Babies then marriage?

Is it becoming a trend that couples are having children before marriage or is it just me? What does everyone think about it? Couples like Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz, or Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarrsgaard. What do you think about them? Or just couples having children before marriage? In the past, the children were considers bastards, does anyone still believe that?


Most Helpful Girl

  • People are no longer forcing themselves to get married when they get pregnant is all. It's becoming socially acceptable to wait for marriage until you're ready, even if babies are in the mix. My cousin is the perfect example: she just had her second child, at 25. Now, she was married the first time, all for the child, and it ruined the relationship, what little of it there was. She wished she had just stayed single, even though there had been an "accident." This time, though, she and her guy were living together when she got pregnant, and they decided to wait on marriage, as neither are ready to go down that road. But that didn't mean they would get rid of the baby in any way.

    I think, ultimately, it is a good thing. I've seen many couples marry because of children, and it generally turns out bad. Sure, I think that we should wait on children until we know that is the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives, but it doesn't work that way a lot of the time, and I'm cool with that. Whatever people decide is best for them and their little family, however it is put together.

    And marriage doesn't mean they'll be more suited to raising kids. My parents were married before I came along, and they still crashed and burned, mainly because they just weren't suited for each other at all.


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What Guys Said 3

  • I think the childhood ditty, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage" had things in the right order.

    Couples who have babies before they get married are less likely to stay married than couples who are married first. For the sake of the kids, I think the family stability is something more people should think about before they take those steps. It's often less fun to grow up in a broken home and every advantage you can give your kids is worth it. Do it right for the kids, because once you become a parent it's not all about you any more.

    • I don't know if it needs to be clarified or not, but reading the other answers makes me think it does need some clarification. You don't get married because or kids. You get married first and THEN start creating your family.

      Don't have babies with somebody unless you think they will be there for you and your children for the rest of your lives, and you want them to be there. Doing things in the right order provides added legal protection and extra social stability.

    • BrennaLee, great question by the way. This is a very important topic that should be discussed more.

  • People are drifting from those older beliefs slowly but evidently. It's really just a religious belief to get married before kids and personally I doubt having kids before getting married is going to do anything as far as relationship stability, unless of course you believe heavily in religions.

    I don't think any less of people who have kids before marrige, I myself, despite coming from a catholic background, am one of these so called "bastard" children and I honestly don't think there is anything signifigantly wrong with me aside from my outragoues beliefs and opinions.

    • Independent of religion, there are bonafide sociological reasons to follow the more traditional path of marriage first and then kids. There are never any guarantees, but why not do everything you can to increase the chances of the best possible family environment for your kids? As a whole, kids who grow up in stable, traditional families do better across the board than kids who do not.

    • Show All
    • I agree with you that divorce can be much more damaging to a child than parents who weren't married when s/he was born. The point I was making was that independent of religious beliefs having a child out of wedlock increases the odds of future divorce and single parenthood.

    • I see what you're saying, and you're probably right, however the point I was trying to make was that thinking independantly from religion, you can't simply ignore the factor of religion. People who have kids outside of wedlock then get married do it for their faith more than anything, if they don't have the faith to begin with, only then can the factor be dropped (or at least minimized) because they're not worried about their final judgement.

  • I think it is setting up some couples for failure. As when you have children, the relationship mostly becomes about them. As children are our future. However, some people learn to prioritize and make it work. It all depends on how strong the couple is.


What Girls Said 3

  • My parents had me then married, I actually attended their wedding. I've been brought up well by them both, regardless of their flaws, they have always cared. I also hate the term 'bastard'.

  • I think it is becoming a trend. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as those children are being well taken care of.

  • Well, I think it's wrong to stigmatize the children, of course. (Bastard is an ugly word.) And I wouldn't advocate getting married just because she's pregnant. A bad marriage does no one any good. (The kids included.)

    That said, I personally wouldn't want to risk having babies with someone who I didn't want to be married to or who didn't want to marry me. I don't want my child to be raised without a father (yes, I know people can always divorce, and sometimes, the "live-in" can hang around.) and I'd personally feel more comfortable believing my child will have both of us if the father has first made a legal committment to me and to our family together. Maybe I'd feel differently if my parents were unmarried or were divorced. They're married though, and I'm grateful that they are. Single parenthood is hard, especially on women.