I am not being fair to her, how do I get out?

I am a horrible person and I am finally starting to realize this. I am engaged and I need to get out not because of me but because she doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treat her. I am obsessed with cheating. I have slept with 7 different girls while I have been with her. 2 being my ex girlfriends, 2 being two of her friends, one her cousin, a coworker of mine that is more then a sexual affair but emotional too and she is pregnant, but she lives on the other side of the state. and the last one was just recently some girl I hooked up with on craigslist. I am a selfish disgusting human being and I get off on the craziest stuff. I like to have sex with these girls in mine and my fiances bed, or in our house. I need to leave her but its going to break her heart and I don't want to do that. I love her more then anything and I wish I could just stop all of this and move on with her but the damage has been done. how do I go about this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You broke her heart the moment you even touched the first girl you cheated with.

    She may not know it at first, but right now, breaking up with her will have been the BEST thing you have ever done for her.

    Let her move on to someone who loves, respects, and deserves her if you can't do it right. Don't trap her in a meaningless marriage with a cheater. You don't love her. Don't kid yourself and don't you dare give the word "love" such a disdainful mockery in saying that you do. If you loved her you wouldn't have done this. But if you at least care abut her, you will come clean.

    Now, what I'm wondering if you're just a cheater or someone with a serious problem with sex addiction. If you find that you do have a problem, you need to go and get yourself some help. That is before you track down this "emotional affair girl" and take care of that child you put inside her (that is, if it is yours. In this kind of situation...who knows?). This is a MUST. Unlike everyone else in this sordid little coup you've created, this baby is completely innocent and he/she should not be made to suffer. If you can't respect yourself enough to be a good man and be good to these women and child who's lives you have greatly and negatively effected, you need to remove yourself from them pronto!

    Fix this situation and then go fix yourself.

    Good luck.

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What Girls Said 19

  • Firstly, coming clean and talking crap about yourself will only push her towards the, "oh I want to forgive you and fix this." mind set.

    You're awful, but I give you mad credit for actually deciding it's time to walk away.

    However, I think all you really need to do is tell her, "I cannot marry you because I have been unfaithful to you in the past, and I think in time, you'll appreciate the fact you didn't marry someone who has cheated on you, even if it hurts right now."

    Make it a clean break, it's the least you can do for her.

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  • siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh... the endless chase. is it the adrenaline of doing something wrong, or does she just not sexually satisfy you? either way, cheating is a big no no.. fast forward telling her the truth, and the break up, and you're alone again. Are you going to be okay with that? Finally free to do as you please with no guilt... or do you actually desire a relationship? Everyone experiences temptation, human attraction to other people other than your signifigant other is innevitable, DOING something about it is a whole 'nother level. You cross the line. You're going to end up alone if you keep that up. Love and relationships is about sacrifice, that includes sexual desires for other people. When you promise yourself to someone, you promise yourself to them and only them, to be faithful and resist the temptation. You falsely promised that to her, marriage is the bond, the ultimate promise, that they are the only one. This is obviously not true, you sexually desire other people. You can't have a relationship under those circumstances... unless you talk to her, see if she's open to a swingers status.. honestly, it's going to suck.. and yeah, it's gonna hurt her to hear this, but you hurt her the moment you put your hands on another woman.. you have to realize that it might just be sex to YOU, but it shatters a woman's world to have a man cheat on them. Until you learn to keep it in your pants, and be faithful (unless you've spoken to the woman before and she's okay with swinging), stay single, and spare the girl the heartbreak .

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  • It WILL HURT HER! But a several years into a marraigae that will only end in divorce will only hurt her more. If you love her, let her go. I'm sure she's a great woman, and deserves to be with someone who can reciprocate her commitment, faithfulness and love.

    If you think that one day you might actually want to be in a stable relationship, I suggest you go to counseling. You are a sex addict, and perhaps you need to resurface things from your past that may have you acting out this way!

    Either way you need to let her go. Please don't use the whole, "it's not you its me" line and don't say "you deserve someone so much better than me" if she hears this she will prob think you are just getting cold feet and try to convince you otherwise.

