My boyfriend has openly told me that he plans to stay with me until I'm ready to get engaged. The thing is, I'm not ready, and I won't be ready for several years. We're just in our early twenties -- I'm finishing up college and didn't plan on getting married until I was financially independent. We've been dating for almost two years.
I'm nervous about our differing opinions on when to get married, and also that we might have differing views on having kids (he wants some, I haven't decided if I want any). Everything else in our relationship is great; we're long-distance for now but everything has been going fine and we love each other. He's my best friend and I don't want to lose him. At the same time, once in a while I have doubts because I feel like I need to figure myself out and grow up before I make such a big commitment to someone I care about. It makes me feel guilty and selfish.
Does anyone have advice on this? I don't know what to do. :( Thanks in advance.
Most Helpful Girl
If you're feeling pressured into marriage when you're not ready then you're more likely to pull away rather than be drawn toward him.
You haven't said that you want to explore other options. You've just said you're not ready to move as quickly into marriage as he is. Hopefully you 2 can find a common ground because you are both going to grow and change a lot. You may grow apart, but then again you may grow together. That's not likely to happen if he tries to push you into something you're not ready for.
It's clear you're not ready and you've been honest about it. He's agreed to be patien so you have nothing to feel guilty about because not being on exactly the same page at exactly the same time is not wrong. It's just how it is and you both have to find a way to be OK with that until things change. He says he is so just take him at his word unless his actions say otherwise.
Don't borrow trouble or stress from tomorrow. Just enjoy your relationship with your best friend and boyfriend for what it is, and be grateful that if/when you are ready, you've got a guy who loves you and has proven he'd stick with you.0