn't be getting married in the first place. You are just giving yourself a reason for your relationship to fail.
I'm indifferent... I don't really see what difference getting married makes, it just means that if you lose your partner it's not only half the rent gone, but half your assets. I know people who've been together for longer periods of time as just a long term relationship than other peoples marriages.
I remember I had a friend in college that took a sociology class, and she came back from class one day and said "Did you know that the rate of separation is a lot higher if a couple lives together before they are engaged?" That's just about all I know about it. I do know other couples that have lived together before engaged, and they seem to be doing just fine.
I think its good because the couple can get to know each other more and test their love. It is like a test before marriage.
I think its bad because it can make marriage less special. It can also break family bonds. I am also not so sure if I am with or against it. My country is somewhat conservative. Cohabiting is actually illegal here. But the new generation is opening up to it and some are cohabiting.
I am on the edge about living together before marriage. It's a great way to get to know the person better and know if you are ready to marry them. Not only that but learn more about there habits. But if you are not as compatible as you think it is an almost instant relationship killer. I think it's a pretty good idea to test the relationship.
I am against it. It's too much if an investment.
Imagine living with a guy who ends up not marrying you - you'll end up with wasted advancements.
Then meeting another guy who will know of your background history that is not too appealing kinda lowers your chances of ever getting married.
Also I don't believe in "sampling" the person before making the decision to marry them - I personally believe it lacks respect and character let alone class.
Wasted advancements? What do you mean?
@Justforfun1973 usually when a girl moves in it means full commitment. She is saying that I want to be with you and only you. It's wasted because the guy did not fulfill the same level of commitment she gave to him so "advancing" to the stage of living togather should be done if he is fully committed to you which is marriage in my perspective.
80% of couples who live together before marriage fail. you're jinxing yourself. you should know how ur partner lives BEFORE you live with them
marriages should be bases on more than that. if it's so fragile you can "jinx" it, that's a problem in and of itself.
did wherever you got the percentage from come with a reason?
I think it's 100% good. People need to learn to know each other inside out before marrying. Incuding how your partner behaves in a household. Better to live together for three years before marriage than to feel sorry after three years of marriage :-)
I believe living together before marriage is a fad that will die out sooner or later.
If nothing else, I believe having sex before marriage is a fad that will die out.
Premarital sex is never going to go away. Humans have been doing it since the beginning of time, long before the institution of marriage. Simply because it's necessary for the survival of the species, while marriage is not.
Wow lol
I dont think so. Sex before marriage is something that has been escalating drastically recently within the past 10- 20 or so years. I'm sure in the past ONE person here did it before marriage, ONE person there back long ago, but not as many as today.
You can't completely stop people from doing it, though. Maybe my opinions would be different if I viewed marriage as a sacred and religious rite of passage, but I don't.
I personally believe it's a good thing because you'll be able to see how life will be like living in the same house and whether or not you want to do it for the long-run.
My mom told me and continues to tell me to live with the person I want to marry before we marry because everything can change once you learn their living habits and whatnot.
Totally and 100% for it and bemused that anyone can think anything different.
These days people live together for years, getting married after a long while if ever. That's the way things should be.
it's more good than bad if your partner cleans up after himself, flushes the toilet after shitting or urinating but the girls always tolerate it and babies their boyfriend like they're too crippled to do it.
If you move in together you're basically already married. After six months it's the exact same thing legally in Canada so why even bother getting married in the first place? 63% of marriages fail. I think you're asking yourself the wrong question.
Your young. Marriage is a deep commitment. I thought marriage was truly saying "I love you" but then here I am divorced. But living together and marriage are 2 very different levels of commitment and love. Plus the tax benefits are much larger married. maybe not in Canada but in the USA.
Nope not in Canada . Common law is the same in all aspects. You shouldn't need a piece of paper to prove your commitment level, in my opinion. Don't write off my opinion because I'm young!
I think its the best idea because if you can't stand being together that often, then marriage isn't for you
You two
It irons out the kinks in a relationship before marriage.
It doesn't matter to me either way. I've seen both through out my lifetime and it really doesn't matter in my mind whether the couple is under the same roof or not