Two questions for Christians about Marriage?

two questions for christians about marriage. and forewarning, this is based on what I've heard in sermons a lot.

a lot of churches preach how p*rn is adultery, because "whoever looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery already in her heart." and adultery is grounds for divorce simple, right?
though I doubt they had p*rn shows back then, so Jesus literally meant, if you look at a woman with lust, you've committed adultery in your heart.

So literally, that means that according to the Bible, if I just got married, and me and my new wife go to the pool--if she glances at some bodybuilder with a perfect figure and feels lust, she's committed adultery and I am Biblically fine divorcing her? And that means that marriage can justly end in divorce, according to the Bible, after one glance? I mean, I always thought that adultery needed some sort of sexual involvement, or probably at least kissing, but according to what I've heard preached, if your spouse just makes one glance at an attractive member of the opposite sex, you can divorce them, because they committed adultery.

second, given how high divorce rates are and how horrible divorce typically is for any man that makes decent wages, wouldn't it be fine, according to the Bible, if when you got married, you just had a religious ceremony, instead of legally getting married with a marriage license and such? As long as you were married by a pastor, made vows to God, etc? Just didn't legally involve the state?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You do know that women don't get married to please God, right? They get married for the legal surety that government intervention provides.

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What Girls Said 1

  • So I am in no means a pastor or religious teacher in any way but I am a girl who wants to fallow God in the best way I can.

    To answer your question I think we have to go back in history. Before the cross sin was only forgiven by sacrifice. After the cross Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice so there was no more needed. Because of this your sins are forgiven when you just ask. So easy right? So to answer the part about adultery. I think that because of this yes you can divorce someone because of it but the fact is, God has already forgiven them for the act. So I believe that couples now ask long as they ask for forgiveness and are willing to work through it and are changing that God would rather that marriage stay whole. God is forgiving as so should we. Sin is sin no matter how severe it is. But the fact that changes the sin is if the person is willing to ask for forgiveness. We all sin but it is a choice to change.

    Now about the religious ceremony. I don't know a lot about this but from what I have read yes it is right to just have a religious ceremony but why not also get a legal document saying you are? It is not that hard. And if something happens people are going to look at the legal set in stone document rather then your word if you are married or not. And why not? Yes it is fine to not involve the state but I just don't know why you would just not take the easier rout.

    In the end, I understand your confusion and I know I am not a pastor or anything but I hope I could help you. If you have any other questions feel free to message me.

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    • You halfway answered my question--that according to the Bible, a marriage before a pastor is valid whether or not a license is involved. (one might not want to make it legal due to how marriage does not favor men, due to women too often using divorce as a threatpoint. my view.)

      However, you sort of missed the point that I find crazy.

      Churches preach that looking with lust is adultery, and hence, p*rn is adultery, and they quote Jesus. Okay. But by that rule, you could divorce your spouse for giving a look at the pool to an attractive member of the opposite sex.

      It seems insane to me, but the logic extends to that--if looking with lust is truly adultery, (like p*rn is adultery and grounds for divorce) then according to the Bible, you can be justified in divorcing your spouse for giving a once over to a hot member of the opposite sex.

      That seems insane to me, but it strictly goes with what churches are preaching.

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    • My question was--according to what churches preach, you can, Biblically speaking, divorce your spouse for giving an attractive member of the opposite sex a once-over.

      Because it's preached that if you look at someone with lust, you've committed adultery. So if your spouse is out somewhere, looks at someone with lust, you can divorce them and it's justified, according to the Bible.

    • I can only give you my opinion and what I interpret from the bible. Which I did in my first post. I am not teacher but really I would just suggest praying about it.

What Guys Said 3

  • I would say the Biblical definition of "looking at woman with lust" means that you plan on committing adultery but you just haven't found the convenient opportunity yet.That puts it in the same category as attempted theft or attempted murder.You're still guilty of making an attempt, even if unsucessful.

    The woman who finds a man sexually attractive is not neccessarily attempting to commit adultery.

    Do you really believe that someone watching p*rn is actually planning or attempting to commit adultery?

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    • I think you're being more realistic and sane than what I've heard at church.

  • do what u want not what is dictated by some worldy power

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  • Honestly, I don't know what would account for adultery now. I can see both sides of it. I would just say working out these things together by talking about them with a forgiving heart is the best way to approach these things. Also, if the 2 people involved really strived to satisfy each other sexually, that would reduce the possibility of either one watching p*rn or going outside of the marriage for sex. As far as having a marriage not involving the state, I think it is totally fine to be married that way. In fact, if I ever get married again, that's the way I am going to do it. Its is between her and I, nobody else, especially the POS government. I don't think I will be able to find a pastor to do it but I don't think that is necessary anyway. Its just going to be us 2 and we will just have a personal ceremony between us and as far as I am concerned we are married in Gods eyes and ours. That's all that matters anyway. What most govt's see as marriage now, has nothing to do with it anyway and the things they see as marriage, then I don't want to have a "marriage" in their eyes anyway. So they can do their stupid things and we can do ours differently. Its nice to be able to adapt and still be just as OK in Gods eyes.

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    • Good answer mostly, but half my question was--according to what pastors preach, if I got married, and my wife glanced at some bodybuilder in the gym and felt lust, then I get to divorce her for adultery. So according to what pastors say, Christian marriages can be ended at any time for adultery, pretty much.

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    • by extension, that means that a Christian marriage can righteously be dissolved at the drop of a hat, literally. all it takes is one glance, and BAM, you're justified in divorcing the skank/cheater.

      That seems insane, to me. Isn't marriage supposed to be a long lasting, solid thing? I always thought that adultery required some form of sex, or at least kissing, or something--because it's a union that can only be dissolved by a grave betrayal, like having sex with someone else.

      but according to churches, all it takes is a glance to dissolve that marriage.

    • I really don't think that's what Jesus had in mind when he said that. To think otherwise would be just not right. He was talking more about sinning, etc and not divorce. I don't think most churches would teach that at all, if they did, they are probably very legalistic and judgmental and me and my family would not go to that church. I do interpret the Bible literally but there has to be some common sense applied.

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