    Only you know what kind of person she is, and what exactly you should say. If she's a person that can handle the truth, by all means ditch it out. IF she is the kind of person that suffers from depression you may want to sugar coat some stuff, but definitely, be a man about it and let her go. No one deserves to be treated that way. NO ONE!

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  • It's going to hurt her no matter what. You can't get past that, and the fact that you have cheated so many times sounds like you have a problem since you do love her and you seem genuine about it. It sounds like you're obsessed with doing wrong, and you really should seek help because you won't be able to handle a relationship if you cheat all the time. It's kind of hard to buy all the self pity honestly and if you say all that to her it won't help anything, and definitely pulling the "I love you card" will absolutely kill her because after cheating so many times, she won't believe it.

    Good luck though.

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  • boy..get ur head on straight!im not going to yell or tell you ur horrible..the desicions aren't the greatest but that does not define who you r...a person in him/her self is an amazing thing...first get rid of the negative atitude towards yourself..next thing is..u can control yourself. its the will to make the decision that you kno is right...make yourself accountable to her and be faithful..sex is so addicting and yes it is hard..but understand that ur decisions affect ur future...if you love her love her..remember its about the person not the sex...hell the sex is part of it ut not the main part and I think that guys forget that/...dont so easily give up on yourself..im sure you are an amazing person babe but you got to decide in ur heart that you wnat to changfe bad enough to be able to change...women are an amazing thing...cherish the one ur heart is with..and matureity is important!

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  • Leave her. You're right, she doesn't deserve all of that. Don't tell her though. You'll just break her heart even more. At least save her some dignity. If you really do love her, then really work on your relationship with her, but don't tell her all of this. Some things should be kept a secret.

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    • You cannot tell her that you were witht hat many women. do not even tell her one. she well feel unworthy let her know that you are a sex addict and then go fromt here. that's your only way out. and possibly still with her. I believe women are pretty uunderstanding to that level on honesty, she will see that you need help bad..

    • No, that's just an excuse. He clearly knows he did wrong and can control himself. He really should just work on making the relationship better and understanding how to truly be committed to his girlfriend. If he can't commit to just her, then he should leave her. But yeah, definitely not tell her he's cheated.

  • Be honest with her, I'm sure she would rathar know then waste any more of her life on a lie, because if you don't tell her, she will eventually find out from someone else and it will hurt more. Tell her that you are sick, and need to get help and that you will get help. Don't lie to her about that promise, GET HELP, join a program or anything that can help you and take the first step to getting over this addiction. Tell her that you understand if she wants to leave, and tell her that you are sick and coulden't stand to hurt her anymore because you love her. Take some time away from everything to think to yourself and about how your going to take the first step. Let her know and set her free. If you really do care, let her go out and get what she deserves or she will never be happy. It may hurt her temporarily but, in the long run her life will be much better.

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  • sex addicts anonymous.

    its a serious group, and you NEED it.

    it doesn't take much will power to be honest and stop sleeping around.

    What if your fiance gets an STI because of you and your sleeping habits?

    Then you'd feel pretty sh*tty.

    You know that you are being unfair to her.



    Let her know gently, but be honest.

    Its the right thing to do.

    She'd most likely break up with you anyway if she knew that you were sleeping with 7 girls.

    Just man up! Grow a pair, man.

    And for future relationships...

    when it comes to other girls,

    KEEP IT IN YOUR DAMN PANTS.

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  • yep you're one of those jerks out there..one day you will be with a girl that is totally like you..

    profissional help big time..its a brain function problem...urs is not doing good..

    the most part is you do not love this girl and that's for sure..you might of thought you do but because ur mind is not functioning well enough so would you really believe yourself? anyone that does this to someone they love have problems in the head...do not get angry,you needed this fact to realized you are not in agood path...thats all good luck though..

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  • sorry but your really an asshole and jeeeeeeeeeerk

    move out & leave her because she don't deserve you she don't except that from you so please this girl deserve someone knows that she's a human and she has feelings & she needs someone respect her so like what the anonymous girl said move out because that's really not fair for her really not ! you gonna break her heart anyways I feel pretty bad for her she will really get a really bad shock ... why you did that to her and with who ?! her friends and cousin .. you gonna break her heart that's pretty bad

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  • if you love her, if your relationships good..wich is has to be to be engaged?

    tell her what you did, you don't need to go into detail..

    it may hurt but if she finds outi t will be worse

    it's not even about that though

    its about you loving her?

    and if you did you would tell her..

    then you should let her decide what's going to happen

    if she gives you another chance..dont cheat.

    keep in mind, that if your cheating there is no point in being engaged or in a serious relationship because you want other people.

    love is when you want only that person..

    thats when you should get married, when you love the person

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  • Be honest and end it!

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  • Well, the first step is done.

    You're admitting that you have a problem.

    The second step is what are you going to do about that problem.

    Are you going to go about the same way you used to or are you willing to fix the problem?

    If you choose to go on acting the same way you used to then you better write yourself out of her life. You're wasting the poor girl's time.

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  • i think you may need professional help..

    u have an addiction..

    and as for ur claims that you love her..

    that is so untrue because you would never hurt sum1 tht much if you luved them.

    u need to break things off with her before you drag her in even more deep.

    maybe ur just not in the right place to be in a commited relationship ,

    if sleeping around is ur fing then be single and do it.

    dont be selfish and involve someone else in this disgustin game of urs.

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  • Be fair to her and to yourself. You have to let her go, imagine her pain if her cousin blurts it out. She deserves better you said so yourself, let her go. Yes, it will hurt but nearly as bad as her finding out about the cheating.

    Good Luck

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  • If you want to stop JUST STOP.

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  • Stop cheating. Tell her about all the cheating, and if she can't forgive you, know it was you who nailed in your coffin, but don't dump her. It would hurt her way more to think you just dumped her than if she was forced to dump you because of your cheating. AND, IF SHE DOESNT DUMP YOU, she'll want you to get help. if you refuse to get help, SHE WILL LEAVE YOU AND FIND SOMEONE OBVIOUSLY BETTER. If you care, get clean.

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  • Get yourself some professional help. It's good to realize your wrong-doing but realizing is not enough, you need to actually push yourself hard not to cheat again. You are the one who want to stop it, and only you can do that. Change the way you think in viewing relationship. What triggers you to be addicted to cheating in the first place?

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  • first of all, are you for real!? if you are... you are right. break it off! Now! just copy paste what you wrote here, print it out, put it in an evelope along with as much money as you can give spare! Also write in your letter, for her to go get tested for std's! Forget getting your engagment ring back. I would not recomend telling her in person, unless you don't mind getting the crap beat out of you! Then, leave without telling her, leave the envelope with the money and letter somewhere she can easily find it when you're gone, then MOVE OUT, and go find that other lady you got pregnant, and take care of your kid. Try to get your life straightened out... how pathetic. (PS- the money you give your fiance is for her to go and get tested for HIV & for her to go shopping, go on vacation, pay off debts, whatever she wants, because she WILL be a mess when she finds out!)...

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    • Hah give her money? and move out of my house? yea right.

What Guys Said 6

  • You're going to hurt her no matter what. Like you said, the damage is done.

    So if you're convinced you're not going to stop cheating, it's best to just end it.

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  • You have got serious psychological problems.

    You don't seem to be a horrible person. You need psychological counselling. Weere you abused as a child? Did you have a really bad relationship in the past where you got badly hurt? How is your relationship with your parents? There is some problem somewhere.

    If you take this action may be your fiancee will understand. Also, you slept with several women not one special woman. So, it is casual and more easily forgiven.

    Also, how did these women sleep with you knowing that you were engaged? What does it say about them?

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  • You need to have a sitdown with her, you can't just leave her. The right thing is always the hardest thing. At least you can admit to yourself that your completely in the wrong. You need to tell her that you have another girl pregnant and that you are sorry for what you have doen. I do pity you, but you have made the bed your in and now you have to sleep in it. Ask god for his forgiveness and his guidance. HE really does help.

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  • Break things off if you truly care for her. Get tested for HIV and get professional help. Guys are generally horny jerk-asses, but this goes over the line.

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  • I would come clean and talk sh*t on myself the whole time cause you abolutely deserve it

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  • dont worry, your not has bad as my uncle, and she still loves him, but anyway I think mabie you should tell her and ask her for her opinion. and tell her that you will try to fix it, if you truly want to, but ouch her cuzin, and a prego chick

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